Riverdale is one of those shows that keeps on giving, whether it’s through reminding us of the epic highs and lows of high school football, or ruining the word “endgame” for us all. With its spicy mix of romance, mystery, suspense, drama, and everything in between, Riverdale is just one of those shows that you can’t help but love.
And, over the show’s past four seasons, the writers have gifted us with some truly wonderful gems and quotes… from the cringey and ridiculous to the actual heartfelt and powerful.
So, in honour of the rollercoaster ride that is ‘fair Riverdale’, here is a roundup of our favourite Riverdale quotes and lines, split up into various categories for your browsing pleasure.
The Funniest Riverdale Quotes From the Show
Riverdale has a little bit of everything – drama, romance, suspense, mystery, and (our personal favourite) comedy. Here are some of the best funny lines from Riverdale.
“Kevin: Are we 100% sure that Archie’s straight? Because no straight man has that body.” Season 1, Episode 2 “Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil”
“Jughead: Do you think I could use Jason Blossom’s death as an excuse to get out of PE?” Season 1, Episode 2 “Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil”
“Betty: My parents are crazy.
Jughead: They’re parents. They’re all crazy.” Season 1, Episode 6 “Chapter Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!”
“Alice: Do you think that you can just waltz in here, with a bedbug-infested Trojan Horse, wave a blank check around and steal my daughter?” Season 1, Episode 8 “Chapter Eight: The Outsiders”
“Jughead: Stranger things have happened, man. Like for instance, my dad shaved. Which is the equivalent of tectonic plates shifting.” Season 1, Episode 11 “Chapter Eleven: To Riverdale and Back Again”
“Reggie: Why are you seeking guidance from Ms. Burble?
Archie: I’m not.
Reggie: Maybe you should. You look like my nuts after football practice.” Season 2, Episode 2 “Chapter Fifteen: Nighthawks”
“Toni: I’m Toni Topaz. I was supposed to give you the full animatronic tour, but some robots went insane and started killing the guests, so, we’ll just wing it.” Season 2, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixteen: The Watcher in the Woods
“Kevin: It’s like, yeah, Archie, you have the physique of a 1970s porn star, but that doesn’t mean you can wrestle.” Season 2, Episode 11 “Chapter Twenty-Four: The Wrestler”
“Betty: Hey. It’s not like Jughead Jones to neglect a free buffet. You okay?” Season 2, Episode 12 “Chapter Twenty-Five: The Wicked and the Divine”
“Alice: Shut your face, you half-melted ten cent trollop!
Toni: Oh, this is riveting.” Season 2, Episode 15 “Chapter Twenty-Eight: There Will Be Blood”
“Kevin: Hot Riverdale Dads to the Rescue.” Season 2, Episode 21 “Chapter Thirty-Four: Judgment Night”
“Jughead: I’m going on a hunger strike to protest Southside High closing and to get it reopened. …… What?
Archie; I’m sorry, man. It’s just… You’re, like, always eating.” Archie Season 2, Episode 16 “Chapter Twenty-Nine: Primary Colors”
“That means you haven’t known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.” Season 3, Episode 2 “Chapter Thirty-Seven: Fortune and Men’s Eyes”
“Veronica: Serpettes, have either of you seen Jughead? I have a problem that his name scribbled all over it.
Cheryl: You mean True Detective? He’s busy canoodling Nancy Drew no doubt. How can we help?” Season 3, Episode 3 “Chapter Thirty-Eight: As Above, So Below”
“Reggie: I don’t buy it. There’s no way my old man hung out and did, like, cosplay with a group of lame-ass nerds.” Reggie Season 3, Episode 5 “Chapter Forty: The Great Escape”
“I’d recognize those abs anywhere. Archie?” Season 3, Episode 5
“Chapter Forty: The Great Escape”
“Jellybean: Dated? As in, no longer dating? As in, single?
Jughead: Relax, Jellybean.” Season 3, Episode 8 “Chapter Forty-Three: Outbreak”
“Reggie: Gonna bro it up with my bud Arch here, just two single straight dudes doing some theater.” Season 3, Episode 16 “Chapter Fifty-One: Big Fun”
“Betty: You’re a life saver, Toni.
Toni: Well, you know what they say, it takes a village to mercy kidnap a child.” Season 3, Episode 19 “Chapter Fifty-Four: Fear the Reaper”
“Yeah, Ronnie, your dad sucks.” Season 3, Episode 21 “Chapter Fifty-Six: The Dark Secret of Harvest House”
“Kevin: I’m no expert, Betty, but… it doesn’t sound like Charles is a serial killer. Kinda just sounds like, he’s a… a lonely gay guy.” Season 4, Episode 6 “Chapter Forty-One: Manhunter”
“Cheryl: I don’t eat nougat, I don’t take bribes, and I don’t talk to trade-school flunkies about my feelings.” Season 4, Episode 8 “Chapter Sixty-Five: In Treatment”
“Betty: Reggie, care to comment?
Reggie: You want a quote, Betts? Sure. I’ll give you a quote. Stonewall sucks.” Season 4, Episode 9 “Chapter Sixty-Six: Tangerine”
“Pop: No offense, Veronica, but your father, he wasn’t raised right.” Season 4, Episode 9 “Chapter Sixty-Six: Tangerine”
“Cheryl: I’m sorry I called Jughead a hobo that one time.
Alice: Is—is that it?
Cheryl: [pause] I’m really sorry I called Jughead a hobo that one time.” Season 4, Episode 15 “Chapter Seventy-Two: To Die For”
“Archie: You wanna go to prom with me, Jug?
Jughead: I’d be honored. But I’m not putting out.
Kevin: Let the fan fiction begin.” Season 4, Episode 19 “Chapter Seventy-Six: Killing Mr. Honey”
“Well if you promise to never bring up the epic highs and lows of high school football again, I can ask Tabitha if she’s willing to sponsor the team from Pop’s.” Season 5, Episode 6, “Chapter Eighty-Two: Back to School”
The Best Savage Quotes from Riverdale
Riverdale fans should know by now that the show is filled with savage moments, clapbacks, and insults. Here are some of the best savage moments in Riverdale history…
“Kevin: Is cheerleading still a thing?
Cheryl: Is being the gay best friend still a thing?” Season 1, Episode 1 “Chapter One: The River’s Edge”
“Hermione: Cheryl, I went to school with your mother. She didn’t know the difference between having money and having class, either.” Season 1, Episode 4 “Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show”
“Cheryl: Don’t worry. You may be a stock character from a ’90s teen movie, but I’m not.” Season 1, Episode 4 “Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show”
“Cheryl: Come on, girls. You catatonic bimbos didn’t even vote. So you stuttering sapheads are too dim to exercise your own rights, and you’ve got the combined vocabulary of a baked potato. Consider this your last practice as River Vixens, and your last week as my social handmaidens. You’re fired on all fronts. That’s all. Shoo, bitches.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Hermione: No need to be so thirsty, Veronica.” Season 2, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixteen: The Watcher in the Woods
“Kevin: Betty, don’t take this the wrong way, but how many years did I listen to you go on about Archie and Jughead? Did you ask my permission to date them? No. You didn’t need it. And I don’t need yours.” Season 2, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixteen: The Watcher in the Woods
“Penelope: You’ve never known love, Cheryl, except to rip it apart. Because you are a jealous, spite-filled, starving, emotional anorexic. Have a nice day at school, dear.” Season 2, Episode 14, “Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Hills Have Eyes”
“Cheryl: How’s the lake house? Are you all settled-in and spooning yet?
Jughead: Who is this?
Cheryl: It’s Cheryl, you welfare baby.
Jughead: Is something wrong?
Cheryl: Not yet. I just wanna make sure you know that Archie and Betty kissed in front of my house, and that it seemed pretty serious, with-tongues serious. That’s all. Enjoy your couples-only weekend. Kisses to all. Bye.” Season 2, Episode 14, “Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Hills Have Eyes”
“Veronica: Oh! I’m sorry. I’m sorry we don’t spend our time being tragic, and moping, and holding hands while watching serial-killer documentaries. And wearing costumes to role-play to get our rocks off.” Season 2, Episode 14, “Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Hills Have Eyes”
“Gee, Chic, have you ever actually been helpful in any way to anyone?” Season 2, Episode 17 “Chapter Thirty: The Noose Tightens”
“Penelope: Classy as always, Alice Smith. Just curious. Were you born with that mouth? Or is it something Southside mothers teach their bastard babies?” Season 3, Episode 4 “Chapter Thirty-Nine: The Midnight Club”
“Penny: Red, keep quiet, I’ll give you the luxury of an open casket.
Jellybean: Not if I put you in one first. Drop the butter knife, bitch.” Season 3, Episode 8 “Chapter Forty-Three: Outbreak”
“Jughead: You’re right. I wasn’t born in rarified air. I didn’t grow up with any silver spoons. But my dad had the strength to turn his life around and become a sheriff. And I have friends, and family that actually care for me. Can you even say the same? So why don’t you try writing a compelling drama, instead of starting it?” Season 4, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixty: Dog Day Afternoon”
“Betty: Hi, I was wondering if I could speak to one of your patients, please.
Operator on Phone: Name of patient?
Betty: Polly Cooper.
Operator on Phone: Who may I ask is calling?
Operator on Phone: One moment, please.
Polly: Edgar? Is it really you?
Betty: No, bitch, it’s your sister.” Season 4, Episode 4 “Chapter Sixty-One: Halloween”
“Brett: Betty… have you ever really watched or studied football? ‘Cause, sweetheart, it’s not a knitting circle.” Season 4, Episode 10 “Chapter Sixty-Seven: Varsity Blues”
“Hiram: Good luck with that. Columbia’s extremely competitive. But, I believe Riverdale Community College has a rolling admission policy. So if you study there, you could launch your rum empire. If that’s still happening.” Season 4, Episode 9 “Chapter Sixty-Six: Tangerine”
“You’re a terrible writer, Bret. So, no, I’m not going to accept your terms. This is a duel about honor. And when you lose, it’s going to be because I’m a better writer. I’m a better competitor. And I’m a better man.” Season 4, Episode 12 “Chapter Sixty-Nine: Men of Honor”
“Hermosa… we agreed to set aside our differences for Daddy’s sake. And my circle of friends is going through a huge loss. So… can you for one second just stop being such a suspicious bitch?” Season 4, Episode 14 “Chapter Seventy-One: How to Get Away with Murder”
The Best Quotes and Moments from Riverdale Parents
Let’s be honest, sometimes Riverdale’s (oddly good looking) parents are the highlights of the show. Here are some iconic Riverdale parent quotes.
“Alice: I’m sorry to interrupt your adultery, Fred, but you need to come with me.” Season 1, Episode 4 “Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show”
“FP: You’re still hot, Alice. Too bad you’re a stick in the mud.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Alice: Saw you swanning in earlier with Fred and Hermione. I didn’t realize that you were a polyamorist.
Mary: I don’t think that’s an actual word.
Alice: It’s a compliment, Mary.” Season 1, Episode 11 “Chapter Eleven: To Riverdale and Back Again”
“Veronica: Yeah, sure, Mom. No problem. I’ll just sexually manipulate Archie into doing my bidding.
Hermione: As long as you’re in control.
Veronica: Oh, my God, Mom, I was kidding.” Season 1, Episode 12 “Chapter Twelve: Anatomy of a Murder”
“Oh, Betty. If that beanie-wearing cad defiled you, at least please tell me that you were safe” Season 2, Episode 1 “Chapter Fourteen: A Kiss Before Dying”
“Alice: Is it true what they say about men who have just been released from prison, FP?
FP: What do they say?
Alice: That they’re incredibly sexually frustrated.
Betty: Mom! What?” Season 2, Episode 8 “Chapter Twenty-One: House of the Devil”
“Alice: Betty, you look terrible.
Betty: Thank you, Mom. Did you come here just to tell me that?” Season 3, Episode 8 “Chapter Forty-Three: Outbreak”
“Fred: Hiram, if you harm a hair on Archie’s head, I will kill you. Make no mistake about it. And I will be at peace with whatever the consequences of that are.” Season 3, Episode 10 “Chapter Forty-Five: The Stranger”
“FP: I can’t believe we’re doing this.
Gladys: We’re in and out in 30 seconds. Let me do the talking. Kinda reminds you of the old days, huh?
Jughead: You guys have done this before?
FP: Ah, we’re not getting into this.” Season 3, Episode 19 “Chapter Fifty-Four: Fear the Reaper”
“Archie: You sure you still wanna come, Mom?
Mary: Yeah, it’s Thanksgiving. And I know the difference between the letter of the law and doing what’s right. And feeding those kids is what’s right.” Season 4, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixty: Dog Day Afternoon”
“Hermione: You guys remember, back in high school, when we all used to hang out together? Us griping about how horrible our parents were.
Alice: And now we’re the horrible parents.” Season 4, Episode 7 “Chapter Sixty-Four: The Ice Storm”
“Hiram: Well, I hope the song and dance was fun, ’cause at midnight, you turn back into a pumpkin, Cenicienta. And all this, it goes away.” Season 4, Episode 9 “Chapter Sixty-Six: Tangerine”
“Hiram: Congratulations, mija. You have successfully awoken the dragon. Prepare to be eaten.” Season 4, Episode 13 “Chapter Seventy: The Ides of March”
“Hermione: So, my instinct is telling me that the culprit was Penelope Blossom. My guess is maybe she grew the poison in her greenhouse.
Penelope: You don’t grow cyanide, Hermione.
Hermione: A fact that only a Blossom would know.” Season 3, Episode 6 “Chapter Forty-One: Manhunter”
“Alice: It’s a standard form. I signed one scarier when I joined 23-Hour Fitness.” Season 3, Episode 13 “Chapter Forty-Eight: Requiem for a Welterweight”
“Veronica: Daddy? You’re supposed to be in jail.
Hiram: Mija, I own that jail. I come and go as I please.” Season 4, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixty: Dog Day Afternoon”
“FP: I’ll tell you what I do want. I want you to go back. I want you to do what my father never did, what I never did. Graduate high school. Show those preppies what it means to be a Jones man. Bring honor to our name.” Season 4, Episode 5 “Chapter Forty: The Great Escape”
“Hiram: I need you by my side. I need you in my bed. So say yes and we’ll start over. We’ll always be married. We’ll always be man and wife.
Hermione: I already regret this.” Season 4, Episode 6 “Chapter Forty-One: Manhunter”
“Mary: Smile and say end game!” Season 5, Episode 1, “Chapter Seventy-Seven: Climax”
“Hiram: Did you really think there wouldn’t be consequences to breaking my daughter’s heart? She’s the best thing that ever happened to you. And you spat on that. You’re a disgrace.” Season 5, Episode 2, “Chapter 78: The Preppy Murders”
“Hermione: Sounds like you two are planning a hostile takeover. I am so in.” Season 5, Episode 2, “Chapter 78: The Preppy Murders”
“Hiram: Girls, all I need to do business are my fists and my gun. Now get the hell out of my study before I throw you both out” Season 5, Episode 2, “Chapter 78: The Preppy Murders”
“Penelope: Nightmare child, what do you mean?” Season 5, Episode 3, “Chapter 79: Graduation”
“Hiram: oh I think you’re gonna need better than that badge that you got out of a Jacker Crack box, Betty.” Season 5, Episode 7 “Chapter Eighty Three: Fire in the Sky”
Real Riverdale Quotes that Addressed Actual Important Topics
From time to time, Riverdale has moments that actually touch on real-life issues really well. Here are some examples of that.
“Josie: I mean do you know why we’re called the Pussycats? Because we have to claw our way into the same rooms that you can just waltz into.” Season 1, Episode 3 “Chapter Three: Body Double”
“No, Kevin, it’s a slut-shaming thing. And I’m neither a slut, nor am I going to be shamed by someone named, excuse me, Chuck Clayton.” Season 1, Episode 3 “Chapter Three: Body Double”
“Betty: And all this time, I thought you were a lover, not a fighter.
Jughead: I’m both. I’ve got layers. You were doing something nice, it’s just that sometimes, when people do nice things for me, I short circuit. Maybe I’m not used to it. Maybe I’m scared. Of getting hurt. Or being rejected for being myself.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Kevin: You act like we’ve got the same set of options, but we don’t. You live in this pale-pink world of milk shakes and first kisses and “Am I gonna date Archie or Jughead?”
Cheryl: Except for when she’s Dark Betty.
Kevin: Right, right. Except for when you’re exploring your BDSM sexuality, which again, you’re allowed to do, but I’m not, because why? This is what I’ve got, Betty. Me, these woods. So, please don’t come here and tell me it’s disgusting. If you can’t accept what I do, whatever I do, then we’re just– We’re not really friends.” Season 2, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixteen: The Watcher in the Woods
“Take your male gaze and your male privilege and get out of the women’s locker room!” Season 2, Episode 8 “Chapter Twenty-One: House of the Devil”
“Toni: Look, I get it. You hate the Northside. You hate that instead of inviting you to a party, they asked you to work it. It triggers all your rage about being born on the wrong side of the tracks. But this? This wasn’t your story to tell.” Season 2, Episode 11 “Chapter Twenty-Four: The Wrestler”
“Toni: Cheryl, I am so sorry. But you have to know your mother’s wrong. You’re not loveless. You’re not deviant. Okay? You’re sensational.” Season 2, Episode 14, “Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Hills Have Eyes”
“I’m sorry, guys. I can’t help but think life goes by so fast. And none of us are very good at stopping to savor it.” Season 4, Episode 2 “Chapter Fifty-Nine: Fast Times at Riverdale High”
“Kevin We are relentlessly slammed with crisis after crisis. And we take it, and we’re numb, yes, but also screaming on the inside. Please, just listen to us. We’re people, not numbers.” Season 4, Episode 17 “Chapter Seventy-Four: Wicked Little Town”
The Best Romantic Riverdale Quotes
“Archie: Every day I wonder, what if I had left Riverdale with my mom? Would things be… Would I be better off?
Veronica: I can’t answer that, Archie, but we wouldn’t have met, and that would’ve been a tragedy of epic proportions.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Archie [to Fred]: And I kinda started imagining what we would’ve talked about at Pop’s this morning, if things hadn’t gone to hell. You would’ve asked me about Veronica. I would’ve told you how crazy I am about her.” Season 2, Episode 1 “Chapter Fourteen: A Kiss Before Dying”
“Jughead: I wish we could just go. Just hop on a motorcycle and just leave Riverdale. Go someplace where there’s no Northside, or Southside…or Serpents, Ghoulies.
Betty: No… crazy moms, no Black Hoods. Like Romeo and Juliet, but we live happily ever after instead.” Season 2, Episode 5 “Chapter Eighteen: When a Stranger Calls”
“Betty: Before you get in the car, I need you to know… I never stopped loving you, Jug. I’m not sure I can. Also remember, don’t ride the clutch, and don’t let it slip between gear shifts.
Jughead: You’re an enigma, Cooper.” Season 2, Episode 6 “Chapter Nineteen: Death Proof“
“Archie: When I’m with Veronica, as dark as things get and they’ve been getting pretty dark, she makes me feel like everything is gonna be fine. She makes things fun. I don’t wanna lose that.” Season 2, Episode 8 “Chapter Twenty-One: House of the Devil”
“Archie: Veronica, I love you. And there’s nothing you could ever say that would change that. Or make me regret being with you. Or scare me away. You don’t have to protect me from this, any of it. I love you, Ronnie. I’m with you.” Season 2, Episode 12 “Chapter Twenty-Five: The Wicked and the Divine”
“Jughead: Betty… I’m happy to hear your voice.
Betty: Me, too, Jug. You have no idea.
Jughead: I just want to let you know that I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.” Season 2, Episode 21 “Chapter Thirty-Four: Judgment Night”
“Betty: Come back to me, Jug. We’re not done yet, do you hear me? Our story’s not over. It’s just beginning. So you come back to me. Okay?” Season 2, Episode 22 “Chapter Twenty-Two: Silent Night, Deadly Night”
“Archie: Ronnie, when I first met you… you were it for me. Everything I could have ever wanted. I saw our whole future.
Veronica: Because we’re endgame, Archie.
Archie: I hope you know how much I love you.” Season 3, Episode 6 “Chapter Forty-One: Manhunter”
“Evelyn: Toni, you’re detracting Cheryl from her studies at the Farm, but I’m not gonna let you ruin her.
Toni: “Ruin her”? Bitch, I love her. And she loves me.” Season 3, Episode 17 “Chapter Fifty-Two: The Raid”
“Betty: Jug… Will you go to prom with me?
Jughead: Only for you, Betty Cooper.” Season 3, Episode 20 “Chapter Fifty-Five: Prom Night”
“Veronica: The night of the fight, nothing happened with Reggie after you showed up at the Pembrooke. My heart ached for you… because I felt the same way. I love you, Archiekins. For whatever good that does us now.” Season 3, Episode 22 “Chapter Fifty-Seven: Survive the Night”
“Archie: Ronnie… when will you learn? You are, now and forever, the only girl for me.” Season 4, Episode 15 “Chapter Seventy-Two: To Die For”
Times Riverdale Gave Legit Good Advice
In between all the teenage drama, murder mysteries, illicit alcohol brewing, etc., there were some little gems here and there where Riverdale provided actual good advice. Here are some of our favourites… just ignore that 90% of them came from Fred.
“Fred: Some advice, man-to-man? The decisions that you’re making now, son — they have consequences, they go on to form who you are and who you’ll become. Whatever you decide, be confident enough in it. That you don’t have to lie.” Season 1, Episode 1 “Chapter One: The River’s Edge”
“Mel: Relax. Josie, it’s a Variety Show in the auditorium, not show time at the Apollo.
Josie: Whether you are performing at Madison Square Garden or Ace Bowling Alley,you do it at 150%.” Season 1, Episode 6 “Chapter Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!”
“Hiram: You see, boyfriends, they come and they go. But fathers… Fathers are forever” Season 2, Episode 11 “Chapter Twenty-Four: The Wrestler”
“Archie: I don’t know how to do this. To just pretend like everything’s the same as it was before.
Fred: It’s gonna take you a minute to pick up the pieces. But listen… Let’s take it slow. How did you get through juvie? All that time alone in the wilderness, on the run?
Archie: I fought. Every day. I didn’t stop fighting. I fought for my life.
Fred: Well, you’ll just have to keep fighting.” Season 3, Episode 10 “Chapter Forty-Five: The Stranger”
“Betty: I admire I’ve been struggling with what I wanted to say today. High school is supposed to be this amazing, safe time but our years were coopted with heartache and drama… and even death. And it’s not fair that so many of our classmates aren’t here to walk with us today. And it’s not right that some of our parents aren’t here to watch those of us who are. Those younger than us have known no Riverdale other than the one steeped in violence. Our class is lucky enough to remember a time before the era of tragedy. When this was just a small, sleepy, slightly boring town. That’s the Riverdale I wish upon the generation coming up behind us. And the one I want us, our class to remember as we head into the future. So please, stay young for as long as you can. Stay innocent for as long as possible even if it’s only for one more moment.” Season 5, Episode 3, “Chapter 79: Graduation”
The Broodiest “Deep” Quotes from Riverdale
From Jughead’s narration to individual character ‘speeches’, there were definitely some times that Riverdale was dramatic AF. Here are some Riverdale Quotes that prove exactly that.
“Jughead: Here’s the thing about fear. It’s always there. Fear of the unknown, fear of facing it alone… Fear that those closest to you are the monsters. Fear that as soon as you slay one, there’s another monster waiting to take its place.” Season 1, Episode 6 “Chapter Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!”
“To me, I don’t think the question is, “Whodunnit?” I think the real question is whether Riverdale is a place of good or a place of darkness and evil. Or both. Most things are both.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Chic: Love is finite. People run out of it eventually. They stop loving you or they start loving someone else. One day, the sun is shining down on you, and the next, you’re alone. And it’s cold. And dark.” Season 2, Episode 15 “Chapter Twenty-Eight: There Will Be Blood”
“Laurie: Sometimes, when you’re trying to survive, t’s easy to lose sight of who you are.” Season 3, Episode 7 “Chapter Forty-Two: The Man in Black”
“Betty: Maybe not every murderer is guilty and maybe not every victim is innocent. Maybe it’s not all black and white.” Season 3, Episode 11 “Chapter Forty-Six: The Red Dahlia”
“Perhaps in Riverdale, the best you could hope for wasn’t to win, but to draw and pray not to lose.” Season 3, Episode 11 “Chapter Forty-Six: The Red Dahlia”
“Archie: I know I’m angry, Ms. Burble. I’m not an idiot. Look at all the crappy things that have happened to me, to my friends, to my dad. They make me angry. You… talking to me like I’m a moron, that makes me angry.
Ms. Burble: Understandably.
Archie: And it hurts. I hurt… all the time. And all I wanna do is make sure no one else does.“ Season 4, Episode 8 “Chapter Sixty-Five: In Treatment”
Heartwarming and Wholesome Riverdale Lines
In between all the drama, there were some truly heartwarming and wholesome lines to enjoy in Riverdale. Here are some of our favourites.
“Archie: Betty and I have been next-door neighbors since we were four. We’ve always gone to the same school, been in the same class. I remember in the second grade, I was having trouble reading, and my teacher, Mrs. Gribrock, told my mom and dad that I should stay back a year, to get caught up. Betty was so against us not being in the same grade that she took it upon herself to tutor me every single day….
Anyway, when I passed, thanks to Betty, I kissed her and I asked her to marry me. She was like, “Oh, little Archie, we’re too young.” “Ask me when we’re 18 and I’ll say yes.” Season 1, Episode 2 “Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil”
“Archie: Dad, I was thinking, what if I have a kid someday, and what if that kid hates music, doesn’t want anything to do with it, and says, instead… [EXHALES] ‘Nah, I wanna build houses and buildings like Grandpa.’ I think that would be pretty friggin’ cool, Dad. That would be something. This is your legacy, which makes it mine, too.” Season 1, Episode 8 “Chapter Eight: The Outsiders”
“Archie: You know, I had this stupid idea. That after graduation, instead of going to college, we’d both move to New York. You were this writer. And I’d be this musician, we’d both live in, like, the East Village or something. Just doing our thing.
Jughead: Pretty sure the East Village doesn’t exist anymore. Where are Betty and Veronica in this scenario?
Archie: They’re roommates on Park Avenue.” Season 2, Episode 7 “Chapter Twenty: Tales from the Darkside”
“Jughead [to FP]: I’m proud to be your son. I’m proud to share your name. And I am proud to be part of your amazing story.” Season 3, Episode 15 “Chapter Fifty: American Dreams”
“Earlier, I was thinking… on the drive over here… how much of Riverdale my dad built. Or just fixed up. Houses, office buildings A bit of everything. He helped build this town. And one day, if I’m lucky enough to have a son or a daughter of my own… I’ll be able to point to a building… or even just a brick in a building and say: ;Your grandpa made that… with his hands.’ “Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
“When things started getting bad with my dad and drinking, my mom would call up Fred… for help. And he would drive to the bar, and he would pick up my dad and he’d lay him on the couch. But he’d always stay a little while. Just to talk to me. To see how I was doing in school and… if I had eaten dinner. He just wanted to know if I was hungry. I always was.” Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
“How do you sum up the life of a man like Fred Andrews? You could start with the facts. That he was born at Riverdale General Hospital. That his parents were Arthur and Virginia Andrews. That he led the Riverdale High baseball team to two consecutive state championships. Took over the family business at 18, got married, had a son, settled down.
And while others were rushing to get out of Riverdale, Fred was setting down roots. When our town saw a pariah and closed its doors, Fred saw a lost soul and opened his.
There was always room at his table, in his home, for others. Whenever our town was under attack, Fred was on the front line, fighting for it, defending it. He was our Good Samaritan, our George Bailey, our knight in flannel armor.
And by the way, he was a hell of a good tipper.
Fred left Riverdale better than when he found it.
That’s his legacy.” Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
“My dad was there for every high and every low. He’s the greatest man I’ve ever known. It hurts me that I never got to say goodbye… that I won’t get to see him again or talk to him… but his spirit and his memory lives on in this town and in everyone he’s met. Fred Andrews will always be a part of Riverdale.” Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
“[To Archie] Nobody would stop, but your dad did. He talked about you the entire time. His… His son. How… he couldn’t believe a man like him was blessed with such a thoughtful, kind boy.” Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
“Jughead: Betty, Veronica, and I spent as much time as we could with Archie. We had dinner at Pop’s every night. And every day you could tell he was getting better and better. I’m not saying he wasn’t still heartbroken, the entire town was, but my pal Archie’s a fighter.” Season 4, Episode 2 “Chapter Fifty-Nine: Fast Times at Riverdale High”
“Veronica: At the risk of overstepping, Mrs. Andrews, I’m not investing in a building, I’m investing in your son. I believe in Archie, and… he makes me want to believe in myself. And I need that right now. Tear the check up if you want. But I really hope you don’t.“ Season 4, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixty: Dog Day Afternoon”
“My dad was a decent, good guy. He worked hard. He loved me. He loved his life. I believe he slept peacefully at night, you know? Unless I was out doing some dumbass thing. Some days he won, and some days he lost. But, usually, it was a draw, and that was enough for him. He was just a… He was a simple man with honor. Maybe that’s what’s next for me.” Season 4, Episode 12 “Chapter Sixty-Nine: Men of Honor”
“Alice: And if I may speak for the grown-ups…
Alice: We’re just so very, very proud of you and the thoughtful, intelligent young adults you’ve become.
Mary: You kids have been through a lot, much more than we did when we were at Riverdale High.
Hermione: And we may not say it enough, but you mean the world to us.
Hiram: And although it may not always seem like it, we have your best interests at heart.
Keller: You worked hard. You deserve to celebrate.
FP: My boy’s gonna be the first Jones man to go to college!” Season 4, Episode 19 “Chapter Seventy-Six: Killing Mr. Honey”
The Best Riverdale Pop Culture References and Homages
“Cheryl: So, what are you three hens gossiping about? Archie’s Efron-esque emergence from the chrysalis of puberty?” Season 1, Episode 1 “Chapter One: The River’s Edge”
“Veronica: Guys, can’t we just liberate ourselves from the tired dichotomy of jock/artist? Can’t we in this post-James Franco world be all things, at once?” Season 1, Episode 1 “Chapter One: The River’s Edge”
“Veronica: Did I just notice Riverdale High’s very own Holden Caulfield put his arm around you?” Season 1, Episode 7 “Chapter Seven: In a Lonely Place”
“Jughead: Archie, as my blood-brother, it was your sole responsibility to ensure that something like this never happened on my birthday. And now we’re here. In the middle of a Seth Rogen movie.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Archie: You’re too late, Jughead.
Jughead: Well, you try Mad Max-ing your way through a riot.” Season 2, Episode 21 “Chapter Thirty-Four: Judgment Night”
“Veronica: Guys. Archie just lived through The Revenant. Let him order what he wants.” Season 3, Episode 10 “Chapter Forty-Five: The Stranger”
Other Riverdale Quotes That Are Just…. Quintessentially Riverdale
Have you ever tried explaining Riverdale to your friends and realize (while saying everything out loud) just how wildly absurd the show can sometimes be? Well, in honour of the wonderful ridiculousness that is the Riverdale world, here are some of the best quotes that are just SO Riverdale, it hurts.
“Kevin: Any other year, you’d be trending Number One, for sure. This year, though, it’s all about Cheryl trying to win the Best Supporting Psycho Oscar for her role as Riverdale’s bereaved Red Widow. – Season 1, Episode 1 “Chapter One: The River’s Edge”
“Cheryl: Riddle me this, hair models of the damned, why is Veronica’s mother having a clandestine tete-a-tete with a Southside Serpent behind a dumpster at Pop’s?” Season 1, Episode 4 “Chapter Four: The Last Picture Show”
“Cheryl: Sorry to interrupt Sad Breakfast Club, but I’m here to formally invite you to Jason’s memorial at Thornhill this weekend.” Season 1, Episode 5 “Chapter Five: Heart of Darkness”
“Archie: Veronica, I didn’t know you could sing.
Veronica: Like a nightingale. What do you say, Archiekins? Be the Jay to my Bey?” Season 1, Episode 6 “Chapter Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!”
“So, Ginger texted me while I was in the ladies’ room. It seems that crazy bitch, Polly Cooper, escaped from some looney bin, the same night Jason’s car was torched. So let me do the math for you. Polly escaping plus Polly torching Jason’s car equals she’s Jason’s killer. Covering her tracks, trying to go underground, like the vicious, cold-hearted murdering mean girl that she is. Oh, and I just tweeted this out to all of my minions, so the pressure’s on, Sheriff Keller.” Season 1, Episode 7 “Chapter Seven: In a Lonely Place”
“Jughead: In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in, and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“There are certain things no one does better than Veronica Lodge. Makeovers, party planning, dance-offs, dropping vintage bon mots as if they were bonbons.” Season 1, Episode 12 “Chapter Twelve: Anatomy of a Murder”
“Betty: I know everyone grieves differently, but Cheryl’s hosting a pep rally to cope with her loss. That’s either brilliant, or psychotic, or both.” Season 1, Episode 2 “Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil”
“Jughead: You and me, for example. I’m your best guy-friend. Betty is your best girl-friend. Your best friends are dating. But B and V are also best friends, so, your best friend’s girlfriend isalso your girlfriend’s best friend. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?
Archie: Uh, no. Not really.
Jughead: It should be amazing we’re all so close. But sometimes it terrifies me.” Season 2, Episode 14, “Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Hills Have Eyes”
“Betty: What do we do now that Cheryl’s gone full Poison Ivy?
Jughead: Blackmail, extortion. If they weren’t literally an orphan and a widow, I would do it” Season 2, Episode 2 “Chapter Fifteen: Nighthawks”
“Veronica: B? As the Thelma to my Louise, I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. Will you be my running mate?
Betty: Of course, V. I’d be honored.
Veronica: Amaze! B and V! Now, that’s a team you can believe in.” Season 2, Episode 16 “Chapter Twenty-Nine: Primary Colors
“Word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance has seeped into the demimonde of mobsters and molls my father used to associate with, so the five families are sending their youngest and brightest, their “princes,” as it were, to, well, come court the rare Mafia Princess” Season 2, Episode 20 “Chapter Thirty-Three: Shadow of a Doubt”
Alice: Edgar says that…
Betty: What, Mom? What does some guru who’s running a Heaven’s Gate commune for pregnant runaways and wives-of-serial-killers have to say about my diaries?” Season 3, Episode 1 “Chapter Thirty-Six: Labor Day”
“Betty: Oolong milk and wanting to burn my diaries is helping you get over the fact that Dad murdered four people and tried to kill us? If you genuinely believe that, you are in denial, Mom.” Season 3, Episode 1 “Chapter Thirty-Six: Labor Day”
“Jughead: You’re the Gargoyle King, Hiram.
Hiram: I’m not a 16-year-old nerd playing games to live out my overactive hormonal fantasies. I’m not the Gargoyle King, because you know what? That’s not a real thing. Nor am I the murderer that you and Betty Cooper are looking for. But if homicidal parents are what you’re after, may I suggest Clifford Blossom? Hal Cooper? Tom Keller?” Season 3, Episode 6 “Chapter Forty-One: Manhunter”
“Archie: Hey, Reg, you busy?
Reggie: Nah, just swiping on Bumble, praying the future Mrs. Mantle is within a 30-mile radius. The truth is, love doesn’t come easily for me these days. [cell phone vibrating] Or does it?” Season 3, Episode 10 “Chapter Forty-Five: The Stranger”
“Veronica: Tonight, we’re going to break into the prison, find the drugs and destroy them, and the equipment, before my mom sells everything.
Reggie: Sounds a lot like the plot of Bad Boys II. I’m in, Ronnie.” Season 3, Episode 11 “Chapter Forty-Six: The Red Dahlia”
“Jughead: When did our lives go from worrying about who was going to sit next to us on the bus to drug lord mothers?
Betty: And serial killer fathers. And unstoppable cults.” Season 3, Episode 16 “Chapter Fifty-One: Big Fun”
“Veronica: How are we looking?
Reggie: Really, really illegal.
Veronica: In case I haven’t said it. Thank you for doing this, Reggie.
Reggie: How are you holding up?
Veronica: By a gossamer thread. However, it’s vital we keep up appearances. Speaking of, it’s showtime.” Season 3, Episode 21 “Chapter Fifty-Six: The Dark Secret of Harvest House”
“Veronica: Can we explore the craziness that is Oedipus Riverdale after we get the antidote and out of these damn woods?” Season 3, Episode 22 “Chapter Fifty-Seven: Survive the Night”
“And if anyone is scared of bears, well, don’t be, because Archie’s been attacked, like, what, multiple times and still survived?” Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
“Kevin: I am… so sorry for the way I treated you while I was under Edgar’s spell.
Betty: Oh, you mean like when you dragged me by my ankles to get a lobotomy?” Season 4, Episode 2 “Chapter Fifty-Nine: Fast Times at Riverdale High”
“Betty: You know, I wish that I could say tonight’s been particularly insane because it’s Halloween, but no, this is actually fairly typical.” Season 4, Episode 4 “Chapter Sixty-One: Halloween”
“Hiram: Well, now that the prison is bringing in a good income, I’d like to return to my true passion.
Veronica: Extortion? Murder?
Hermosa: Rum. Papi’s passion is rum.” Season 4, Episode 6 “Chapter Forty-One: Manhunter”
“Mary: Archie… yesterday was without a doubt the strangest Thanksgiving I’ve ever had. I mean, I pointed a gun at a woman.
Archie: Welcome to Riverdale, Mom.” Season 4, Episode 7 “Chapter Sixty-Four: The Ice Storm”
“Betty: Oh, oh, so you joining a cult, that was in my best interest? Not mentioning to me that you weren’t actually brainwashed the whole time, you were just undercover with the FBI, working with my long-lost half-brother who I thought was dead, that was in my best interest?
Alice: You’re a child. I was protecting you.
Betty: Then explain how giving away my college fund to the Farm was part of that.
Alice: That was before, when I was under the influence of Edgar.
Betty: How about when you didn’t tell me that I had the serial killer genes? Or when you had Polly committed to The Sisters of Quiet Mercy, and didn’t tell me where she was? Or when you had me dragged off to that evil-nun-hell-hole? Because she did, Mrs. Burble, where they force-fed me drugs against my will. But, hey, but, hey. You know, at least they were Fizzle Rocks, and not birth-control because God forbid!” Season 4, Episode 8 “Chapter Sixty-Five: In Treatment”
“Mrs. Burble: While we wait, why don’t we just have a little chat?
Jughead: Uh… no. I have a hard Holden-Caulfield stance on phony small-talk. Thanks.
Mrs. Burble: Do you often use fictional references to make sense of your situation?
Jughead: Yes. Yes, I do.” Season 4, Episode 8 “Chapter Sixty-Five: In Treatment”
“Need I remind you and the sorry lot of yams you call educators, that I have suffered numerous family deaths. My mother disappeared, I am raising twin toddlers, and I am the sole caregiver for my Nana.” Season 4, Episode 8 “Chapter Sixty-Five: In Treatment”
“Veronica: You’ve got to be kidding me. Cheryl, she’s a killer.
Cheryl: So was Betty’s father. So was your father.
Veronica: True.” Season 4, Episode 11 “Chapter Sixty-Eight: Quiz Show”
“So you threw a live grenade into my relationship, so you could win a trivia contest?” Season 4, Episode 11 “Chapter Sixty-Eight: Quiz Show”
“Betty: Even by our standards, this was a pretty crazy week.
Jughead: Well, pretending to be dead is one thing, but hiding under a cot in this sex bunker of death… while you make out with Archie just to convince a bunch of evil preppies that I did die? Yeah, definitely cracks the top-10 craziest things.” Season 4, Episode 15 “Chapter Seventy-Two: To Die For”
“Cheryl: So, Jughead Jones back from the dead. Color me completely not surprised.
Jughead: You’re not?
Cheryl: No one ever really dies in Riverdale, do they?” Season 4, Episode 16 “Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room”
“Lynchian. Adjective to describe something inspired by the noted American filmmaker, David Lynch. And/or to describe something that is both incredibly macabre and incredibly mundane. Also, Riverdale’s status quo” Season 4, Episode 18 “Chapter Seventy-Five: Lynchian”
“Archie: All right, you know what? Screw Mr. Honey. He sucks.
Veronica: That’s right, Archiekins. I mean, who doctors up fake evidence just to cancel prom? And takes away a school’s yearbook? And censors a variety show?” Season 4, Episode 19 “Chapter Seventy-Six: Killing Mr. Honey”
“Betty: Okay I know this is Riverdale, but where do we get a snuff film in which someone gets murdered on screen? I mean those are just urban legends I thought.
Jughead: Well not according to Nicholas cage movies. I mean we could make one…” Season 5, Episode 1, “Chapter Seventy-Seven: Climax”
“Betty: How are you?
Weatherbee: I make it through most nights without waking up screaming.” Season 5, Episode 1, “Chapter Seventy-Seven: Climax”
Betty: I caught serial killers in high school, Dr Sterling .
Dr Sterling: Not one like the trash bag killer.
Betty: you’d be surprised. Season 5, Episode 4, “Chapter Eighty: Purgatorio”
“Cheryl: Here ye, here ye, fellow friends and fiends. Now that everyone is swan-diving into sad adulthood, with babies and marriages and arthritis, etc…
I’m throwing a party. One last hurrah to celebrate our wild, misspent youth. One final chance to recall our reckless teenage selves. I mean who could forget my iconic spin the bottle parties of yore?” Season 5, Episode 8 “Chapter Eighty Four: Lock & Key”
Did We Miss Any of Your Favourite Riverdale Quotes?
Let us know in the comments! And if you’re sill looking for fun memories from the show, here are some other quote roundups you might enjoy!
All our BEST Riverdale posts:
- General Riverdale quote roundup (ft. 100+ of the best quotes!)
- Riverdale Filming Locations Guide
- Best lines from Cheryl Blossom
- Best lines from Veronica Lodge
- Best lines from Jughead Jones
- Best lines from Kevin Keller
- Best Bughead moments and quotes
- Best Varchie moments and quotes
- Best Choni moments and quotes
- Best Barchie moments and quotes
- Best moments from B&V