Love him, hate him, or think he’s “a weirdo”, you have to admit that Jughead Jones (played by Cole Sprouse) might just be the most quotable character in the Riverdale universe…. apart from Cheryl Bombshell, that is.
With his role as narrator, writer, and serial pop culture referencer, it’s little surprise that there are tons of iconic Jughead lines that will forever haunt the Riverdale fandom.
So, in this article, we’ll be summing up some of our favourite Jughead Jones quotes from Riverdale, from the hilariously self-aware and humorous, to the deeper and more poignant. Enjoy!
PS: Be sure to click here to see our full Riverdale quotes roundup too!
Iconic Jughead Quotes That Are Wonderfully Self-Aware
We’ll start with a set of Jughead quotes that show that he knows exactly what he’s about. One of the best things about Jughead is how comfortable he is with who he is, and most importantly, who he’s not. These iconic quotes are some of his character’s most memorable.
“I’m not normal, I’m not wired to be normal.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in, and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Actually, I’m gonna sit alone. Just, you know, finish my book and brood.” Season 2, Episode 20 “Chapter Thirty-Three: Shadow of a Doubt”
“Betty, I have to try and at least maintain a semblance of being a student here.” Season 2, Episode 4 “Chapter Seventeen: The Town That Dreaded Sundown”
“Mrs. Burble: While we wait, why don’t we
just have a little chat?
Jughead: Uh… no. I have a hard Holden-Caulfield stance on phony small-talk. Thanks.
Mrs. Burble: Do you often use fictional references to make sense of your situation?
Jughead: Yes. Yes, I do.” Season 4, Episode 8 “Chapter Sixty-Five: In Treatment”
The Best “Deep” Jughead Quotes & Voiceover Moments
Since he IS Riverdale’s resident narrator, Jughead has the luxury of diving deeper into topics and from time to time, he really nails it with his ‘deep’ commentary. Here are some examples of Jughead’s best narrator lines.
“Here’s the thing about fear. It’s always there. Fear of the unknown, fear of facing it alone… Fear that those closest to you are the monsters. Fear that as soon as you slay one, there’s another monster waiting to take its place.” Season 1, Episode 6 “Chapter Six: Faster, Pussycats! Kill! Kill!”
“To me, I don’t think the question is, “Whodunnit?” I think the real question is whether Riverdale is a place of good or a place of darkness and evil. Or both. Most things are both.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Those kids in the fairy tales who go into the woods… they don’t come back the same. They’re always changed in some fundamental way. Sometimes for the better. More often for the worse. That’s the common misconception about fairy tales. They very rarely… have a happy ending.” Season 2, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixteen: The Watcher in the Woods
“Perhaps in Riverdale, the best you could hope for wasn’t to win, but to draw and pray not to lose.” Season 3, Episode 11 “Chapter Forty-Six: The Red Dahlia”
Jughead Quotes that Show His Soft Side
Of course, Juggy isn’t all stone-cold “weirdo”. As one half of Bughead, he also does show his soft side from time to time, and reveals himself to be a truly good dude. Here are some of our favourite Jughead lines that show this softer side to his personality.
“Your family is definitely splintering right now, but it won’t fall apart, because of you. Because you’re holding them together. You’re so much stronger than all of the white noise. You’re stronger than your mother, you’re stronger than your father. You’re holding this family together. So don’t. Don’t let go.“ Season 1, Episode 9 “Chapter Nine: La Grande Illusion”
“I’m proud to be your son. I’m proud to share your name. And I am proud to be part of your amazing story.” Season 3, Episode 15 “Chapter Fifty: American Dreams”
“When things started getting bad with my dad and drinking, my mom would call up Fred… for help. And he would drive to the bar, and he would pick up my dad and he’d lay him on the couch. But he’d always stay a little while. Just to talk to me. To see how I was doing in school and… if I had eaten dinner. He just wanted to know if I was hungry. I always was.” Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
“How do you sum up the life of a man like Fred Andrews? You could start with the facts. That he was born at Riverdale General Hospital. That his parents were Arthur and Virginia Andrews. That he led the Riverdale High baseball team to two consecutive state championships. Took over the family business at 18, got married, had a son, settled down.
And while others were rushing to get out of Riverdale, Fred was setting down roots. When our town saw a pariah and closed its doors, Fred saw a lost soul and opened his.
There was always room at his table, in his home, for others. Whenever our town was under attack, Fred was on the front line, fighting for it, defending it. He was our Good Samaritan, our George Bailey, our knight in flannel armor.
And by the way, he was a hell of a good tipper.
Fred left Riverdale better than when he found it.
That’s his legacy.” Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
Jughead Lines that Showcase His Signature Humour
Of course, one of Jughead’s best characteristics is his dry sense of humour. Here are some of Jughead’s funniest lines.
“Do you think I could use Jason Blossom’s death as an excuse to get out of PE?” Season 1, Episode 2 “Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil”
“Jughead: We’re not gonna hug in front of this whole town. So why don’t we just both do that bro thing where we nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions.” Season 1, Episode 2 “Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil”
“Jughead: You told her about my birthday? Dude, come on. That’s a primal betrayal.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“FP: Happy to be here, celebrating with my son. Didn’t realize you had so many friends.
Jughead: I don’t.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Stranger things have happened, man. Like for instance, my dad shaved. Which is the equivalent of tectonic plates shifting.” Season 1, Episode 11 “Chapter Eleven: To Riverdale and Back Again”
“No, dude, are you kidding me? You saved your dad’s life. First Cheryl, and now your dad. If you keep this up, you’re gonna need a superhero name. Like Pureheart the Powerful.” Season 2, Episode 1 “Chapter Fourteen: A Kiss Before Dying”
“Well, then cue the dueling banjos. What? It’ll be a good chance for me to work on my novel.” Season 2, Episode 14, “Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Hills Have Eyes”
“Gladys: Ugh, you’re not a vegetarian now, are you?
Jughead: You wound me, Mother.” Season 3, Episode 8 “Chapter Forty-Three: Outbreak”
“One good thing about being your neighbor is I got two kitchens to raid for grub now.” Season 3, Episode 17 “Chapter Fifty-Two: The Raid”
“And if anyone is scared of bears, well, don’t be, because Archie’s been attacked, like, what, multiple times and still survived?” Season 4, Episode 1 “Chapter Fifty-Eight: In Memoriam”
“So this is what one-percenters do for fun.” Season 4, Episode 5 “Chapter Forty: The Great Escape”
“Well if you promise to never bring up the epic highs and lows of high school football again, I can ask Tabitha if she’s willing to sponsor the team from Pop’s.” Season 5, Episode 6, “Chapter Eighty-Two: Back to School”
“Dude, I just interviewed a guy who wants to be abducted by moth men aliens. I think weird is relative. I say go for it. Embrace the weird.” Season 5, Episode 6, “Chapter Eighty-Two: Back to School”
Savage & Witty Jughead Jones Comebacks
“Reggie: What was it like, suicide squad? When you killed Jason? You didn’t do stuff to the body like… after?
Jughead: It’s called necrophilia, Reggie… Can you spell it?” Season 1, Episode 2 “Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil”
“Archie: I already talked to Valerie, and she’s cool with it.
Jughead: Cool with you being a gigolo now?” Season 1, Episode 9 “Chapter Nine: La Grande Illusion”
“I’m Game Master, which means it’s my game and my rules. You guys wanna go on a quest? You want to prove you’re bad-asses? You’re gonna get a chance. But not until I say so. Don’t defy me again.” Season 3, Episode 5 “Chapter Forty: The Great Escape”
“You’re right. I wasn’t born in rarified air. I didn’t grow up with any silver spoons. But my dad had the strength to turn his life around and become a sheriff. And I have friends, and family that actually care for me. Can you even say the same? So why don’t you try writing a compelling drama, instead of starting it?” Season 4, Episode 3 “Chapter Sixty: Dog Day Afternoon”
“Brett: It’s Jughead! He’s the murderer.
Jughead: Yeah. Because I just killed you.
Brett: No, I knew it was him beforehand, I win.
Jughead: I’m sorry, Bret, I can’t hear you. Because you’re dead.” Season 4, Episode 5 “Chapter Forty: The Great Escape”
“You’re a terrible writer, Bret. So, no, I’m not going to accept your terms. This is a duel about honor. And when you lose, it’s going to be because I’m a better writer. I’m a better competitor. And I’m a better man.” Season 4, Episode 12 “Chapter Sixty-Nine: Men of Honor”
“Oh, you Einsteins. All you had to do was hit me in the back
of the head hard enough with a rock. You failed spectacularly.” Season 4, Episode 16 “Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room”
“Jughead: Hey, what’s that oft-used Mark Twain quote? ‘Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.’
Joan: What is happening right now?
Betty: It is called ‘getting your comeuppance’, Joan.
Jughead: You guys are reading Crime and Punishment, huh? How apropos. You know, the one kind of crime story that we never really touched upon in this seminar was the time-tested genre of a locked room mystery. Where all the suspects are sequestered in a room. One or more of them could be the killer, but the door is not unlocked until the identity is revealed. Betty, could you do the honor?
Betty: The next bell doesn’t ring for half an hour. So for the next 30 minutes, your asses belong to us.” Season 4, Episode 16 “Chapter Seventy-Three: The Locked Room”
“So you threw a live grenade into my relationship, so you could win a trivia contest?” Season 4, Episode 11 “Chapter Sixty-Eight: Quiz Show”
“Jughead: I don’t need a support group. If I am repressing something, I think I’d prefer to keep it repressed… you know?” Season 5, Episode 8 “Chapter Eighty Four: Lock & Key”
Jughead Jones’ Best Pop Culture References
As we mentioned before, Jughead loves a good reference. It’s one of the most consistent parts of his character, and you often get a sense that he feels detached from reality (or, as his lil therapy session pointed out), he uses pop culture to make sense of the world. Here are some of Jughead’s best references:
“Look, it’s the rich kids from the Goonies. All right. I’m out.” Season 1, Episode 2 “Chapter Two: A Touch of Evil”
“Jughead: Archie, as my blood-brother, it was your sole responsibility to ensure that something like this never happened on my birthday. And now we’re here. In the middle of a Seth Rogen movie.” Season 1, Episode 10 “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”
“Jughead: It’s for my dad. He’s facing 20 years of that weird meat loaf that they serve prisoners. So, barring an 11th-hour miracle, I was… hoping, for his last meal in Riverdale, that you could make his favorite.
Pop: Fried chicken, corn bread, onion rings and orange freeze, if memory serves.
Jughead: That’s very Rain Man of you, Pop.” Season 2, Episode 22 “Chapter Twenty-Two: Silent Night, Deadly Night”
“Norman Bates made it look so easy.” Season 2, Episode 13 “Chapter Twenty-Six: The Tell-Tale Heart”
“God! Hiram is like Dracula. Snapping up properties from all over Riverdale to expand his empire and feed.” Season 2, Episode 15 “Chapter Twenty-Eight: There Will Be Blood”
“Archie: You’re too late, Jughead.
Jughead: Well, you try Mad Max-ing your way through a riot.” Season 2, Episode 21 “Chapter Thirty-Four: Judgment Night”
“Jughead: What if you don’t like what I find?
Veronica: I’m a big girl, I can take it.
Jughead: Well, then, consider me your Philip Marlowe. I didn’t mind playing detective, especially for this price,” Season 3, Episode 11 “Chapter Forty-Six: The Red Dahlia“
“So, we’re really doing this? Moving to the Northside, into the Cooper house? It’s like a Norman Rockwell painting with leather jackets.“ Season 3, Episode 15 “Chapter Fifty: American Dreams”
“Lynchian. Adjective to describe something inspired by the noted American filmmaker, David Lynch. And/or to describe something that is both incredibly macabre and incredibly mundane. Also, Riverdale’s status quo” Season 4, Episode 18 “Chapter Seventy-Five: Lynchian”
“Why does every one of our dances turn into a Jamie Lee Curtis movie?” Season 5, Episode 1, “Chapter Seventy-Seven: Climax”
“Well on behalf of Lenny, George and myself, goodnight sweet prince.” Season 5, Episode 6, “Chapter Eighty-Two: Back to School”
The Best Quotes About Jughead
Last but not least, sometimes the other characters in Riverdale completely nail it when it comes to describing Jughead and capturing the essence of his character. Here are some of the best quotes about our beloved Jughead Jones:
“FP: Hey, Jughead’s a tough kid. Scrappy. A survivor. He’ll make it. Especially if you’re looking after him. And he’ll try to pull away from you, he’ll try to disappear into himself. He needs his friends. That’s why you and Betty, you gotta stick with him. No matter what.” Season 1, Episode 13 “Chapter Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter”
“Betty: Jughead Jones is Riverdale, the very soul of Riverdale. Without him, we may not have ever found out what happened to Jason. And yet how do we thank him? By banishing him.” Season 1, Episode 13 “Chapter Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter”
“Veronica: Wait, what? Jughead Jones said “I love you”? Mr. “I’m weird, I’m a weirdo”?” Season 2, Episode 1 “Chapter Fourteen: A Kiss Before Dying”
“Betty: Hey. It’s not like Jughead Jones to neglect a free buffet. You okay?” Season 2, Episode 12 “Chapter Twenty-Five: The Wicked and the Divine”
“Archie: Jughead loves a political crusade almost as much as he does a burger.” Season 2, Episode 16 “Chapter Twenty-Nine: Primary Colors”
“Veronica: Bon appetit, champ. You’re making up
for lost calories.
Archie: Ronnie, I feel like Jughead.
Veronica: That’s the idea, Archie.” Season 3, Episode 17 “Chapter Fifty-Two: The Raid”
Did We Miss Any of Your Favourite Jughead Jones Quotes?
Let us know in the comments below! And feel free to browse these lists for more Riverdale quote inspo…
All our BEST Riverdale posts:
- General Riverdale quote roundup (ft. 100+ of the best quotes!)
- Riverdale Filming Locations Guide
- Best lines from Cheryl Blossom
- Best lines from Veronica Lodge
- Best lines from Jughead Jones
- Best lines from Kevin Keller
- Best Bughead moments and quotes
- Best Varchie moments and quotes
- Best Choni moments and quotes
- Best Barchie moments and quotes
- Best moments from B&V