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Over the years, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has become a bit of a monster… well, an entertaining and often funny monster, but a monster nonetheless.
With 23 movies so far, not to mention television shows, that’s quite a lot of characters, storylines and events. But one thing that all of the Marvel films share is a penchant for a witty quip.
While numerous writers and directors have worked on the universe where the characters appear, there’s always a streak of humor, even in the darker films.
And so, we have done the monumental task of collating ALL the funniest lines from the Marvel movies here today, so that you can read through and have a chuckle while being reminded of the best moments.
Check back regularly as we’ll update this post whenever there’s a new Marvel film released!
Want more Marvel quotes? Check these out:
- Here are the 100+ Funniest Lines from the MCU
- Here are the best quotes from Spider-Man
- Here are the best quotes from Ironman/Tony Stark
- Here are the best quotes from Captain America
- Here are the best quotes from Black Widow
- Here are the best quotes from Loki
- Here are the best quotes from Thor
- Here are the best quotes from Thanos
- Here are the best quotes from Captain Marvel
- Here are the best quotes from WandaVision
- Here are the best quotes from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
- Here are the best Sam Wilson quotes
- Here are the best Bucky Barnes quotes
- BONUS: These hilarious Marvel-themed pickup lines
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The Best Funny Quotes from Captain America: The First Avenger
We’re listing the films in chronological order of the events within the universe (rather than when they were released in real life), so of course, we need to start with Captain America! These are the best funny quotes from Captain America.
“Peggy Carter: How do you feel?
Steve Rogers: Taller.”
“Peggy Carter: You can’t give me orders!
Steve Rogers: The hell I can’t! I’m a Captain! [smiles]”
“James ‘Bucky’ Barnes: Don’t do anything stupid until I come back.
Steve Rogers: How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”
Peggy Carter: Wait! [she kisses Steve]
Peggy Carter: Go get him.
[surprised by the kiss, Steve looks at Colonel Phillips]
Col. Chester Phillips: I’m not kissing you.”
“Col. Chester Phillips: Sit down.
[Colonel Phillips puts down a tray of food at a table]
Dr. Arnim Zola: What is this?
Col. Chester Phillips: Steak.
Dr. Arnim Zola: What is in it?
Col. Chester Phillips: Cow.”
“Howard Stark: The moment you think you know what’s going on in a woman’s head is the moment your goose is well and truly cooked.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Captain Marvel
Most of the funny parts of Captain Marvel come from Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel’s interactions with Nick Fury, but not all of them. Here are all the best funny quotes from the Captain Marvel film.
“Carol Danvers: [Referring to the front of the baseball cap that Fury has given her] What is it?
Nick Fury: It’s a S.H.I.E.L.D. logo.
Carol Danvers: Does, uh, announcing your identity on clothing help with the covert part of your job?
Nick Fury: Said the space soldier who’s wearing a rubber suit.”
“Carol Danvers: You have three names. What do people call you?
Nick Fury: Fury.
Carol Danvers: Just Fury?
Nick Fury: Yep. Not Nicholas. Not Joseph. Just Fury.
Carol Danvers: What does your mother call you then?
Nick Fury: Fury.
Carol Danvers: What do your friends call you?
Nick Fury: Fury.
Carol Danvers: Kids?
Nick Fury: If I ever have them? Fury.”
“Nick Fury: Oh! Let me get my fingerprint out. Just let me unravel this puppy and we’ll…
[Carol blasts the lock off the doors]
Nick Fury: You sat there and watched me play with tape, when all you had to do was…
Carol Danvers: I didn’t want to steal your thunder.”
“Nick Fury: Do you know how to fly this thing?
Carol Danvers: Uh, we’ll see.
Nick Fury: That’s a yes or no question.
Carol Danvers: [powering the engines up] Yes.”
“Maria Rambeau: You call me ‘young lady’ again, I’ll shove my foot up somewhere it’s not supposed to be.
[awkward silence]
Talos: Am I supposed to guess where that is?
Nick Fury + Carol Danvers: Your ass!”
“Carol Danvers: Since when is a shortcut cheating?
Maria Rambeau: Since it violates the predetermined rules of engagement.
Carol Danvers: I definitely don’t remember those.”
“Maria Rambeau: Can I ask you something? Do you just turn into anything you want?
Talos: Ah well, I have to see it first.
Maria Rambeau: Can you all do it?
Talos: Physiologically, yeah. But it takes practice and, um, dare I say it, talent to do it well.
Nick Fury: Can you turn into a cat?
Talos: What’s a cat?
Maria Rambeau: What about a filing cabinet?
Talos: Why would I turn into a filing cabinet?
Nick Fury: A venus fly trap. I’ll give you $50 right now if you turn into a venus fly trap.”
“Nick Fury: Hey there. How are you? Oh my goodness. Look at you. Just look at you. Aren’t you the cutest looking thing? Aren’t you cute? And what’s your name, huh? What’s your name? “Goose.” Cool name for a cool cat.”
“[At-Lass scans Goose]
Kree Computer: Species: Flerken. Threat: High.
[At-Lass clamps a muzzle on Goose]
Nick Fury: It’s a cat, not Hannibal Lecter.
[At-Lass scans Fury]
Kree Computer: Species: Human Male. Threat: Low to None.
Nick Fury: That thing’s clearly busted.”
“Carol Danvers: Keep the Tesseract on Earth. Hidden.
Nick Fury: You sure that’s what Marvel would want?
Carol Danvers: Mar-Vell.
Nick Fury: That’s what I said.
Carol Danvers: It’s two words. Mar. Vell.
Nick Fury: Mar-Vell. “Marvel” sounds a lot better. You know, like the Marvelettes? [starts singing “Please, Mr Postman”]
Nick Fury: Not ringing any bells?
Carol Danvers: Keep singing. Maybe it’ll come back to me.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Iron Man
When Tony Stark burst onto the scene and let the world know that he was Iron Man, we all got treated to the signature wit of both Robert Downey Jr. and the character he portrayed. A master of witty quips, these are the best funny lines from Iron Man (the first movie).
“Tony Stark: [said to a robot] If you douse me again, and I’m not on fire, I’m donating you to a city college.”
“Christine Everheart: You’ve been called the Da Vinci of our time. What do you say to that?
Tony Stark: Absolutely ridiculous. I don’t paint.”
“Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts: [after Stark’s one night stand with Christine] I have your clothes here; they’ve been dry cleaned and pressed. And there’s a car waiting for you outside that will take you anywhere you’d like to go.
Christine Everheart: You must be the famous Pepper Potts.
Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts: [smiles and nods] Indeed I am.
Christine Everheart: After all these years, Tony still has you picking up the dry cleaning.
Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts: I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including occasionally taking out the trash. Will that be all?”
“Rhodey: Hey Tony.
Tony Stark: I’m sorry. This is the fun-vee. The hum-drum-vee is back there.”
“Tony Stark: What’s on the docket?
Natalie Rushman/Natasha Romanoff: You have a 9:30 dinner.
Tony Stark: Perfect. I’ll be there at 11.”
“Rhodey: [standing by Stark’s airplane] Three hours! Three hours you’ve kept me standing here!
Tony Stark: [walking past him] Waiting on you now.”
“Tony Stark: [playing Craps] We’re gonna let it ride! Give me a hand, will you? Give me a little something-something. [woman blows on his dice] Okay, you too.
Rhodey: I don’t blow on a man’s dice.
Tony Stark: Come on, honey bear.”
“Tony Stark: Drop your socks and grab your crocs, we’re about to get wet on this ride.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Iron Man 2
Back-to-back Iron Man fun! After Tony Stark told the world he was Iron Man, he had to deal with the fallout in Iron Man 2. Luckily for us, he continued to be hilarious. Here are the funniest quotes from Iron Man 2.
“Tony Stark: [about Natalie Rushman] Who is she?
Pepper Potts: She is from legal and she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that.”
“Tony Stark: How do you spell your name, Natalie?
Natalie Rushman: R-U-S-H-M-A-N.
Pepper Potts: What, are you Googling her now?
Tony Stark: I thought I was ogling her?”
“Tony Stark: [to Nick Fury regarding “The Avengers” initiative] I told you I don’t want to join your super-secret boy band.”
“[Agent Coulson is left in charge of Tony] Agent Coulson: If you try to escape, or play any sort of games with me, I will taze you and watch “Supernanny” while you drool into the carpet.”
“Tony Stark: [reading from Natasha’s SHIELD Report on Iron Man/Tony Stark] Mr. Stark displays textbook… narcissism. [Stark stares at Nick Fury, who simply stares at him back] … Agreed.”
“[seeing Tony Stark, in partial Iron Man armor, sitting in a giant rooftop donut display] Nick Fury: Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to exit the donut.”
“Justin Hammer: [about Christine Everhart] She’s actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair. I thought I’d throw her a bone, you know. Right?
Pepper Potts: Right. Well, she did quite a spread on Tony last year.
Tony Stark: And she wrote a story as well.”
“Tony Stark: Let the record reflect that I observe Mr. Hammer entering the chamber and I am wondering if and when any actual expert will also be in attendance.”
“JARVIS: May I say how refreshing it is to finally see you on a video with your clothing on, sir.”
The Best Funny Quotes from The Incredible Hulk
The Incredible Hulk was a darker film than some of the others in the MCU, but that didn’t mean it lacked humor. While Edward Norton was replaced by Mark Ruffalo in the later films, here was where we first met Bruce Banner and the Other Guy. These are the funniest lines from the Incredible Hulk.
“Bruce Banner: [in poor Portuguese] Don’t make me hungry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m hungry.
Tough Guy Leader: [in Portuguese] What the hell he is talking about?”
“Betty Ross: [Betty and Bruce need to get across town in New York City] The subway is probably quickest.
Bruce Banner: Me in a metal tube, deep underground with hundreds of people in the most aggressive city in the world?
Betty Ross: Right. Let’s get a cab.”
“Emil Blonsky: I’ve run into bad situations on crap missions before. I’ve seen good men go down purely because someone didn’t let us in on what we were walking into, I’ve moved onto the next one, ’cause that’s what we do, right? I mean that’s the job, but THIS? This is a whole new level of weird, and I don’t feel inclined to step away from it. So if you’re taking another crack at him, I want in. AND with respect, you should be looking for a team that’s prepped and ready to fight, because if that thing shows up again, you’re going to have a lot of professional “Tough Guys” PISSING in their PANTS. Sir.”
“Major Kathleen “Kat” Sparr: Are you telling me you can make more like him?
Dr. Samuel Sterns: No, not yet! I’ve sorted out a few pieces, but it’s not like I can put together the same Humpty Dumpty if that’s what you’re asking. He was a freak accident, the goal is to do it better!
Sparr: So Banner was the only… [knocked unconscious from behind]
Emil Blonsky: Ahh, she’s an annoying bitch, isn’t she?
Sterns: Why are you always hitting people?!”
The Best Funny Quotes from Thor
The prince of Asgard’s fall to Earth was immensely entertaining for those of us watching, as he tried to adjust to normal like. There were plenty of funny lines from the “mighty” Thor, as well as the other characters. Here are the funniest quotes from the movie Thor.
“Loki: [referring to Thor’s Eagle-Winged Helmet] Nice feathers.
Thor: [referring to Loki’s Horned Headpiece] You don’t really want to start this again, do you, Cow?”
“Thor: You! What realm is this? Elfheim, Nilfheim?
Darcy: [frightened, pulls out a taser] New Mexico?
Thor: You dare threaten Thor with such a puny weapon…?
[Darcy tasers him]
Darcy: [to Jane] What? He was freaking me out!”
“Thor: [to a doctor who put an IV on him] How dare you attack the son of Odin!
Thor: [fighting hospital interns] You are no match for the mighty… [an intern jabs a syringe into his butt, he passes out instantly]“
“Jane Foster: Years of research, gone.
Darcy: They even took my iPod.
Erik Selvig : What about the backups?
Jane Foster: They took our backups. They took the backups of our backups. They were extremely thorough.
Darcy: I just downloaded, like, 30 songs onto there.”
“Darcy: [On seeing Thor, who’s been hit by their car, lying on the ground] Whoa, does he need CPR? ‘Cause I totally know CPR!”
“Thor: Hammer! Hammer!
Darcy: Yeah, we can tell you’re hammered.”
“[Thor brings a drunken Selvig home] Jane Foster: What happened?
Thor: He’s fine! We drank, we fought – he made his ancestors proud!
Jane Foster: Put him on the bed.
Erik Selvig: [to Thor] Oh, I still don’t think you’re the god of thunder. But you ought to be!”
“Thor: This mortal form has grown weak. I need sustenance!”
[smashes cup onto the floor]
“Thor: This drink, I like it. Another!”
“Thor: [walking into a pet shop] I need a horse!
Pet Store Clerk: We don’t have horses. Just dogs, cats, birds.
Thor: Then give me one of those large enough to ride.”
“Jane Foster: How’d you get inside that cloud?
Darcy: Also, how could you eat an entire box of Pop-Tarts and still be this hungry?”
“Darcy: [mispronounces Mjölnir] Mew-mew? What’s Mew-mew?”
“Darcy: Look! Look, it’s “Mew-mew”! [points to a mythology book page with a drawing of Mjölnir]“
“Agent Cale: [staring at The Destroyer] Is that one of Stark’s?
Agent Coulson: I don’t know. Guy never tells me anything.”
The Best Funny Quotes from The Avengers
When the six members of the Avengers were finally brought together they definitely butted heads at first, before finally becoming a team. Luckily for us all those head-butts also lead to plenty of banter. These are the best funny lines from the Avengers.
“Pepper Potts: Is this about the Avengers? Which I know nothing about.
Tony Stark: The Avengers initiative was scrapped, I thought. And I didn’t even qualify.
Pepper Potts: I didn’t know that either.
Tony Stark: Apparently I’m volatile, self-obsessed, and don’t play well with others.
Pepper Potts: That I did know.”
“Steve Rogers: What’s the matter, scared of a little lightning?
Loki: I’m not overly fond of what follows… [Thor appears]“
“Thor: You listen well, brother. I…
[Thor is knocked off the mountain by Iron Man who tackles him in mid-flight]
Loki: I’m listening.”
“Steve Rogers/Captain America: Big man in a suit of armour, take that away, what are you?
Tony Stark/Iron Man: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”
“Tony Stark: [about Thor] Uh, Shakespeare in The Park? Doth mother know you weareth her drapes?”
“Thor: You people are so petty, and tiny.”
“Thor: I thought humans were more evolved than this.
Nick Fury: Excuse me, did WE come to YOUR planet and blow stuff up?”
“Bruce Banner: I don’t think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy’s brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him.
Thor: Have a care how you speak! Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and he is my brother!
Natasha Romanoff: He killed eighty people in two days.
Thor: He’s adopted.”
“Tony Stark: That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn’t notice. But we did.”
“Agent Phil Coulson: Mr Stark.
Pepper Potts: Phil! Come in.
Tony Stark: “Phil?” Uh, his first name is ‘Agent’.”
“Bruce Banner: Captain America is on threat watch?
Natasha Romanoff: We ALL are!
Tony Stark: [to Rogers] You’re on that list? Are you above or below angry bees?
Steve Rogers: I swear, Stark, one more wisecrack out of you…
Tony Stark: Verbal threat! Threatening! I’m being threatened!”
“Steve Rogers: Is everything a joke to you?
Tony Stark: Funny things are.”
“Steve Rogers: Are you nuts?
Tony Stark: Jury’s out.”
“Steve Rogers: Let’s start with that stick of his. It may be magical, but it works an awful lot like a Hydra weapon.
Nick Fury: I don’t know about that, but it is powered by the cube. And I’d like to know how Loki used it to turn two of the sharpest men I know into his personal flying monkeys.
Thor: Monkeys? I do not understand.
Steve Rogers: I do!
[Stark rolls his eyes, while Captain America looks proud of himself]
Steve Rogers: I understood that reference.”
“Tony Stark: You should come by Stark Tower sometime. Top 10 floors all R&D, you’d love it… it’s candyland.
Bruce Banner: Thanks, but the last time I was in New York I kind of broke… Harlem.”
“[after attacking Loki with full weapons activated]
Tony Stark: Make a move, Reindeer Games…”
“World Security Council: Director Fury, the council has made a decision.
Nick Fury: I recognise the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.”
“[Banner arrives in New York on a motorcycle just as the Chitauri have begun their attack]
Bruce Banner: So… this all seems horrible.
Black Widow: I’ve seen worse.
Bruce Banner: Sorry.
Black Widow: No, we could… use… a little worse.”
“Loki: Enough! You are, all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by…
[Hulk flattens Loki with repeated smashes into the floor]
The Hulk: Puny god.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Iron Man 3
After the events of the battle of New York Tony Stark had a bit of a crisis of confidence, but that didn’t stop the jokes rolling off his tongue like usual. These are our favorite funny lines from Iron Man 3.
“[Tony sees Maya for the first time since their one-night stand in Switzerland]
Tony Stark: Please don’t tell me there’s a 12-year-old kid in the car that I’ve never met.
Maya Hansen: He’s 13.
[Tony cringes]
Maya Hansen: No! I need your help.”
“Tony Stark: [to Happy Hogan, who is pointing his tablet video-call camera too high, catching only the top half of his face] Is this the forehead of security?”
“[Harley approaches suit]
Harley Keener: That’s… is that… Iron Man?
Tony Stark: Technically, I am Iron Man.
Harley Keener: Technically, you’re dead.
[Harley hands Stark a newspaper with the headline of the destruction of Stark’s mansion]
Tony Stark: Valid point.”
“Tony Stark: You walked right into this one: I’ve dated hotter chicks than you.
Brandt: [scoffs] Is that all you’ve got? A cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner?
Tony Stark: Sweetheart, that could be the name of my autobiography.”
“The Mandarin: A true story about fortune cookies. They look Chinese. They sound… Chinese. But they’re actually an American invention. Which is why they’re hollow, full of lies, and leave a bad taste in the mouth.”
“[Tony seals Pepper in the Mark 42 armor, then she saves him from falling debris]
Pepper Potts: I got you!
Tony Stark: I got you first!”
“[Tony tries to embrace Pepper]
Pepper Potts: Don’t!
Tony Stark: It’s okay…
Pepper Potts: I’m hot, I’ll hurt you!
Tony Stark: [touches Pepper] No, you won’t. See? Not hot.
Pepper Potts: Am I going to be okay?
Tony Stark: No. You’re in a relationship with me, nothing will ever be okay. But I had this twenty years ago when I was drunk, I can sort it out. I fix stuff.”
“[Pepper uses a repulsor on Killian]
Tony Stark: Honey?
Pepper Potts: Oh my god… that was really violent…”
“Aldrich Killian: No more false faces… You said you wanted the Mandarin? You’re looking right at him! It was always me, Tony, right from the start! I AM THE MANDARIN!
[Pepper, glowing with Extremis, swats him away with a pole and looks at Tony, who thought she was dead]
Tony Stark: I got nothing.”
“JARVIS: I seem to do quite well for a stretch, and then at the end of the sentence I say the wrong cranberry.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Thor: The Dark World
When Jane discovered the aether she was finally reunited with Thor, and even got to visit Asgard. Now that Thor and Loki were reunited we were also treated to some of the most hilarious banter between these two brothers. Check out the funniest lines from Thor: The Dark World.
“[Thor arrives in Vanaheim to help Sif]
Sif: I’ve got this completely under control!
Thor: Is that why everything’s on fire?”
“[a megalith appears to fight Thor]
Sif: All yours…
Thor: [walks up to the monster] Hello
[Monster roars]
Thor: I accept your surrender.
[Crowd howls with laughter. Thor destroys the monster with one hit with Mjolnir]
Thor: Anyone else?
[the Marauders all surrender]
Fandral: Perhaps next time you should start with the big one!”
“Dr. Erik Selvig: Your brother isn’t coming, is he?
Thor: Loki is dead.
Dr. Erik Selvig: Thank God… I’m so sorry.”
“Odin: She does not belong here in Asgard any more than a goat belongs at a banquet table!
Jane Foster: Did he just…?
[outraged] Jane Foster: Who do you think you are?
Odin: I am Odin. King of Asgard. Protector of the Nine Realms.
Jane Foster: [chastened] Oh. Well, I’m…
Odin: I know very well who you are, Jane Foster.
Jane Foster: [to Thor] You told your dad about me?”
“Volstagg: Escorting these scoundrels is beneath us.
Fandral: Nonsense, my rotund friend. If they were beneath you, they would all be dead!”
“Thor: You betray me, I’ll kill you.
Sif: Betray him, and I’ll kill you.
Volstagg: If you even think about betraying him…
Loki: You’ll kill me? Evidently, there will be a line.”
[Jane slaps Loki] “Jane: That was for New York!
Loki: I like her.”
“Loki: This is so unlike you, brother. So… clandestine. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather punch your way out?
Thor: If you keep talking, I might.”
“[Thor and Loki commandeer a Harrow]
Loki: Look, why don’t you let me take over? I’m clearly the better pilot!
Thor: Is that right? Out of the two of us, which one can ACTUALLY fly?
[the Harrow takes out a building]
Thor: Not a word…”
“Loki: [aboard a Dark Elf ship] I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing.
Thor: [looking at the controls, clearly lost] I said ‘how hard could it be.'”
“[Thor flies the Harrow, but is off to a rocky start and destroys a lot of columns in the building]
Loki: I think you missed a column.”
“[Thor destroys a statue of Bor]
Loki: Well done, you just decapitated your grandfather!”
“Loki: You know this is wonderful! This a tremendous idea! Let’s steal the biggest, most obvious ship in the universe and escape in that! Flying around the city, smash it into everything in sight and everyone will see it! It’s brilliant Thor! It’s truly brillian…
[Thor hurls Loki out of the ship, and jumps out with Jane in his arms… into a skiff piloted by Fandral]
Fandral: [laughing] I see your time in the dungeon has made you no less graceful, Loki!
Loki: You lied to me! I’m impressed.”
“Jane Foster: That’s a quantum field generator isn’t it?
Eir: It’s a soul forge.
Jane Foster: Does a soul forge transfer molecular energy from one place to another?
Eir: [surprised] Yes.
Jane Foster: [to Thor, quietly pleased] Quantum field generator.”
“Jane Foster : [Darcy and Ian appear through a portal while kissing] Darcy!
Darcy Lewis : [She drops Ian] Jane!
Dr. Erik Selvig: Ian!
Ian Boothby: Selvig!
[Mjölnir zooms by]
Darcy Lewis: Mew-mew!”
The Best Funny Quotes from Captain America: The Winter Soldier
As Steve desperately tried to save his childhood friend, and SHIELD, there wasn’t as much levity going around as usual. Still, it’s the MCU, and there will always be jokes, so here are the funniest lines from Captain America: The Winter Soldier.
“Sam Wilson: Don’t say it! Don’t you say it!
Steve Rogers: [running by Sam] On your left.
Sam Wilson: Come on man!”
“Natasha Romanoff: Hey, fellas. Either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I’m here to pick up a fossil.
Steve Rogers: That’s hilarious.”
“Natasha Romanoff: Did you do anything fun Saturday night?
Steve Rogers: Well, all the guys from my barbershop quartet are dead, so no, not really.”
“Sam Wilson: You must miss the good old days, huh?
Steve Rogers: Well, things aren’t so bad. Food’s a lot better; we used to boil everything. No polio is good. Internet, so helpful. I’ve been reading that a lot trying to catch up.”
“Jasper Sitwell: Is this little display meant to insinuate that you’re gonna throw me off the roof? Because it’s really not your style, Rogers.
Steve Rogers: You’re right. It’s not. It’s hers.
[Natasha throws Sitwell off the roof]
Natasha Romanoff: Oh, wait. What about that girl from accounting, Laura, Lisa…?
Steve Rogers: Lillian. Lip piercing, right?
Natasha Romanoff: Yeah, she’s cute.
Steve Rogers: Yeah, I’m not ready for that.”
“Natasha Romanoff: What about the nurse that lives across the hall from you? She seems kind of nice.
Steve Rogers: Secure the engine room, then find me a date.
Natasha Romanoff: [jumping off deck over the railings] I’m multitasking.”
“Sam Wilson: Hey, Cap, how do we know the good guys from the bad guys?
Steve Rogers: If they’re shooting at you, they’re bad.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Guardians of the Galaxy
As we finally ventured off Earth completely we met the rag-tag team that became the Guardians of the Galaxy, although, much like the Avengers, they weren’t a great team straight away! Even with a talking tree nobody in the audience can understand, this film brought a lot of hilarity. These are the best funny Guardians of the Galaxy quotes.
“Yondu Udonta: We’re Ravagers, we got a code.
Peter Quill: Yeah, and that code is: steal from everybody.”
“Gamora: It’s dangerous and illegal work, suitable only for outlaws.
Peter Quill: Well, I come from a planet of outlaws: Billy the Kid, Bonnie and Clyde, John Stamos.”
“Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: Well that’s just as fascinating as the first 89 times you told me that. What is wrong with Giving Tree here?
Rocket Raccoon: Well he don’t know talkin’ good like me and you, so his vocabulistics is limited to “I” and “am” and “Groot,” exclusively in that order.
Peter Quill: Well I tell you what, that’s gonna wear real thin, real fast, bud.”
“Peter Quill: Here you go. [Quill presents the prosthetic leg Rocket requested]
Rocket Raccoon: Oh, I was just kidding about the leg. I just need these two things.
Peter Quill: What?
Rocket Raccoon: [laughing] No, I thought it’d be funny! Was it funny? No, wait, what’d he look like hopping around?
Peter Quill: I had to transfer him 30,000 units!
Rocket Raccoon: [chittering laughter]“
“Peter Quill: Yeah, I’ll have to agree with the walking thesaurus on that one.
Drax: DO NOT ever call me a thesaurus.
Peter Quill: It’s just a metaphor, dude.
Rocket Raccoon: His people are completely literal. Metaphors go over his head.
Drax: Nothing goes over my head…! My reflexes are too fast, I would catch it.”
“Rocket Raccoon: That’s for if things get really hardcore. Or if you wanna blow up moons.
Gamora: No one’s blowing up moons.
Rocket Raccoon: You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.”
“Gamora: I’m a warrior, an assassin. I don’t dance.
Peter Quill: Really? Well, on my planet, we have a legend about people like you. It’s called Footloose. And in it, a great hero, named Kevin Bacon, teaches an entire city full of people with sticks up their butts that, dancing, well, is the greatest thing there is.
Gamora: …Who put the sticks up their butts?”
“Drax: I can barely see.
[Groot releases glowing spores from his body to light up the way ahead]
Drax: Where did you learn to do that?
Peter Quill: I’m pretty sure the answer is: “I am Groot”.
[Groot nods]”
“Gamora: I know who you are, Peter Quill, and I am not some starry-eyed waif here to succumb to your… your pelvic sorcery!”
“Gamora: And Quill, your ship is filthy. [She walks away]
Peter Quill: Oh she has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.
Rocket Raccoon: You got issues, Quill.”
“Drax: I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you’ve accepted me despite my blunders. It is good to once again be among friends. You, Quill, are my friend.
Peter Quill: Thanks.
Drax the Destroyer: This dumb tree is also my friend.
[Groot grunts]
Drax the Destroyer: And this green whore is also…
Gamora: Oh, you must stop!”
“Peter Quill: [about Gamora] She betrayed Ronan, he’s coming for her. That’s when you… [draws his finger across his throat in a cutthroat gesture]
Drax: …Why would I want to put my finger on his throat?
Peter Quill: No, that’s the symbol for slicing his throat.
Drax: I would not slice his throat, I would cut his head clean off.
Peter Quill: It’s a general expression for you killing somebody. You’ve heard of this. You’ve seen this, right? You know what that is.”
“Drax: Finger on throat means death!
[kills Korath]
Drax: Metaphor.
Peter Quill: …Sort of.”
“Gamora: I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy.”
“Rocket Raccoon: I live for the simple things… like how much this is going to hurt! [zaps Quill, who falls down yelling] Yeah, writhe, little man.”
“Korath the Pursuer: You don’t look like a junker. You’re wearing Ravager garb.
Peter Quill: This is just an outfit, man. [to Korath’s henchmen who keep prodding him] Ninja Turtle, you better stop poking me.”
“Rocket Raccoon: [scans a Xandarian citizen] Can you believe they call us criminals when he’s assaulting us with that haircut?”
The Best Funny Quotes from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2
Just like with Iron Man, we got to enjoy two Guardians of the Galaxy films one after the other. The best part of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 might be baby Groot, but the clever quips certainly come in second. Here are the funniest quotes from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2.
“Rocket: I was cybernetically engineered to pilot a spacecraft.
Peter Quill: You were cybernetically engineered to be a douchebag!”
“Rocket: Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch? Hmm?
Peter Quill: I’m not gonna answer to “Star-Munch.”
Rocket: I did it because I wanted to!
Peter Quill: Dick.”
“Gamora: [sceptically] A little one-inch man saved us?
Rocket: Well, if he got closer, I’m sure he would be much larger.
Peter Quill: It’s how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
Rocket: *Don’t call me a racoon*!
Peter Quill: I’m sorry. I took it too far. I meant trash panda.
[Rocket looks around in confusion] Rocket : Is that better?
Drax: I don’t know.
Peter Quill: [snickering] It’s worse. It’s so much worse.”
“Peter Quill: You put your turd in my bed, I shave you.
Rocket: Oh, it won’t be my turd. It’ll be Drax’s.
Drax: [laughs] I have famously huge turds.”
“Nebula: [sneering] Look at you, a Garden of the Galaxy!
Gamora: It’s Guardian! Why would I be a Garden of the Galaxy?”
“Ego: I created what I imagined biological life to be like… down to the most minute detail.
Drax: Did you make a penis?
Peter Quill: Dude!
Gamora: What is wrong with you?
Drax: If he’s a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
Peter Quill: I don’t need to hear how my parents…
Drax: Why? My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Peter Quill: That’s disgusting.
Drax: It was beautiful. You earthers have hang-ups.
Ego: Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax: Ha! Thank you!
Ego: It’s not half bad.”
“Drax: I thought Yondu was your father.
Peter Quill: What? You’re trying to tell me that this whole time, you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax: You look exactly alike!
Rocket: *One’s blue!*
Peter Quill: No, he’s not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight… and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Ego: [shocked] Eat you?
Peter Quill: Yeah.
Ego: Oh, that son of a bitch!”
“Peter Quill: Well, you may not be mortal, but me…
Ego: No, Peter… death will remain a stranger to both of us, as long as the light burns within the planet.
Peter Quill: I’m immortal?
Ego: Mmm-hmm.
Peter Quill: Really?
Ego: Yes! As long as the light exists.
Peter Quill: And, I could use the light to build cool things like, how you made this whole planet?
Ego: Well, it might take you a few million years of practice before you get really good at it. But, yes!
Peter Quill: What! This is… Well, get ready for a 800-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor and Heather Locklear…
Ego: You can do anything you want.
Peter Quill: I’m gonna make some weird shit.”
“Mantis: [about Rocket] The crabby puppy is so cute. He makes me wanna die!”
“Drax: How did you get to this weird dumb planet?
Mantis: Ego found me in my larva state. Orphaned on my homeworld. He raised me by hand and kept me as his own.
Drax: So you’re a pet.
Mantis: I suppose.
Drax: People usually want cute pets. Why would Ego want such a hideous one?
Mantis: I am hideous?
Drax: You are horrifying to look at. Yes. Bu-But that’s a good thing.
Mantis: Oh?
Drax: When you’re ugly, and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are… Beautiful people never know who to trust.
Mantis: Well, then I’m certainly grateful to be ugly.”
“[about Mantis] Drax: This gross bug lady is my new friend.”
“Mantis: [shaking Drax awake] Drax! We need to talk!
Drax: I’m sorry… but I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
Mantis: [confused] What?
Drax: I tried to let you down easily by telling you you were disgusting. [starts gagging]
Mantis: What are you doing?
Drax: Ugh… I’m imagining… being with you physically… [continues gagging]
Mantis: Drax! That’s not what I… I don’t like you like that! I don’t even mate with the… type of thing you are!
Drax: Hey! There’s no need to get personal.”
“Gamora: We need to find Peter now and get off this damn planet.
Mantis: Ego will have won him to his side by now. He has a way…
Nebula: Then we just go!
Gamora: No! He’s our friend.
Nebula: All any of you do is yell at each other. You are not friends.
Drax: You’re right. We’re family. We leave no one behind. [looking at Nebula] Except maybe you.
Nebula: [shakes her head in disbelief] Oh, my God.”
“Yondu: Once I figured out what happened to them other kids, I wasn’t just gonna hand you over!
Peter Quill: You said you were going to eat me!
Yondu: That was being funny.
Peter Quill: Not to me!”
“Rocket: [snickering] I’m sorry. I am so sorry! I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir, looking in the mirror and then in all seriousness saying to yourself…[deep voice] “You know what would be a really kick-ass name? Taserface!”
[all the Ravagers struggle desperately not to laugh]
Rocket: That’s how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice? “Scrotum Hat”? [Rocket and the Ravagers all fall around laughing]“
“Taserface: [Holding a knife to Rocket’s throat after having his name being made fun of] New plan! We’re killing you first!
Rocket: Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic shitbag who thinks ‘Taserface’ is a cool name.”
“[Yondu removes a leaf-shaped ornament from his suit and shows it to Groot]
Yondu: The drawer you wanna open has this symbol on it. Okay?
[Yondu hands the ornament to Groot. Groot examines it, confused, then places it on his head]
Yondu: What? No!
Rocket: He thinks you want him to wear it as a hat.
Yondu: [angrily] That’s not what I said!
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket : He’s relieved you don’t want him to.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: He hates hats.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: On anyone, not just himself.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: [to Yondu] One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head, the next minute it’s just because you realize part of that head is the hat. [to Groot] That’s why you don’t like hats?”
“[Peter Quill comes into Groot’s room, sees that his room is a mess with vines and Teen Groot playing mind-numbing game]
Peter Quill: Ohh! Dude! Seriously? You’ve gotta clean up your room, it’s a complete mess!
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: I’m not boring, you’re boring! You know what’s boring? Sitting there, playing that mind-numbing game, what’s boring is me, tripping over your vines every day. I’m not boring!
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: And now, I know how Yondu felt.”
“Mantis: It’s beautiful.
Drax: It is. And so are you. [pause] On the inside.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Avengers: Age of Ultron
With the birth of the destructive Ultron and the addition of three new members to the Avengers team, Avengers: Age of Ultron still managed to pack in plenty of laughs. From jokes about Mjolnir to android-humor, there was plenty to chuckle about in a film with some sad parts. These are the funniest lines from Avengers: Age of Ultron.
“Natasha Romanoff: Thor, report on the Hulk.
Thor: The gates of Hel are filled with the screams of his victims!
[Natasha glares at him while Bruce groans and puts his head in his hands]
Thor: But not the screams of the dead, of course. No, no… wounded screams… mainly whimpering, a great deal of complaining and tales of sprained deltoids and… gout.”
“Tony Stark: Romanoff… you and Banner better not be playing hide the zucchini.
Natasha Romanoff: Relax, showman. Not all of us can fly.”
“Thor: The girl tried to warp my brain! Take special care, I doubt if humans can keep her at bay! Fortunately, I am mighty… [enters a vision]”
“[the Hulk is on a rampage]
Tony Stark: [in the Hulkbuster] Listen to me, that little witch is messing with your mind. You’re stronger than her, you’re smarter than her. You’re Bruce Banner!
[the Hulk roars and throws a car at Stark]
Tony Stark: Right, don’t mention puny Banner…”
“Tony Stark: Actually he’s the boss. [points to Captain America] I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler.”
“Thor: No one has to break anything.
Ultron and Tony Stark: Clearly you’ve never made an omelet.
Tony Stark: He beat me by one second.”
“Iron Man: Shit!
Captain America: Language!”
“Iron Man: Is no one going to comment that the Cap just said “language”?
Captain America: I know! It just slipped out.”
“Iron Man: And for gosh’s sake, watch your language!
Captain America: [resigned] That’s not going away anytime soon.”
“Clint Barton: You bet your ass!
Maria Hill: Steve, he said a bad language word!
Steve Rogers: [to Tony] Did you tell everyone about that?”
“Maria Hill: [about the Maximoffs] He’s got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis. Her thing is neuroelectric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation.
[Cap gives her a blank look]
Maria Hill: He’s fast, she’s weird.”
“James Rhodes: But, you know, the suit can take the weight, right? So I take the tank, drop it right off at the general’s palace, drop it at his feet. I’m, like, “Boom. Are you looking for this?”
[Tony and Thor don’t laugh]
James Rhodes: “Boom. Are you looking for…” Why do I even talk to you guys? Everyone else, that story kills.
Thor: That’s the whole story?
James Rhodes: Yeah, it’s a War Machine story.
Thor: Oh, it’s very good, then. It’s impressive.”
“Tony Stark: Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?
James Rhodes: No, it’s never come up.
Tony Stark: Saved New York?
James Rhodes: Never heard that.”
“Laura: What about Nat and Dr. Banner? How long has that been going on?
Clint Barton: Has what?
Laura: [laughs] You are so cute.
Clint Barton: Nat and… and Banner?
Laura: I’ll explain when you’re older. Hawkeye.
Clint Barton: Oh. Okay.”
“Nick Fury: [on Ultron] Guy’s multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit!”
“Natasha Romanoff: [after kissing Bruce Banner] I adore you… [suddenly pushes him off cliff] …but I need the Other Guy.”
“Ultron: You’re unbelievably naïve.
Vision: Well, I was born yesterday.”
“Steve Rogers: Fury, you son of a bitch.
Nick Fury: Oooh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?”
“Tony Stark: [as Thor leaves a Bifrost mark] That man has no respect for lawn maintenance.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Ant-Man
With the release of Ant-Man we got to enjoy Paul Rudd joining the MCU. His antics trying to master the suit that can make him tiny (or big) were very comical at times. These are the funniest lines from Ant-Man.
“Scott Lang: [raises hand] Excuse me, Dr. Pym?
Hank Pym: You don’t have to raise your hand Scott.
Scott Lang: [lowers hand] Okay. I just have one question… Who are you, who is she, what the hell is going on here, and can I go back to jail now?”
“Scott Lang: My days of breaking into places and stealing shit are over! What do you need me to do?
Hank Pym: …I want you to break into a place and steal some shit.
Scott Lang: …makes sense.”
“Scott Lang: Well, technically, I didn’t rob them. Robbery involves threat. I hate violence. I burgled them. I’m a cat burglar.
Dave: You mean you’re a pussy.
Scott Lang: Yeah.”
“Scott Lang: Hey, look what I have for you.
[Hands Cassie a gift]
Cassie Lang: Can I open it now?
Paxton: Of course sweetheart, it’s your birthday.
[Cassie pulls out a Hideous Rabbit]
Hideous Rabbit: You’re my bestest friend!
Paxton: What is that thing?
Cassie Lang: He’s so ugly! I love him! Can I go show my friends?”
“Scott Lang: Maggie, I tell you this as a friend, and as the first love of my life, your fiancé is an ass-hat.
Maggie Lang: He’s not an ass-hat.
Paxton: Hey, watch your language. Okay?
Scott Lang: Oh, what language? I said hat.”
“Hank Pym: The final phase of your training will be a stealth incursion.
Ant-Man: It’s freezing! You couldn’t make a suit with a flannel lining?”
“Scott Lang: We need a fake security guard on the inside, somebody else to hack into the power supply, and a getaway guy.
Hank Pym: No, no, no, not those three wombats!”
“Scott Lang: I was in prison for three years, I know how to punch.
Hope Van Dyne: Show me.
[Scott punches her hand]
Hope Van Dyne: Terrible.
Scott Lang: You wanna show me how to punch?
[lifts his hand up] Show me…
Hope Van Dyne: [punches Scott in the face, knocking him down] That’s how you punch.”
“Hope Van Dyne: [to Scott] Alright, princess. Let’s get back to work.”
“Scott Lang: Hey, how’s your girl, man?
Luis: Ah, she left me.
Scott Lang: Oh.
Luis: And my mom died too. And my dad got deported.
[Scott just stares in awkward silence]
Luis: [Suddenly enthused] But I got the van!”
“Scott Lang: [Demonstrating his Ant-Man suit to his crew for the first time] Now, look. This is gonna get weird, all right? It’s pretty freaky, but it’s safe. There’s no reason to be scared.
Luis: Oh, no no. Daddy don’t get scared.
Scott Lang: Really?
Luis: Yeah.
Scott Lang: Good. [Closes his helmet and pushes the button that shrinks him]
Kurt: [Gasps, jumps out of chair] This is the work of gypsies!
Dave: That’s witchcraft!
Luis: [Keeping his cool] That’s amazing. That’s like some David Copperfield shit!
Dave: That’s wizardry!
Kurt: Sorcery!
Luis: How’d you do that, bro?
Scott Lang: Don’t freak out, look at your shoulder.
Luis: [Looks at his shoulder, starts screaming, and runs out of the room] Get if off! Get it off!
Scott Lang: I thought Daddy didn’t get scared!”
“Paxton: Freeze!
Dave: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute! There was a black guy that looked exactly like me who attacked us and put us in the back of this disgusting van.”
“Hope Van Dyne: [Referring to a napping Luis, Dave and Kurt] I gave them each half a Xanax and Hank explained the science of the suit to them. Fell right asleep.”
“Yellowjacket: I’m gonna disintegrate you!
Siri: Playing “Disintegration” by the Cure”
“Gale: [seeing a blown up ant] That is one messed up looking dog.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Captain America: Civil War
Perhaps the darkest and saddest of the Avengers films (so far), there were still witty lines in Captain America: Civil War, especially when Spiderman joined the gang. While a team being broken apart isn’t all that amusing, these are the lines from Captain America: Civil War that are funny!
“FedEx Driver: [Checks delivery address] Are you Tony… .Stank?
War Machine: [Tony looks embarrassed, Rhodey nods] Yes, this is, this is Tony Stank, you’re in the right place. [after accepting delivery] Thank you for that! [to Tony] Never dropping that, by the way. Table for one, Mr Stank, please, by the bathroom.”
“Iron Man: Focus up. I’m sorry… did I just mishear you or did you just agree with me?
Black Widow: Oh I want to take it back now.
Iron Man: No, no no. You can’t retract it.”
“T’Challa: Two people in a room can get more done than a hundred.
King T’Chaka: Unless you need to move a piano.”
“Scott Lang: Ca… Captain America… [shakes Steve’s hand vigorously]
Steve Rogers: Mr. Lang.
Scott Lang: It’s an honor. I’m shaking your hand too long. Wow, this is awesome!”
“Hawkeye: I retire for what, like, five minutes, and it all goes to shit.”
“Tony Stark: So, you’re the Spiderling. Crime-fighting Spider. You’re Spider-Boy?
Peter Parker: S-Spider-Man.
Tony Stark: Not in that onesie, you’re not.
Peter Parker: It’s not a onesie.”
“[to T’Challa/Black Panther] Sam Wilson: So you like cats?
Steve Rogers: Sam…
Sam Wilson: What? Dude shows up dressed like a cat and you don’t wanna know more?”
“Spider-Man: Hey guys, you ever see that really old movie, Empire Strikes Back?
War Machine: Jesus, Tony, how old is this guy?
Iron Man: I don’t know, I didn’t carbon date him. He’s on the young side.”
“Captain America: You got heart, kid. Where are you from?
Spider-Man: [straining] Queens!
Captain America: [chuckles in mild disbelief] Brooklyn!”
“Ant-Man: Look, I really don’t want to hurt you.
Black Widow: I wouldn’t stress about it. [beats up Ant-Man]“
“Spider-Man: [to Bucky] You have a metal arm? That is AWESOME, dude!”
“Ant-Man: [internally damaging the Iron Man suit] Oh, you’re going to have to take this to the shop.
Iron Man: Who’s speaking?
Ant-Man: It’s your conscience. We don’t talk a lot these days.”
“Captain America: All right, Sam. What’s the play?
Falcon: We need a diversion. Something big.
Ant-Man: I got something kinda big. But I can’t hold it very long. On my signal, run like hell. And if I tear myself in half, don’t come back for me.
Bucky Barnes: He’s gonna tear himself in half?
Captain America: You sure about this, Scott?
Ant-Man: I do it all the time. I mean, once. In a lab. Then I passed out. I’m the boss, I’m the boss, I’m the boss. I’m the boss!
[Ant-Man becomes giant]
Spider-Man Holy shit!
[Ant-Man laughs and grabs War Machine]
War Machine: Okay, tiny dude is big now. He’s big now.
Captain America: I guess that’s the signal.
Falcon: Way to go, Tic Tac!
Iron Man: Give me back my Rhodey.”
“Spider-Man: [after taking down the Falcon and webbing him up] Are those carbon fiber wings?
Falcon: Is this stuff coming out of you?”
“Falcon: [after being trapped by Spider-Man] I don’t know if you’ve been in a fight before, but there’s usually not this much talking.
Spider-Man: All right, sorry. My bad.”
“Spider-Man: [after taking down Giant-Man] Whoa, no, I’m not done, I’ve gotta get him back!
Iron Man: You’re going home, or I’m calling Aunt May! You’re DONE! [exits]
Spider-Man: Wait, Mr. Stark! I’m not done, I’m not… [tries to get up; collapses, sighs] Okay, I’m done.”
“Natasha Romanoff: Looking over your shoulder should be second nature.
Sam Wilson: Anyone ever tell you you’re a little paranoid?
Natasha Romanoff: Not to my face. Why, did you hear something?”
“Steve Rogers: You see that Range Rover halfway up the block?
Wanda Maximoff: Yeah, the red one? It’s cute.
Natasha Romanoff: It’s also bulletproof, which means private security, which means more guns, which means more headaches for somebody. Probably us.
Wanda Maximoff: You guys know I can move things with my mind, right?”
“Black Widow: Thank you.
Sam Wilson: [holds up Redwing] Don’t thank me.
Black Widow: I’m not thanking that.
Sam Wilson: Aw, come on. Touch it, give it a kiss.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Spiderman: Homecoming
In playing the iconic role of Spiderman, Tom Holland manages to become one of the most awkward and relatable superheroes in the MCU. Perhaps his youthful exuberance is part of that, so there were plenty of light-hearted moments in his first MCU film. Here are the best funny lines from Spiderman: Homecoming.
“[Spider-Man shows up at a robbery carried out by men in Avengers masks] Spider-Man: Wait a minute… You guys aren’t the real Avengers! I can tell. Hulk gives it away.”
“Ned Leeds: Do you lay eggs?
Peter Parker: [taken aback] What? No!
Ned Leeds: Can you spit venom?
Peter Parker: No.
Ned Leeds: Can you summon an army of spiders?
Peter Parker: [beat] No, Ned.”
“Ned Leeds: You got bit by a spider? Can it bite me? Well, it probably would have hurt, right? You know what? Whatever. Even if it did hurt, I’d let it bite me. Maybe. How much did it hurt?
Peter Parker: The spider’s dead, Ned.”
“Spider-Man: [secures Davis’s hand to his car with a web] That’s going to dissolve in two hours.
Aaron Davis: No. No, no! You’re going to fix this!
Spider-Man: Two hours! You deserve that!
Aaron Davis: I’ve got ice cream!
Spider-Man: You’re a criminal! Bye, Mr. Criminal!”
“Street Vendor: Hey! You’re that spider guy from TV!
Spider-Man: Call me Spider-Man.
Street Vendor: Ok, Spider-Man. Do a flip. [Spider-Man does a flip] YEAH!”
“Peter Parker: [in a car with Tony] So, to become an Avenger, is there like trials or an interview?
Tony Stark: Just don’t do anything I *would* do.
[Peter nods]
Tony Stark: And definitely don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.
[Peter looks confused]
Tony Stark: There’s a little gray area in there and that’s where you operate.
Peter Parker: Oh…
Tony Stark: Alright? [Tony reaches across Peter with his arm. Peter wraps his arms around him] That’s not a hug, I’m just grabbing the door for you.”
“Peter Parker: Wow, they’re in the middle of a heist! I could catch them all red-handed, this is awesome! Okay, I’m gonna get a little closer so I can see what’s happening.
KAREN: Would you like me to engage Enhanced Combat Mode?
Peter Parker: Enhanced Combat Mode? Yeah!
KAREN: Activating Instant-Kill.
Peter Parker: What? No, no, no, I don’t wanna kill anybody!
KAREN: Deactivating Instant-Kill.
[Peter jumps out of his position and tries to swing, only to plummet face-first into the ground]
Peter Parker: What the hell just happened?
KAREN: You jumped off a sign and landed on your face.”
“Peter Parker: Just a typical homecoming, on the outside of an invisible jet, fighting my girlfriends dad.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Doctor Strange
The Doctor Who franchise wouldn’t cast Benedict Cumberbatch as the doctor, so Marvel made him Doctor Strange. While his journey to meet the Ancient One and master magic wasn’t hilarious in itself, there were still moments to make us chuckle. Here are the funniest lines from Doctor Strange.
“Dr. Stephen Strange: [after Mordo hands him a card] Well, what’s this? My mantra?
Baron Mordo: The Wi-Fi password. We’re not savages.”
“[on learning Wong’s name] Dr. Stephen Strange: Wong. Just Wong? Like Adele? Or Aristotle. Drake. Bono… Eminem.”
“Wong: What do you want, Strange?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Books on Astral Projection.
Wong: You’re not ready for that.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Try me, Beyoncé. [Wong remains silent] Come on! You’ve heard of her, she’s a huge star, right? [pause] Do you ever laugh? Come on, just give me the book.
Wong: No.”
“Wong: How’s your Sanskrit?
Dr. Stephen Strange: I’m fluent in Google Translate.”
“[Strange is experimenting with time manipulation using the Eye of Agamotto]
Baron Mordo: [bursting in] Stop! Tampering with continuum probabilities is forbidden!
Dr. Stephen Strange: I-I-I was just doing exactly what it said in the book!
Wong: And what did the book say about the dangers of performing that ritual?
Dr. Stephen Strange: I don’t know, I hadn’t gotten to that part yet.
Baron Mordo: Temporal manipulations can create branches in time. Unstable dimensional openings. Spatial paradoxes! Time loops! You wanna get stuck reliving the same moment over and over forever or never having existed at all?
Dr. Stephen Strange: They really should put the warnings before this spell.”
“Dr. Christine Palmer: Where have you been?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Well, after Western medicine failed me, I headed east, and I ended up in Kathmandu.
Dr. Christine Palmer: Kathmandu?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Yeah.
Dr. Christine Palmer: What? Like the Bob Seger Song?
Dr. Stephen Strange: 1975, Beautiful Loser, side A. Yeah. And I went to a place called Kamar-Taj and I… talked to someone called “The Ancient One.” And I…
Dr. Christine Palmer: Oh. So you joined a cult.
Dr. Stephen Strange: No, I didn’t. No, not exactly. No. I mean… They did teach me to tap into powers that I never even knew existed.
Dr. Christine Palmer: Yeah. That sounds like a cult.
Dr. Stephen Strange: It’s not a cult.
Dr. Christine Palmer: Well, that’s what a cultist would say.”
“Kaecilius: How long have you been at Kamar-Taj, Mister…
Dr. Stephen Strange: Doctor!
Kaecilius: Mr. Doctor?
Dr. Stephen Strange: It’s Strange.
Kaecilius: Maybe. Who am I to judge?”
“Dr. Stephen Strange: [after having just manipulated time to resurrect Wong] I’m breaking the laws of nature. I know.
Wong: Well, don’t stop now.”
“Kaecilius: What is this?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Well, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted. Eternal life as part of the One. You’re not gonna like it.
[Kaecilius and his Zealots are sucked into the Dark Dimension]
Dr. Stephen Strange: Yeah, you know, you really should have stolen the whole book because the warnings… The warnings come after the spells.
[Wong laughs]“
The Best Funny Quotes from Black Panther
Wakanda forever! This film featured a lot of soul-searching and fighting, but the moments of brevity between T’Challa and Shuri were probably the funniest parts. As well as those, here are all the funniest lines from Black Panther.
“Shuri: The real question is WHAT ARE THOSE? Why do you have your toes out in my lab?
T’Challa: What, you don’t like my royal sandals? I wanted to go old school for my first day.”
“Shuri: The entire suit sits within the teeth of the necklace. Strike it.
T’Challa: Anywhere?
Shuri: Mmm-hmm.
[T’Challa knocks the suit across the room]
Shuri: Not that hard, genius!
T’Challa: You told me to strike it. You didn’t say how hard.
Shuri: I invite you to my lab, and you just kick things around?”
“Everett K. Ross: What I’m doing or not doing on behalf of the U.S. government is none of your concern. Now, whatever the hell you’re up to, do me a favor, stay out of my way.
T’Challa: I gave you Zemo.
Everett K. Ross: Didn’t I keep it under wraps that the king of a third-world country runs around in a bulletproof cat suit? I’d say we were even. “
“[Shuri drives a car and runs over someone]
Shuri: What was that?
T’Challa: Don’t worry about it, you’re doing fine!”
“Everett K. Ross: [Everett drives up to a stranded Okoye and Nakia after their car explodes] Hop in. Put that spear in the trunk.”
“Everett K. Ross: So this is a big mess, huh? I figured we could go good cop/bad cop. I’ll talk to him first, then you guys go in.
Okoye: [in Xosha] We can’t let him talk to Klaue alone.
T’Challa: [in Xosha, too] Better to let him talk to Klaue alone for five minutes than to make a scene here. [in English] After your questioning, we will take him back to Wakanda with us.
Everett K. Ross: What? No. Look, I like you, a lot. But he’s in my custody now. He’s not going anywhere. [thumping him on the shoulder] Listen, I’m doing you guys a favor by letting you even be here.
Okoye: [in Xosha] If he touches you again, I’m going to impale him on this desk.”
“T’Challa: If you weren’t so stubborn, you would make a great queen.
Nakia: I would make a great queen because I am so stubborn.”
“Shuri: [as a fatally wounded Everett Ross is wheeled into her lab] Great! Another broken white boy for us to fix.”
“Everett K. Ross: [after he wakes up] Is this Wakanda?
Shuri: [sarcastically] No, it’s Kansas.”
“M’Baku: If you say one more word, I’ll feed you to my children!
[Ross shuts up]
M’Baku: I’m kidding. We’re vegetarians.”
“Everett K. Ross: [pursuing Killmonger’s cache of weapons] Okay, Shuri, I got ’em. What do I do?
Shuri: Shoot them down, genius!”
The Best Funny Quotes from Thor: Ragnarok
With Taika Waititi at the helm, the tone of the third Thor movie definitely hit a comical upswing. Thor: Ragnarok is one of the funniest films in the MCU (in our opinion) and featured lots of hilarious lines. These are the funniest quotes from Thor: Ragnarok.
“Surtur: You have made a grave mistake, Odinson.
Thor: I make grave mistakes all the time. Everything seems to work out…”
“Thor: If you knew where he was, why didn’t you call me?
Dr. Stephen Strange: I had to tell you. He did not want to be disturbed. Your father. He had chosen to remain in exile. And you don’t have a phone.
Thor: No, I don’t have a phone but you could have sent me an electronic letter. It’s called an email.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Yeah. Do you have a computer?
Thor: No. What for?”
“Thor: My God, you’re a Valkyrie… You know, I used to want to be a Valkyrie when I was younger, until I found out you were all women. There’s nothing wrong with women, of course, I like women. Sometimes a little too much. Not in a creepy way, just more like a respectful appreciation. I think it’s great, an elite force of women warriors. It’s about time.”
“Grandmaster: Here’s what I wanna know. Who are you?
Thor: I – am – the God of Thunder!
[raises his arms as energy flows over his hands]
Grandmaster: [amused] I didn’t hear any thunder, but out of your fingers – was that sparkles?”
“Thor: By Odin’s beard, you shall not cut my hair, lest you feel the wrath of the mighty Thor! [pause] Please! Please kind sir, do not cut my hair! No! Nooo!”
“Thor: A creepy old man cut my hair off!”
[talking about Mjolnir] “Thor: Quite unique. It was made from this special metal from the heart of a dying star. And when I spun it really, really fast it gave me the ability to fly.
Korg: You rode a hammer?
Thor: No, I didn’t ride the hammer.
Korg: The hammer ride you on your back?
Thor: No, I would spin it really fast and it would pull me off the…
Korg: Oh my god, the hammer pulled you off?
Thor: The ground! It would pull me off the ground, into the air and I would fly.”
“[the Hulk bursts through the stadium door]
Thor: YES!
[everyone in the stadium looks confused]
Thor: Hey, hey! We know each other! He’s a friend from work! Where have you been? Everybody thought you were dead! So much has happened since I last saw you. I lost my hammer like, yesterday so that’s still pretty fresh. Loki, he’s alive! Can you believe it? He’s up there. Hey Loki! Look who it is!
Loki: [to himself] I have to get off this planet.”
“[after knocking down Hulk, Thor approaches him]
Thor: [copies what Black Widow used to do] Hey, big guy. Sun’s getting real low. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.
[Hulk grabs Thor and flattens him with repeated smashes into the floor]
Loki: [cheers] YES! That’s what it feels like! [to the Grandmaster] I’m just a big fan of the sport.”
Hulk: You’re Banner’s friend.
Thor: I’m not Banner’s friend. I prefer you.
Hulk: Banner’s friend.
Thor: I don’t even like Banner. [Imitating Banner] “I’m into numbers and science and stuff.””
“Thor: You’re not even listening!
[kicks the weapons at Hulk]
Hulk: Don’t kick stuff!
[picks up the stuff and throws at him]
Thor: You’re being a really bad friend!
Hulk: You bad friend!
Thor: You know what we call you?
Hulk: No!
Thor: We call you a stupid Avenger.
Hulk: YOU TINY AVENGER!”
“Hulk: Thor go. Hulk stay.
Thor: Fine. Stay here. Stupid place. It’s hideous, by the way. The red, the white. Just pick a color. Ridiculous.”
“Thor: Hela, the goddess of death, has invaded Asgard! And you and I had a fight.
Bruce Banner: Did I win?
Thor: No, I won! Easily!
Bruce Banner: That doesn’t sound right…
Thor: Well, it’s true!”
“Bruce Banner: You’re just using me to get to the Hulk. That’s low. You’re not my friend.
Thor: No, no, no. I don’t even like Hulk. He’s always like, grr… smash, smash, smash. I prefer you.”
“Loki: Hello, Bruce.
Bruce Banner: Last time we saw you, you were trying to kill everyone. What are you up to these days?
Loki: It varies from moment to moment.”
“Thor: Hey, let’s do ‘Get Help’.
Loki: What?
Thor: ‘Get Help’.
Loki: No.
Thor: Come on. You love it.
Loki: I hate it.
Thor: It’s great. It works every time.
Loki: It’s humiliating.
Thor: Do you have a better plan?
Loki: No.
Thor: We’re doing it.
Loki: We are not doing ‘Get Help’.
[Thor carries Loki out of the elevator in front of the guards]
Thor: Get help! Please! My brother is dying! Get help! Help him!
[as the guard approach them, Thor throws Loki at them, knocking them down]
Thor: A classic.
Loki: [gets up] I still hate it. It’s humiliating.
Thor: Not for me, it’s not.”
“Loki: Here’s the thing. I’m probably better off staying here on Sakaar.
Thor: That’s exactly what I was thinking.
Loki: …Did you just agree with me?
Thor: This place is perfect for you. It’s savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother, you’re going to do GREAT here.”
“Thor: [aboard the Commodore] Where are the weapons?
Valkyrie: There aren’t any! It’s a leisure vessel.
Bruce Banner: What?
Valkyrie: The Grandmaster uses it for his good times: orgies and stuff.
Bruce Banner: Did she just say the Grandmaster uses it for orgies?
Thor: Yeah. Don’t touch anything.”
“Bruce Banner: I don’t know how to fly this thing!
Thor: You’re a doctor, you have PhDs. You should figure it out.
Bruce Banner: None of them for flying alien spaceships!”
“Hela: [after ripping Thor’s eye out] Now you remind me of Dad.”
“Thor: She’s too strong. Without my hammer, I can’t…
Odin: Are you Thor, the god of hammers?”
“Valkyrie: [Thor, Banner and Valkyrie arrive in Asgard] I never thought I’d be back here.
Bruce Banner: I thought it’d be nicer. I mean, not that it’s not nice. It’s just, it’s on fire.”
“Korg: Hey, man. We’re just about to jump on that ginormous spaceship. Wanna come?
Loki: You do seem like you’re in desperate need of leadership.
Korg: Why, thank you!”
“Loki: Do you really think it’s a good idea to go back to earth?
Thor: Yes, of course. People on earth love me, I’m very popular.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Avengers: Infinity War
After tiny end-credit glimpses for YEARS, in Infinity War the big bad Thanos finally makes a showing for real, with devastating consequences. There were lots of funny moments when so many Marvel characters finally met up though, and these are the funniest lines from Avengers: Infinity War for your reading pleasure.
“Dr. Stephen Strange: If we don’t do our jobs…
Tony Stark: What is your job, exactly, besides making balloon animals?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Protecting your reality, douchebag.”
“Tony Stark: If Thanos needs all six, why don’t we just stick this one down a garbage disposal?
Dr. Stephen Strange: No can do.
Wong: We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone with our lives.
Tony Stark: And I swore off dairy… but then Ben & Jerry’s named a flavor after me, so…
Dr. Stephen Strange: Stark Raving Hazelnuts.
Tony Stark: Not bad.
Dr. Stephen Strange: A bit chalky.
Wong: A Hunk of Hulk of Burning Fudge is our favorite.”
“Tony Stark: I’m sorry, Earth is closed today. You better pack it up and get outta here.
Ebony Maw: Stonekeeper, does this chattering animal speak for you?
Dr. Stephen Strange: Certainly not, I speak for myself. You are trespassing in this city and on this planet.
Tony Stark: That means get lost, Squidward!”
“Tony Stark: [Bruce is struggling to Hulk out] Dude, you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards.”
“Peter Parker: [Peter saves Tony from getting crushed by Obsidian] Hey, man! What’s up, Mr Stark?
Tony Stark: Kid, where’d you come from?
Peter Parker: Field trip to MoMa!
[gets thrown by Cull Obsidian]
Peter Parker: Uh, what is this guy’s problem, Mr. Stark?
Tony Stark: Uh, he’s from space, he came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.”
“Dr. Stephen Strange: We gotta turn this ship around.
Tony Stark: Yeah, now he wants to run. Great plan.
Dr. Stephen Strange: No, I want to protect the stone.
Tony Stark: And I want you to thank me. Now, go ahead. I’m listening.
Dr. Stephen Strange: For what? Nearly blasting me into space?
Tony Stark: Who just saved your magical ass? Me.
Dr. Stephen Strange: I seriously don’t know how you fit your head into that helmet.
Tony Stark: Admit it, you should’ve ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Unlike everyone else in your life, I don’t work for you.
Tony Stark: And due to that fact, we’re now in a flying doughnut billions of miles from Earth with no backup.
Peter Parker: I’m backup.
Tony Stark: No, you’re a stowaway. The adults are talking.
Dr. Stephen Strange: I’m sorry, I’m confused as to the relationship here. What is he, your ward?
Peter Parker: No. I’m Peter, by the way.
Dr. Stephen Strange: Doctor Strange.
Peter Parker: Oh, you’re using made-up names. Um… I’m Spider-Man, then.”
“Peter Parker: Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest, or something and I eat one of you, I’m sorry.
Tony Stark: I do not want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip. Do you understand?”
“Ebony Maw: Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine.
Tony Stark: Yeah, but the kid’s seen more movies. [blows a hole in the ship, Ebony Maw is sucked out into space as in the climax of Aliens]“
“[the Guardians bring Thor aboard]
Peter Quill: How the hell is this dude still alive?
Drax: He is not a dude. You’re a dude. This… this is a man. A handsome, muscular man.
Peter Quill: I’m muscular.
Rocket Raccoon: Who are you kidding, Quill? You’re one sandwich away from fat.
Peter Quill: Yeah, right.
Drax: It’s true. You have put on weight.
Peter Quill: What?
[Drax gestures at his chin and gut]
Peter Quill: Gamora, do you think I’m…
Mantis: [sensing Thor] He is anxious, angry, he feels tremendous loss and guilt.
Drax: It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel.
Peter Quill: Wow. This is a real wake-up call for me. Okay, I’m gonna get a Bowflex. I’m gonna commit. I’m gonna get some dumbbells.
Rocket Raccoon: You know you can’t eat dumbbells, right?
Gamora: [touching Thor’s arms] It’s like his muscles are made of Chitauri metal fibers.
Peter Quill: Stop massaging his muscles.”
“Rocket Raccoon: You speak Groot?
Thor: Yes, they taught it on Asgard. It was an elective.”
“Rocket Raccoon: This is Thanos we’re talking about. He’s the toughest there is.
Thor: Well, he’s never fought me.
Rocket Raccoon: Yeah, he has.
Thor: He’s never fought me twice.”
“Rocket Raccoon: Nidavellir is real? Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend. They make the most powerful and horrific weapons to ever torment the universe. I would very much like to go there, please.
Thor: The rabbit is correct and clearly the smartest among you.
Rocket Raccoon: Rabbit?”
“Thor: Only Eitri the Dwarf can make me the weapon I need. I assume you’re the captain, sir.
Rocket Raccoon: You’re very perceptive.
Thor: You seem like a noble leader. Will you join me on my quest to Nidavellir?
Rocket Raccoon: Ah, let me just ask the captain. Oh, wait a second, it’s me! Yeah. I’ll go.”
“Rocket Raccoon: Well, if fate does want you to kill that crap-sack, you’re gonna need more than one stupid eyeball.
[gives Thor an eyeball]
Thor: What’s this?
Rocket Raccoon: What’s it look like? Some jerk lost a bet with me in Contraxia.
Thor: They gave you his eye?
Rocket Raccoon: No, he gave me a hundred credits. I snuck into his room later that night and stole his eye.
Thor: Thank you, sweet rabbit.”
“Thor: I bid you farewell and good luck, morons.”
“Tony Stark: You’re from Earth?
Peter Quill: I’m not from Earth, I’m from Missouri.
Tony Stark: Yeah, that’s on Earth, dipshit!”
“Peter Quill: Wait, who are you?
Peter Parker: We’re the Avengers, man.
Mantis: You’re the ones Thor told us about.
Tony Stark: You know Thor?
Peter Quill: Yeah, tall guy, not that good-looking, needed saving.”
“Peter Quill: Dude, don’t call us plucky. We don’t know what it means. We’re more optimistic, yes. I like your plan. Except, it sucks. So let me do the plan and that way it might be really good.
Drax: Tell him about the dance-off to save the Universe.
Tony Stark: What dance-off?
Peter Quill: It’s not a thing.
Peter Parker: Like in Footloose, the movie?
Peter Quill: Exactly like Footloose. Is it still the greatest movie in history?”
“Peter Parker: [catches Mantis] I got you!
[catches Drax]
Peter Parker: I got you! Sorry, I can’t remember anybody’s names.”
“Bruce Banner: Who’s Scott?
Steve Rogers: Ant-Man.
Bruce Banner: There’s an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?”
“Okoye: When you said you were going to open Wakanda to the rest of the world, this is not what I imagined.
T’Challa: What did you imagine?
Okoye: The Olympics, maybe even a Starbucks.”
“[Thor appears with Stormbreaker]
Bruce Banner: [laughs with joy] You guys are so screwed now!”
“Steve Rogers: New haircut?
Thor: Looks like you’ve copied my beard. By the way, this is a friend of mine, the tree.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Ant-Man and The Wasp
The events of the second Ant-Man film coincided with what was happening in Infinity War, on a parallel storyline. While the film featured a lot of science talk (quantum realm what?) there were numerous spots of humor, of course. These are the funniest lines from Ant-Man and the Wasp.
“Scott Lang: You have to take me home. They could show up any second!
Hope van Dyne: Relax. As far as your nanny cops know, you’re still at home.
[he sees he’s free of his ankle monitor]
Luis: [at Scott’s house, he startled to see a giant ant on the couch] Whoa! Scotty?
Hope van Dyne: He’s programmed to replicate your daily routine. Nine hours in bed. Five hours in front of the TV. Two hours in the bathroom, whatever that’s about.
Scott Lang: That’s totally inaccurate. And how do you know about my daily routine? Are you spying on me?
Hope van Dyne: We keep tabs on all security threats, all right? And so far, the biggest one we’ve had is you.”
“[Scott Lang shrunk down to a child’s size; runs into Pym’s car after going undercover in a school]
Dr. Hank Pym: Hiya, champ, how was school today?
Scott Lang: Aw, ha ha ha! Alright, get your jokes out now, can you fix the suit?
Hope van Dyne: So cranky.
Dr. Hank Pym: You want a juice box and some string cheese?
Scott Lang: Do you really have that?”
“Dr. Hank Pym: We think when you went down there, you may have entangled with her.
Scott Lang: Hank, I would never do that. I respect you too much.
Dr. Hank Pym: Quantum entanglement, Scott.”
“Dr. Hank Pym: Relax. No one’s gonna recognize us.
Scott Lang: What, because of hats and sunglasses? It’s not a disguise, Hank. We look like ourselves at a baseball game.”
“Cassie: Don’t just stand there! Let’s bounce before the po-po come back!
Scott Lang: Po-po? How do you even know that?”
The Best Funny Quotes from Avengers: Endgame
Most of Endgame was quite dark and sad, obviously, but no Marvel film would be complete without the signature moments of heroes using humor to get through hard times. These are the funniest lines from Avengers: Endgame.
“Tony Stark: Honestly, at this exact second, I thought you were a Build-a-Bear.
Rocket: Maybe I am.”
“Steve Rogers: You know, I saw a pod of whales when I was coming in, over the bridge.
Natasha Romanoff: In the Hudson?
Steve Rogers: Fewer ships, cleaner water…
Natasha Romanoff: You know, if you’re about to tell me to look on the bright side – I’m about to hit you in the head with a peanut butter sandwich.
Steve Rogers: Sorry, force of habit.”
“Tony Stark: [to his daughter] Go to bed, or I’ll sell all your toys.”
“Korg: [playing Fortnite] Thor, he’s back. That kid on the TV just called me a dickhead again.
Thor: Noobmaster.
Korg: Yeah, Noobmaster69.
Thor: [takes the headset] Noobmaster, hey, it’s Thor again. You know, the God of Thunder? Listen, buddy, if you don’t log off this game immediately, I am gonna fly over to your house, come down to that basement you’re hiding in, rip off your arms and shove them up your butt! Oh, that’s right, yes, go cry to your father, you little weasel!
Korg: Thank you, Thor.
Thor: Let me know if he bothers you again, okay?
Korg: Thank you very much, I will.”
“Bruce Banner: [as Professor Hulk, after taking photos with 3 young fans] Thanks, kids! Haha, dab! [Actually dabs]“
“Natasha Romanoff: That Time Stone guy.
Bruce Banner: Doctor Strange.
Natasha Romanoff: Yeah, what… what kind of doctor was he?
Tony Stark: Ear/nose/throat meets rabbit-from-hat.”
“Rocket: Quill said he stole the Power Stone from Morag.
Bruce Banner: Is that a person?
Rocket: Morag’s a planet, Quill was a person.
Scott Lang: A planet? Like in outer space?
Rocket: Oh, look, it’s like a little puppy, all happy and everything. Do you want to go to space, puppy? I’ll take you to outer space!”
“Scott Lang: If you do this and it doesn’t work, you’re not coming back.
Tony Stark: [nervous] Thanks for the pep talk, piss-ant.”
“Tony Stark: [to Steve, referring to his 2012 self] Mr. Rogers, I almost forgot, that suit did nothing for your ass.
Steve Rogers: No one asked you to look, Tony.
Tony Stark: It’s ridiculous.
Scott Lang: I think you look great, Cap. As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s ass.”
“Steve Rogers: [Rogers looks at his past self, who is lying face-down, unconscious] He’s right. That IS America’s ass.”
“Thor: [seeing Cap wielding Mjolnir] I knew it!”
“Thor: [Captain America is using Stormbreaker] No, give me that. [Thor gives him Mjolnir] You have the little one.”
“Valkyrie: What will you do?
Thor: I’m not sure. For the first time in a thousand years, I… I have no path. I do have a ride, though.
Rocket: Move it or lose it, hairbag.”
The Best Funny Quotes from Spiderman: Far From Home
After the bittersweet ending of Endgame, we witness Peter Parker struggling to make sense of a world without his mentor. Luckily his youthful charm brought us plenty of laughs though! These are the funniest lines from Spiderman: Far From Home.
“Aunt May: Hungry? [May throws a banana at Peter and hits him in the face] You can dodge bullets but not bananas? I thought that you could sense that with your Peter-Tingle.
Peter Parker: Please stop saying “Tingle”, May.”
“Flash Thompson: [about Mysterio] He’s all right. He’s no Spider-Man.
MJ: What is it with you and Spider-Man?
Flash Thompson: What? He’s just awesome, okay? He protects the neighborhood and, you know, he’s inspiring. He’s inspires me to be a better man. [Peter walks into the room] What’s up, dickwad? I thought you drowned.”
“Happy Hogan: You handle the suit. I’ll handle the music.
[‘Back in Black’ by AC/DC plays]
Peter Parker: Oh, I love Led Zeppelin!”
“Happy Hogan: Heads-up. Nick Fury’s calling you.
[Peter notices his phone ringing]
Peter Parker: I don’t really wanna talk to Nick Fury.
Happy Hogan: Answer the phone.
Peter Parker: Why?
Happy Hogan: Because if you don’t talk to him, I have to talk to him. I don’t want to talk to him.
[Peter declines Fury’s call]
Happy Hogan: You sent Nick Fury to voicemail?
Peter Parker: I gotta go.
Happy Hogan: You do not ghost Nick Fury!”
“Peter Parker: What’s your password?
Happy Hogan: Password.
Peter Parker: No, what is your password?
Happy Hogan: Password. The word spelled out.
Peter Parker: You’re head of security and your password is “password”?
Happy Hogan: I don’t feel good about it either.”
“Nick Fury: We have a job to do, and you’re coming with us.
Peter Parker: There’s gotta be someone else you can use. What about Thor?
Nick Fury: Off-world.
Peter Parker: Doctor Strange
Maria Hill: Unavailable.
Peter Parker: Captain Marvel.
Nick Fury: Don’t you invoke her name!
Peter Parker: I’m just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
Nick Fury: Bitch, please! You’ve been to space.”
“Nick Fury: Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Stark said you wouldn’t get that because it’s not a Star Wars reference.”
“Peter Parker: MJ, I…
MJ: …am Spider-Man?
Peter Parker: No. Of course not!
MJ: I mean it’s… kind of obvious.”
“MJ: You know, Susan Yang thinks you’re a male escort.
Peter Parker: What? No! Of course I’m not a male escort.
MJ: Well then you’re Spider-Man.”
“Ned Leeds: [to MJ after she finds out Spider-Man’s identity] So, you know too. It’s cool. I mean, I’ve known first and I’ve known longer but, it’s not a competition.”
“Spider-Man: Excuse me, sir! I can help! Let me help! I’m really strong and I’m… sticky!”
“Flash Thompson: I post stupid videos daily for people to like me.
Happy Hogan: Hey, if it wasn’t for those stupid videos, Spider-Man would have never found you.
Flash Thompson: Spider-Man…? Spider-Man follows me? I saved us, guys!
MJ: If you saved us, why are we about to die?”
Did We Miss Any of Your Favourite Funny Marvel Quotes?
Let us know in the comments below!
Want more Marvel quotes? Check these out:
- Here are the 100+ Funniest Lines from the MCU
- Here are the best quotes from Spider-Man
- Here are the best quotes from Ironman/Tony Stark
- Here are the best quotes from Captain America
- Here are the best quotes from Black Widow
- Here are the best quotes from Loki
- Here are the best quotes from Thor
- Here are the best quotes from Thanos
- Here are the best quotes from Captain Marvel
- Here are the best quotes from WandaVision
- Here are the best quotes from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
- Here are the best Sam Wilson quotes
- Here are the best Bucky Barnes quotes
- BONUS: These hilarious Marvel-themed pickup lines
