The 50+ Best WandaVision Quotes & Lines: Funny, Eerie & Iconic!

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As Marvel superfans, WandaVision has been the best gift we could have asked for to kick off 2021. With plenty of laughs, intrigue, and mystery, this wonderful homage to sitcoms has us on the edge of our seats every week when it’s time to watch and enjoy… 

But besides the underlying mystery of it all, there is a real heart and lovability to WandaVision, which stars two of our favorite, most underrated MCU heroes.

And hey, because we’re still talking about the MCU here, tying everything together is sharp writing, quick quips and memorable lines that the fandom will be quoting for years to come.

So in honour of the wonderful WandaVision lines the show has blessed us with so far, we’ve assembled some of our favorite WandaVision quotes for you, divided into categories. From the most memorable WandaVision lines to the cutest Wanda and Vision moments, we hope you enjoy this roundup.

You might also enjoy our list of WandaVision filming locations here.

SPOILERS AHEAD! The quotes below include up to WandaVision Episode 8, so please please please do not read on unless you’re caught up. You have been warned.

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The Most Memorable Lines from WandaVision 

Some lines in the show just jump out at you while you’re watching. Here are some of our favorite memorable WandaVision quotes that we’re sure you’ll remember.

“Vision: My wife and her flying saucers.
Wanda: My husband and his indestructible head.
Vision: Aren’t we a fine pair?” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Dottie: The devil’s in the details, Bev.
Agnes: That’s not the only place he is.” Episode 2, “Don’t Touch That Dial”

“Mrs. Nielson: But, Stan! What about my brand-new two-piece?” Episode 3, “Now in Color”

“Hayward: Captain Monica Rambeau.
Monica: Director Tyler Hayward.
Hayward: Acting Director. You haven’t aged a day.
Monica: And you look old as hell.” Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Hayward: World’s not the same as you left it. Space is now full of unexpected threats.
Monica: Always was full of threats. And allies.”  Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Hayward: There is one positive takeaway.
Monica: What’s that?
Hayward: She believed you’d come back.” Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Darcy: Maybe I could get that coffee now? Or not. That’s cool.” Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Wanda: You’re not my neighbor. And you’re definitely not my friend. You are a stranger and an outsider. And right now, you are trespassing here. And I want you to leave.” Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Agnes: Um… Uh… Do you want me to take that again?
Wanda: Uh… I’m sorry?
Agnes: You want me to hold the babies. Should we just take it from the top?” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Jimmy: But that’s in direct violation of Section 36 B of the Sokovia Accords.
Hayward: And the Vision’s own living will.
Woo: He didn’t want to be anybody’s weapon.”  Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Darcy: If all the sets and props and wardrobe were solid matter, that would mean she’s wielding an insane amount of power.
Jimmy: Far exceeding anything she’s displayed in the past.
Monica: Uh, she could have taken out Thanos on her own if he hadn’t initiated a blitz. I mean, nobody else came close.
Jimmy: Captain Marvel came close.
Darcy: Her powers came from an Infinity Stone, too, right?
Monica: We are not talking about her. We are talking about Wanda.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Wanda: Sometimes your dad and I aren’t on the same page, but that’s just temporary. Like the two of you, you might fight over toys, but he’s always going to be your brother. And he is always going to be yours. Because family is forever.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Wanda: I have what I want and no one will ever take it from me again.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“[Commercial] Lagos. For when you make a mess you didn’t mean to.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Wanda: I am trying to tell you that there are rules in life, okay? We can’t rush aging just because it’s convenient. And we can’t reverse death. No matter how sad it makes us. Okay? Some things are forever.
Billy: You said family is forever.
Tommy: He is family. Bring him back, Mom.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Pietro: Long lost bro get to squeeze his stinkin’ sister to death or what?” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Darcy: She recast Pietro?” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Pietro: You’re testing me.
Wanda: No, I’m not.
Pietro; Hey, it’s cool. I know I look different.
Wanda: Why do you… look different?
Pietro: You tell me. I mean, if I found Shangri-La, I wouldn’t wanna be reminded of the past either.” Episode 6, “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!”

“Pietro: Don’t get me wrong. You’ve handled the ethical considerations of this scenario as best you could. Families and couples stay together, most personalities aren’t far off from what’s underneath, people got better jobs, better haircuts, for sure.
Wanda: You don’t think it’s wrong?
Pietro: What, are you kidding? I’m impressed! Seriously. It’s a big leap from giving people nightmares and shooting red wiggly-woos out of your hands. How’d you even do all this? … Hey, I’m not some stranger and I’m not your husband. You can talk to me.
Wanda: I don’t know how I did it. I… I only remember feeling completely alone. Empty. I just… Endless nothingness.” Episode 6, “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!”

“Pietro: Hey, don’t sweat it, sis. It’s not like your dead husband can die twice.” Episode 6, “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!”

“Wanda: Look, we’ve all been there, right? Letting our fear and anger get the best of us, intentionally expanding the borders of the false world we created.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Agnes: I actually did bite a kid once.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Agnes: Wanda, Wanda. You didn’t think you were the only magical girl in town, did you? The name’s Agatha Harkness. Lovely to finally meet you, dear.”  Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Agatha: It’s been Agatha all along.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

Want more Agatha Harkness goodness? Here are our favorite Agatha Harkness lines from Wandavision.

“Agatha: And I killed Sparky, too.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Pietro: Snoopers gonna snoop.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Agatha: That accent really comes and goes, doesn’t it?” Episode 8, “Previously On”

“Vision: Well, because it can’t all be sorrow, can it?
I’ve always been alone, so I don’t feel the lack.
It’s all I’ve ever known.
I’ve never experienced loss because I have never had a loved one to lose.
But what is grief, if not love persevering?” Episode 8, “Previously On”

“Agatha: Your children. And Vision, and this whole little life you’ve made, this is Chaos Magic, Wanda. And that makes you the Scarlet Witch.” Episode 8, “Previously On”

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The Funniest WandaVision Quotes

WandaVision is a celebration of classic sitcoms, so naturally you would expect there to be plenty of funny lines throughout the show. Here are some of our favorite funny quotes from WandaVision.

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“Wanda: What do you say to silver dollar pancakes, crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs, freshly squeezed orange juice, and black coffee?
Vision: I say, “Oh, I don’t eat food.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Vision: “Forgotten”? Oh, Wanda, I’m incapable of forgetfulness. I remember everything. That’s not an exaggeration. In fact, I’m incapable of exaggeration.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Agnes: Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block. My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn’t.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Agnes: The only way Ralph would remember our anniversary is if there was a beer named June 2nd.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Norm: no one can process the data quite like you do, pal. You’re like a walking computer.
Vision: What? I most certainly am not. I’m a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter, much like yourself, Norm.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Mr. Hart: You know, I owe my success to being a keen judge of character. No skeletons in your closet, eh, Vision?
Vision: I don’t have a skeleton, sir.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Wanda: Any other tricks?
Agnes: You could point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.
Wanda: Now, that’s romantic.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Vision: The heart on the calendar was an abbreviation!
Wanda: You move at the speed of sound and I can make a pen float through the air. Who needs to abbreviate?” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Agnes: What kind of housewife would I be if I didn’t have a gourmet meal for four just lying about the place?” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Wanda: Diane!
Vision: Yes? Oh, I think that must be my wife summoning me.
Mr. Hart: She calls you “Diane?”
Vision: Yes, it’s her pet name for me.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Wanda: Were either of you aware that married men are killing single men at an alarming rate?” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Agnes: Wanda, can I give you a bit of friendly advice?
Wanda: Is it about the way how I’m dressed?
Agnes: Yes, but it’s too late for that.” Episode 2, “Don’t Touch That Dial”

“Agnes: Just mind your P’s and Q’s and you’re gonna do just fine.
Wanda: Or maybe I could just be myself? More or less?
Agnes: [Laughs] Oh, Wanda, that’s good.” Episode 2, “Don’t Touch That Dial”

“Vision: Oh, neither for me, thank you. I don’t eat food. What I mean to say is that I don’t eat food in between meals but at mealtimes. I’m a regular eating machine.” Episode 2, “Don’t Touch That Dial”

“Wanda: Where have you been?
Vision: Oh. Uh, well, me and the boys were playing a rather thrilling game of horses with shoes. No, that’s not it. Shoe horses! No. (GRUNTS) Ah! Horse’s shoes.” Episode 2, “Don’t Touch That Dial”

“Vision: I will now make my wife… disappear.
Agnes: Are you sure you don’t want an audience volunteer named “My husband Ralph?” Episode 2, “Don’t Touch That Dial”

‘Vision: Well, we ought to decide soon. I estimate the baby’s due… It’s not a constant progression, assumingly logarithmic, but were I to graph the fetal development thus far…
Wanda: He’s gonna be here before you figure it out.”  Episode 3, “Now in Color”

“Vision: Did you lose power, too?
Agnes: Oh, sure did. But Ralph looks better in the dark, so I’m not complaining.” Episode 3, “Now in Color”

“Monica: What about you?
Jimmy: Me? Well, I’m from Bakersfield, originally. Growin’ up, other kids had Michael Jordan posters on their walls, but I had Eliot Ness.
Monica: No, no, no, no. I mean, why is it that you have an awareness of Westview?” Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Darcy: We got the full clown car. It means whatever the threat is, S.W.O.R.D. clearly has no idea what they’re dealing with.
Chemical Engineer Guy: I’m a chemical engineer.
Darcy: No one cares.” Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Darcy: Looking forward to commemorative T-shirt. Is there somewhere a lady could get a cup of coffee? You guys look like you might get down with those little pod things. Horrendous for the environment…” Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Darcy: I can’t believe Wanda and Vision are having a baby. [Holding out a bag of chips] You want any?
Jimmy: Heck, I thought about it for sure. A little Jimmy Woo. Get him a tiny little FBI badge. Oh, you… Chip? Sure.” Episode 4, “We Interrupt This Program”

“Vision: Agnes, I was just fluffing this pillow. With my face.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Darcy: There’s a briefing in ten. Pants are encouraged.”  Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Monica: If she can change things as they go into the Hex…
Darcy: Ah, you called it the Hex.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Norm: Hey, look, we got electronic mail already.
Vision: It’s called an e-mail, Norm. What are you looking for?
Norm: Letter opener.
Vision: Ah, we don’t need that. We’re already cutting edge.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Billy: Halloween’s a magical holiday. All about family, friends, and the thrill of getting to be someone else for a day.
Tommy: Wrong! Halloween’s about candy. And scaring people, but mostly candy.
Billy: Where’s your costume, Tommy?
Tommy: This is my costume. I’m the cool twin.
Billy: What does that make me?
Tommy: Hmm…” Episode 6, “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!”

Monica: Who is that?
Jimmy: Wanda’s brother came to town.
Darcy: He brought the wrong face. Episode 6, “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!”

“Wanda: I’m your mom. And as such, you were counting on me to have all the answers, right? Well, I don’t. I have… no answers. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Niente. I’m starting to believe that everything is… meaningless. You’re welcome to draw your own conclusions, but that’s just where I’m at.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Wanda: So maybe I went a little too dark there, but they’ll be fine. Vision is made of vibranium. They literally inherited tough skin.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Darcy: Yeah, I’m not great at this gig, I gotta be honest. It doesn’t really speak to my skill set. I put in for the bearded lady, but this alabaster complexion wasn’t fooling anyone.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Vision: You don’t remember me from last night? We locked eyes. There was a unspoken understanding.

Darcy: Um, hard pass.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Vision Hello? Excuse me. Uh, you tried to help me.

Darcy: Doubtful. I’m notoriously self-involved.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Darcy: Oh, hello, self. You know, part of me secretly wanted a guest spot on the show, but seriously, that sucked.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

The Cutest Wanda and Vision Moments on WandaVision

Wanda and Vision are (of course) the main pair and couple we root for in WandaVision… and what a pair they make. Since we haven’t really gotten a ton of screen time with these two as the focus, WandaVision has been such a treat for the hopeless romantics among us, even if not all is what it seems… here are some of our favorite adorable Wanda and Vision lines.

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“Wanda: We are an unusual couple, ya know?
Vision: Oh, I don’t think that was ever in question.
Wanda: Well, what I mean is… We don’t have an anniversary.
Vision: Huh.
Wanda: Or a song. Or even wedding rings.
Vision: Well, we could remedy that. Today could be our anniversary.
Wanda: Of what? Surviving our first dinner party?
Vision: Precisely. And our song could be?
Wanda: Yakety Yak, naturally.
Vision: Naturally.
Wanda: Hmm. And the rings?
Vision. Well, couldn’t you make some for us? [Wanda makes appear on their fingers] I do. Do you?
Wanda: Yes. I do.
Vision: And they lived happily ever after.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Wanda: You really are very dashing.
Vision: Mmm, thank you, darling.” Episode 2, “Don’t Touch That Dial”

“Vision: Wanda, my little cabbage, you look smashing!” Episode 2, “Don’t Touch That Dial”

“Wanda: Billy?
Vision: Yeah.
Wanda: Well, I was thinking Tommy. Just a nice, classic, all-American name.
Vision: Hmm, Tommy. Hmm, yeah. Yeah. Then there’s Billy, isn’t there? Named after William Shakespeare. “All the world’s a stage. All the men and women, merely players.”
Wanda: Well, I guess there’s only one solution to this debate. Hope for a girl.” Episode 3, “Now in Color”

“Wanda: Will the baby be human or Synthezoid? A bit of both?
Vision: If he’s anything like his ma, Billy will be perfect.” Episode 3, “Now in Color”

“Wanda: No luck with Billy?
Vision: Tried reading to him, but for some reason, Charles Darwin’s The Descent of Man made him cry even harder. Oh. Care to dance, darling?” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Vision: Morning, wife. Morning, boys. Good morning, unfamiliar wet animal.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Vision: Wanda, I don’t presume to know what you’re feeling, but I would like to know. Should you wish to tell me. Should that be of some comfort to you.” Episode 8, “Previously On”

BONUS: “Darcy: What I do know is I’ve been watching WandaVision for the past week. And the love you two have is real. You belong together.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

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The Most Bone-Chilling Quotes from WandaVision 

Last but not least, we have to include some lines from WandaVision that are so eerie and jarring that we got goosebumps while watching. Anyone who has watched the show will know what we mean when we say these are the most bone-chilling WandaVision lines from the show:

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“Mrs. Hart: Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.” Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Wanda: Vision, help him.”  Episode 1, “Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience”

“Wanda: I’m a twin. I had a brother. His name was Pietro.
Geraldine:  He was killed by Ultron, wasn’t he?
Wanda: … What did you say?” Episode 3, “Now in Color”

“Norm: She’s in my head. None of it is my own. It hurts. It hurts so much. Just make her stop. Just make her stop…” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Wanda: This will be your only warning. Stay out of my home. You don’t bother me. I won’t bother you.” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Vision: Norm has a family, Wanda! He has a family, and he can’t reach them because you won’t let him reach them!
Wanda: I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Vision: Stop lying to me!” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Wanda: You’ve never talked to me like this before.
Vision: Before what? Before what? I can’t remember my life before Westview. I don’t know who I am! I’m scared!” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

“Vision: Wanda, why are there no other children in Westview?
Wanda: Oh, God! There are! Just stop it!
Vision: No. No. The playground stands empty every morning I walk to work. Why? Tell me why?” Episode 5, “On a Very Special Episode…”

Agnes: Am I dead?
Vision: No, no. Why would you think that?
Agnes: Because you are. Episode 6, “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!”

“Agnes: Dead. Dead. Dead! Dead!
Vision: Agnes, it is my intention to reach those outside of Westview and make sense of our situation.
Agnes: How? No one leaves. Wanda won’t even let us think about it. All is lost.” Episode 6, “All-New Halloween Spooktacular!”

“Monica: The only lies I’ve told are the ones you put in my mouth.
Wanda: Careful what you say to me.
Monica: Do it, then. Take me out.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Wanda: As punishment for my reckless evening, I plan on taking a quarantine-style staycation. A whole day… just to myself. That’ll show me.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

“Wanda: I don’t understand what’s happening. Why it’s… Why it’s all falling apart and why… I can’t fix it.

Interviewer: Do you think maybe this is what you deserve?

Wanda: What? You’re not supposed to talk.” Episode 7, “Breaking the Fourth Wall”

Did we miss any of your favorite lines from WandaVision?

Let us know in the comments! We’ll be updating this post with more awesome WandaVision quotes as they come – stay tuned for more.

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