The 90+ Best Ross Geller Quotes, Lines & Sayings from Friends

*FYI - this post may affiliate links, which means we earn a commission (at no extra cost to you) if you purchase from them. Also, as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. For the full scoop on what this means, feel free to check out our Privacy Policy and Disclosure.

Whether you love him or hate him, there’s no denying Ross Geller had some very memorable lines on Friends!

The ‘geeky older brother’ of Monica may have been kind of an annoying character at times, but who could forget some of his best shouted or squeaky quotes and hilarious expressions?

David Schwimmer did an excellent job of bringing to life the Jewish palaeontologist with a penchant for learning, as well as being one half of one of the most famous couples on TV: Ross and Rachel!

We’ve rounded up all the best Ross Geller quotes in this post, so you can take a trip down memory lane and have a giggle while being reminded of the best of Ross Geller.


Most Iconic and Well Known Ross Geller Quotes

These quotes probably don’t really even need an introduction, as you can probably tell us the most famous and well-known Ross Geller sayings off the top of your head! But either way, here are his most iconic lines.


“WE WERE ON A BREAK!” Friends, Season Four, Episode 1: “The One with the Jellyfish”

 “Pivot. Pivot. Piv-ot. Piv-ot. PIVOT!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 16: “The One With The Cop”

“You-you-you… you threw my sandwich away? My sandwich? MY SANDWICH?!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 9: “The One With Ross’s Sandwich”

“It tastes like feet.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 9: “The One Where Ross Got High”

“I’m the holiday armadillo!” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 10: “The One With The Holiday Armadillo”

“I’m fine.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Is Fine”

Funniest Ross Geller Quotes

While Chandler may have been known for generally being the funniest and most sarcastic Friends character, Ross certainly had his fair share of funny/sarcastic lines too! These are our favorite funny quotes by Ross.


Ross: I’ll be fine. Really, you guys, I hope she’ll be very happy.
Monica: No, you don’t.
Ross: No, I don’t! To hell with her! She left me!
Joey: You never knew she was a lesbian?
Ross: No! Okay? Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn’t know. How should I know?” Friends, Season One, Episode 1: “The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate”

Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey: How about Tony’s? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it’s free.
Ross: Hey, does anyone know a good place if you’re not dating a puma?” Friends, Season One, Episode 15: “The One With the Stoned Guy”

Ross: How about the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?
Monica: That was you?
Ross: They were infected. He wouldn’t have made it.” Friends, Season Two, Episode 6: “The One with the Baby on the Bus”

Monica: The great thing about the jam plan was I was taking control of my life. So I asked my self, “What is the most important thing to me?” And that’s when I came up with the baby plan.
Ross: Aren’t you forgetting something? What is- What is that guy’s name? Dad.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 3: “The One With the Jam”

Donald: I must say, it’s nice to see you back on your feet.
Ross: Well, I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Donald: I wonder if it’s time for you to rejoin our museum team?
Ross: Oh, Donald, that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I- [looks out the window] What? No! No! What are you doing? Get off my sister!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 14: “The One Where Everybody Finds Out”

Monica: Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. It was right here. Where is it?
Joey: I don’t know.
Monica: All right, well come on, I’m late for work.
Ross: How do you know? You don’t have a watch.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 21: “The One With the Ball”

Monica: Hey, how’d the lecture go?
Ross: It went great. And I didn’t need any jokes or naked chicks either.
Rachel: That’s great. I’m sorry we weren’t supportive before.
Ross: I knew all I had to was let the material speak for itself. Everyone’s all, “Ross, you have to be funny and sexy.” Well, I proved them wrong. And now I’m going to pass the news on to Joey and Chandler.
Monica: That you’re not funny or sexy?
Ross: That’s right.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 4: “The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance”

Ross: [talking about Phoebe] You know what I think? She’s just weird, you know. It’s because she’s a twin. Twins are weird.
Rachel: Ross, she’s not weird. She just likes her stuff to be one-of-a-kind.
Ross: Huh. You know what’s not one-of-a-kind? A twin!” Friends, Season Six, Episode 11: “The One With the Apothecary Table”

Ross: Of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming. That’s not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time. And there’s a concept you should really be familiar with. It’s what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn’t that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it’s a concept.
Phoebe: Yeah, it is. It’s freshwater eel.
Ross: All right, maybe it means that too.
Rachel: Oh, I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.
Ross: Fine, get attacked. I don’t even care.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 17: “The One With Unagi”

Ross: [Jumps out yelling] Danger! Danger! [Phoebe and Rachel scream]
Rachel: What the hell was that?
Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi.
Phoebe: You’re a freak!
Ross: Perhaps. Now, I’m curious. At what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?
Rachel: All right, so we weren’t prepared.
Ross: I’m sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I just want you guys to be safe.
[Monica opens the apartment door to take out the trash]
Ross: Danger! [Monica walks by unfazed] Ah, huh? Unagi.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 17: “The One With Unagi”

Paul: Well, what can I say? This doesn’t make me like you more.
Ross: That’s okay. I’m not so crazy about myself right now either.
Paul: Then we agree?
Ross: I guess so.
Paul: Neither of us like Ross.
Elizabeth: I like Ross.
Ross: Oh. Kids.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 21: “The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth’s Dad”

Joey: Look, Chandler, I told you. Never tell anyone about this dog thing. It’s like Ross not liking ice cream.
Phoebe: You don’t like ice cream?
Ross: It’s too cold!” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 8: “The One Where Chandler Doesn’t Like Dogs”

Mona: How could you have kept all of this from me?
Ross: I was going to tell you, but-
Dr. Green: But what? You figured you’d get what you wanted and then you’d dump her, like you did Rachel.
Ross: Hey, I did not dump Rachel. Nor are we still together. [phone rings] Can l–? Why don’t we just let the machine get that.
Joey: [on the answering machine] “Hey, Ross. It’s Joey. There’s a hooker over here and we thought maybe you’d know something about it.”
Ross: No! No! No! No! I need to lie down.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 8: “The One With the Stripper”

Rachel: Okay. I was thinking if it’s a girl how about Sandrine? It’s French.
Ross: Huh. That’s a really pretty name for an industrial solvent.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 13: “The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath”

Nurse: I’m sorry. Semi-private rooms are all we have.
Rachel: Okay. Just give us a second. Ross?
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Give her some money.
Ross: I really think they’re out of rooms.
Rachel: They’re not, Ross. They’re just saving them for important people. What if I was the president?
Ross: Well, then we’d be in a lot of trouble. You don’t know where any countries are.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 23: “The One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 1)

Ross: Okay. Last night, after the party I saw Rachel kissing that jerk from her office out on your balcony.
Chandler: Our balcony? Seriously? That’s so funny, because I told Monica we should put lights on our balcony and she said, “No, no. It’s too cold. Nobody will go out there.” And I said: “Maybe if we put some lights out there they will.”
Ross: Right, that’s what I came over to talk about. I saw Rachel kissing some guy on your balcony, even though there were no lights!” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 13: “The One Where Monica Sings”

Phoebe: You don’t want to win the lottery?
Ross: Sure I do. I also want to be king of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart.
Chandler: Still on Amelia Earhart?
Ross: The woman just vanished!” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 18: “The One with the Lottery”

Ross: [unpacking his bag] Okay, shoot!
Rachel: Okay, uhm… alright, here’s the deal.
Ross: [gasps] OH NO!
Rachel: What? What is it?
Ross: Oh, major shampoo explosion!
Rachel: Uh, look Ross, this really isn’t easy.
Ross: Oh, it’s all over everything. Why? Why me?
Rachel: Because you took three hundred bottles of shampoo?
Ross: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You were saying?
Rachel: Well, yeah… Okay, look it’s about me and…
Ross: Oh, not another one! Oh my G… And this is moisturiser. It’s even harder to clean! Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 1: “The One After Rachel and Joey Kiss”

“I hope everyone likes Mexican food because I’m making FAJITAS!” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Is Fine”

Rachel: Okay. ‘Cause this is where I wanna be, okay? No more messing around. I don’t wanna mess this up again. Okay, we’re done being stupid.
Rachel: Okay. You and me, all right? This is it.
Ross: This is it. Unless we’re on a break. Don’t make jokes now.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 18: “The Last One (Part Two)”

Best Ross Geller Quotes About Love

The on-again, off-again relationship between Ross and Rachel was one of the defining parts of Friends, so it makes sense that Ross had some excellent lines on the matter of love. Here are the best Ross Geller love lines.


Ross: Okay, you’re going to have to understand you’re with a guy who’s not going to stop planning his future with you because he knows we’re gonna end up together. And if that scares you, tough! Because you’re gonna have to deal with that.
Rachel: I will.
Ross: Good, because I love you.
Rachel: Oh, yeah? Well, I love you too.
Ross: Well, that’s the first time we’ve said that.
Rachel: Yes, it is.
Ross: Well, I’m gonna kiss you.
Rachel: Well, you better.” Friends, Season Two, Episode 20: “The One Where Old Yeller Dies”

Rachel: I broke up with you because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you.
Ross: You still love me?
Rachel: …No.
Ross: You still love me.
Rachel: Yeah, so? You love me.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 25: “The One at the Beach”

Ross: I’ve been thinking. I’m just going to come out and say it, okay? I think I love you.
Emily: Thank you.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 17: “The One With the Free Porn”

Ross: [to Emily] You know what? I never would’ve gotten this if it weren’t for you. When I’m with you, I’m like this whole other guy. I love that guy. I mean, I love you too. A lot. But that guy. I love that guy!” Friends, Season Four, Episode 19: “The One with All the Haste”

Rachel: The thing is, you know, that you’re married to Emily.
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Rachel: Oh, God. Ross, things won’t be weird between us, right? Was that just the stupidest thing? Me telling you that?
Ross: No, no, no. I’m glad you did. Look, if nothing else it’s always great when someone tells you they love you.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 2: “The One with All the Kissing”

“[on Ross’ answering machine] Hey, Ross, it’s you. I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive. So live every day to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? Okay. And also get stamps. Bye.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 20: “The One With The Ride-Along”

Ross: Oh, you know what? Girls don’t like it when I start talking about science.
Chandler: That’s not specific to girls.
Joey: This is great. This is great. What else? What else?
Ross: Oh, they don’t like it when you correct their grammar.
Chandler: And they don’t like it when you explain why your jokes are funny.
Ross: You know, they don’t like it when you keep asking them if they like you.
Chandler: Man, I am so lucky I have Monica.
Ross: I’m never gonna find love again.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 7: “The One Where Phoebe Runs”

Ross: Look, Rach, I’m sorry, okay? I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined-
Will: Cofounded.
Ross: Cofounded. Cofounded the club, was that I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didn’t handle it very well. But if you think about it, the ‘I Hate Rachel Club’ was really the ‘I Love Rachel Club’.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 9: “The One with the Rumor”

Ross: Ah, love. L-O-V-E love. ‘L’ is for life. I mean what is life without love?
Rachel: Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?
Ross: ‘O’ is for OH WOW! ‘V’ is for this very surprising turn of events which I am still fine with by the way. ‘EEE’ is for how extreeemeely normal I find it that you two are together and that one day you might get married… and have children of your own…
Joey: Dude, are you okay?
Ross: Totally!
Rachel: Ross, you don’t seem OK.
Ross: I’m sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Is Fine”

Rachel: What? What? Ross, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?
Ross: Okay, the thing is… Don’t go.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don’t go.
Rachel: Oh, my God.
Ross: I know, I know. I shouldn’t have waited ’till now to say it, but I’m- That was stupid, okay? I’m sorry, but I’m telling you now. I love you. Do not get on this plane.
Gate Attendant: Miss? Are you boarding the plane?
Ross: Hey, hey. I know you love me. I know you do.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 18: “The Last One (Part Two)”

Ross: You got off the plane. [Ross and Rachel kiss]
Rachel: I do love you.
Ross: I love you too, and I am never letting you go again.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 18: “The Last One (Part Two)”

Best Ross Geller Quotes About Dinosaurs

Ross started out working at the Museum of Natural History before becoming a Professor of Palaeontology at NYU, so his love of dinosaurs is definitely a big part of his personality. Here are all the best Ross Geller quotes about dinosaurs from throughout the series.


Ross: OK, here you go. Pay me back whenever you like.
Monica: You have dinosaur checks?
Ross: Yeah. You get your money and you learn something. What’s wrong with that?” Friends, Season Two, Episode 14: “The One With The Prom Video”

Ross: [on the phone] No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. Look at the cranial ridge, okay? If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones.” Friends, Season Two, Episode 17: “The One Where Eddie Moves In”

“A hundred million people went to see a movie about what I do. I wonder how many people would go see a movie called Jurassic Parka.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 4: “The One With Phoebe’s Ex-Partner”

Chandler: Hey, what are you doing Friday?
Ross: Why?
Chandler: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert. You know, he’s the botanist?
Ross: Oh, God. Yeah, botanists are such geeks.
Chandler: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie?
Ross: Yeah. [roaring]” Friends, Season Three, Episode 12: “The One With All the Jealousy”

“[After a long, serious lecture] And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 2: “The One With The Cat”

Joey: Occupation? Dinosaurs.
Ross: Actually, I’m a palaeon- Dinosaurs is fine. The drawing is not.” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 2: “The One Where Emma Cries”

Chandler: We have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don’t get it done, I’ll be fired.
Monica: It’s so unfair. You don’t even like your job.
Chandler: So. Who does?
Phoebe: Oh, I like my job.
Joey: I love my job.
Rachel: I can’t wait to go back to work.
Ross: I can’t get enough dinosaurs.” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 10: “The One With Christmas in Tulsa”

Rachel: Well, you know what? There was a little part of me that really thought we were gonna win.
Ross: Me too. So much for my dinosaur/Amelia Earhart theme park.” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 18: “The One with the Lottery”

Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Which would you give up, sex or food?
Ross: Food.
Phoebe: What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: Oh, my God, it’s like Sophie’s Choice.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 10: “The One Where Chandler Gets Caught”

Ross: Is this your son?
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, his name is Ross. What?
Ross: Oh, nothing. It’s just, it’s close to Ron. Does he- Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, they’re all he talks about, why?
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants. I just heard it how you must have heard it and that’s not good. Let me start again. I’m a palaeontologist. You’ll be there with us. And the touching refers only to bones- Fossils!” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 15: “The One Where Estelle Dies”

Best Ross Geller Quotes About Sex

While Friends managed to stay pretty PG most of the time, sex is obviously going to be part of the life of 20-something year old New Yorkers! Here are the best, and often funniest, Ross Geller lines about sex.


Joey: What are you talking about? One woman? That’s like saying there’s only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There’s lots of flavors out there. There’s Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing Cherry Vanilla. You could get them with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. You got married, you were, what, eight? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.
Ross: I honestly don’t know if I’m hungry or horny.” Friends, Season One, Episode 1: “The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate”

Ross: Well, wait a minute, why is she in the title?
Susan: It’s my baby too.
Ross: Um, excuse me; I don’t remember you making any sperm.” Friends, Season One, Episode 2: “The One With the Sonogram at the End”

Rachel: Uh, Ross?
Ross: Disneyland, 1989. ‘It’s a small world after all.’
Joey: No way.
Ross: Yeah, the ride broke down so Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children. And they fixed the ride and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.” Friends, Season One, Episode 7: “The One With the Blackout”

Ross: I just wanted to thank you for our little talk before.
Rachel: Oh, God, no problem. So you’re gonna go with the waiting thing?
Ross: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
Rachel: Good. Ahem. What did he say?
Ross: Basically, he told me to get over myself and just do it. So I thought about what you said and about what he said. And, well, his way, I get to have sex tonight.” Friends, Season Two, Episode 4: “The One with Phoebe’s Husband”

“[Everyone is watching Joey’s porno movie]
Julie: So is there, like, a story, or do they just start doing it right… oh, never mind.
Chandler: Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I’ve ever seen.
Monica: All I say is, she better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he’s the one getting the job.” Friends, Season Two, Episode 4: “The One with Phoebe’s Husband”

Monica: Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex until the wedding.
Ross: A no-sex pact, huh? I actually have one of those going with every woman in America.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 19: “The One with Ross and Monica’s Cousin”

Ross: Not that it’s any of your business, but we did go out.
Salesman: Really? You two?
Ross: Yeah, Rach?
Rachel: Come on, I really don’t want to be doing this right now. I’m carrying a heavy couch.
Ross: Then tell him quickly.
Rachel: Fine. We went out.
Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!
Rachel: Ross! Oh, my God. Uh, you kept count? You are such a loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 16: “The One With the Cop”

Ross: You know, I’m sorry, this is insane. I’m not addicted to heroin, I’m not gay, and there is no problem with my ability to consummate anything. Look, I’ll consummate this marriage right here, right now.
Judge: That won’t be necessary.
Ross: And when we were dating, we consummated like bunnies.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 5: “The One With Joey’s Porsche”

Phoebe: Look, Kyle just told me some really bad stuff about her.
Ross: Like what?
Phoebe: Like she’s really mean, and she’s overly critical and- She will paint a room a really bright color without even checking with you.
Ross: Okay.
Phoebe: And she uses sex as a weapon.
Ross: Fine. Thank you for warning me. At breakfast, I’ll be on full alert for room painting and sex weapons.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 5: “The One With the Engagement Picture”

Monica: You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me? Why? Why wouldn’t you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done? Stuart.
Frannie: I believe you know my husband.
Ross: So it’s really a question of “who” could you possibly have done.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 11: “The One With All the Cheesecakes”

Ross: Yeah, I need, uh… I’m just… I don’t know… I don’t understand, umm, how this happened? We… we used a condom.
Rachel: I know. I know, but y’know condoms only work like 97 percent of the time.
Ross: What? What? What? Well, they should put that on the box!
Rachel: They do!
Ross: No they don’t! [runs to the bedroom and returns with a box of condoms] Well, they should put it in huge black letters!
Rachel: OK, Ross, come on… let’s just forget about the condoms.
Ross: Oh well, I may as well have!” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 3: “The One Where Rachel Tells…”

Joey: Whoa. What are you doing here? How’d your date go?
Ross: Great. I’m across the street having sex with her right now.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 4: “The One With the Videotape”

“[to his date] I’m just gonna grab my coat. And my whip. You know, because of Indiana Jones. Not because I’m into S&M. I’m not into anything weird, you know? Just normal sex. So I’m gonna grab my coat.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 21: “The One With the Cooking Class”

“[after turning Rachel down] Haven’t had sex in 4 months. I should get a medal for that!” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 13: “The One Where Joey Speaks French”

Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Ssh. Go back to sleep. I have to go home.
Ross: Oh, God. This was amazing.
Rachel: It really was. You’ve learned some new moves.
Ross: Yeah, well, this guy at work gave me ‘Sex for Dummies’ as a joke. Who’s laughing now?” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 17: “The Last One (Part One)”

Joey: How’d it go with you guys last night? She seemed pretty pissed at you.
Ross: We, uh… we worked things out.
Phoebe: What’s that smile? Did something happen with you two?
Ross: Hey, I’m not one to kiss and tell. But I’m also not one to have sex and shut up. We totally did it!” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 17: “The Last One (Part One)”

Best Ross Geller Quotes About Marriage and Divorce

Being married and/or divorced is not really a personality trait, but Ross’s unfortunate track record definitely became the punch line of many jokes in the series. These are the best lines by Ross himself about marriage and divorce.


Monica: You know, all these years I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you was doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they’d keep liking you better.
Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!” Friends, Season One, Episode 13: “The One With The Boobies”

Carol: Anyway, we’d like you to come. But we totally understand if you don’t want to.
Ross: Why wouldn’t I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.” Friends, Season Two, Episode 11: “The One With the Lesbian Wedding”

Phoebe: What’s wrong?
Ross: My marriage, I think my marriage is, um, kind of over.
Phoebe: Oh no! Why?
Ross: Because Carol’s a lesbian… and… and I’m not one.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 6: “The One With the Flashback”

Emily: We’ve only known each other for six weeks.
Ross: I know. So what? Who’s to say? Does that mean we can’t do it? Look, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 19: “The One with All the Haste”

Ross: I’m getting married today. Whoo!
Chandler: Morning, Ross.
Ross: I’m getting married today!
Chandler: Yeah, you are.
Ross: Whoo-hoo!” Friends, Season Four, Episode 24: “The One with Ross’s Wedding (Part 2)”

“I did not ‘abandon’ Rachel. Okay? Emily showed up at the airport. I had to go after her. I did what I had to do. She’s my wife. Rachel is my wife. Emily! Emily is my wife. Man, what is that?” Friends, Season Five, Episode 2: “The One With All The Kissing”

Chandler: Ross, it’s just a sandwich.
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, okay? I’m going to be divorced twice and I just got evicted. That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life. Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 9: “The One With Ross’s Sandwich”

Ross: You know what? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say “No divorces in ’99!”
Rachel: But your divorce isn’t even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in ’99!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 11: “The One With All the Resolutions”

Chandler: Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night or…?
Rachel: What do you mean “last night”? Nothing happened last night.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Ross invited us all to watch.
Monica: Rach, we weren’t gonna miss our friends getting married.
Rachel: Oh! Who got married?
Chandler: You did.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Wait, hello. We didn’t get married.
Rachel: No, we didn’t get married. That’s ridi– [both gasp]
Ross: Wait, wait, wait. I remember being in a chapel. But they would not let us get married when we were that drunk.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 1: “The One After Vegas”

Phoebe: Oh, that’s your thing.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Your thing, your thing. You’re the guy who gets divorced.
Chandler: Oh, yeah.
Ross: No, no, that’s not “my thing.” I do not love getting divorced.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 1: “The One After Vegas”

“I’m not kidding. Look, I can’t have three failed marriages. I can’t, okay? I am not gonna be that guy.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 1: “The One After Vegas”

Ross: You wanna hear something weird?
Phoebe: Always.
Ross: I didn’t get the annulment.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: We’re still married. Don’t tell Rachel. See you later.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 1: “The One After Vegas”

Phoebe: You didn’t get the annulment?!
Ross: I know.
Phoebe: Ross.
Ross: Well, I tried, but when I got to my lawyer’s office, all I could hear was: “Three divorces! Three divorces!” I just don’t want my tombstone to read ‘Ross Geller: Three Divorces’.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel”

Phoebe: Ross, it’s not that big a deal. So you’ll have been divorced three times. You’ll still have a life, you’ll go on dates.
Ross: No, I won’t. I’ll be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four-Divorce Guy, Murderer Guy, and geologists.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel”

 “First marriage, wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage… Well they really shouldn’t allow you to get married when you’re that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevada’s fault.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel”

“This is crazy. I mean, yes, Rachel is my good friend. And I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel”

Russell: You got married again?
Ross: Yes.
Russell: So that’s your second marriage in two years?
Ross: Yes. Second in two years. Third, overall.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel”

Russell: Why don’t you tell me what happened?
Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas, and we got drunk.
Russell: I’m sorry, is this the same Rachel whose name you said at the altar in the second marriage?
Ross: Yes, yes, yes. But I do not love her.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 2: “The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel”

Ross: [to Rachel] I gotta say, I know I divorce a lot of women. Never thought I’d be divorcing you.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 5: “The One With Joey’s Porsche”

Joey: Look, I need your help. Okay. I have to do something to repel this woman. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You guys repel women all the time.
Ross: Hey, I’ve been married three times. [Chandler slow claps]” Friends, Season Six, Episode 7: “The One Where Phoebe Runs”

Rachel: Can you imagine if I’d married him? I mean, how different would my life be?
Ross: I know what you mean. I’ve always wondered how different my life would be if I’d never gotten divorced.
Phoebe: Which time?
Ross: The first time!” Friends, Season Six, Episode 15: “The One That Could Have Been (Part 1)”

Rachel: Can you believe this? Can you believe they are actually getting married?
Ross: Well, sure, but I get married all the time.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 1: The One With Monica’s Thunder”

“Take it from me. As the groom, all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 2: The One With Rachel’s Book”

“[while walking down the aisle at Monica and Chandler’s wedding]
Ross: This is nice.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: I’ve never walked down the aisle knowing it can’t end in divorce.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 24: The One With Monica and Chandler’s Wedding (Part 2)

“Well, I didn’t. I didn’t propose. Unless… did I? I haven’t slept in 40 hours. And it does sound like something I would do.” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 1: “The One Where No One Proposes”

Rachel: I didn’t know that you guys hung out.
Ross: We don’t but thought it’d be nice to get to know him. Maybe have a little dinner, drinks, conversation.
Rachel: That’s so cute. Ross and Mike’s first date. Is that going to be awkward? What are you guys gonna talk about?
Ross: I don’t know. But you know, we have a lot in common, you know? He plays piano. I played keyboards in college. He’s been divorced. I have some experience in that area.” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 9: “The One With Rachel’s Phone Number”

Ross: I mean, do I wish me and Rachel living together would have worked out? Of course. You know, I’m disappointed, but it’s not like it’s a divorce.
Joey: Well, actually it-
Ross: No, it’s not a divorce. It is not a divorce!” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 14: “The One with the Blind Dates”

Ross: Are you still gonna move in with him?
Phoebe: Well, I want to, but I just wanted you to tell me that marriage really isn’t that big a deal. You know, that I won’t be missing out on anything. That marriage stinks.
Ross: Yeah, marriage stinks. I mean, if you want to see a man gain weight and a woman stop shaving get them married.
Phoebe: That’s not how you really feel, is it?
Ross: No, I’m sorry. Look, I know it’s not what you want to hear right now, but I can’t help it. I love marriage.
Phoebe: Seriously, you? “Divorce-o”?
Ross: If you have to call me a name, I’d prefer “Ross, the Divorcer.” It’s just cooler.” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 16: “The One With the Boob Job”

“[to Phoebe and Mike] Hey, what do you guys think about this: Ross, the Divorce Force.” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 16: “The One With the Boob Job”

“So did he get on one knee? Did he have a speech prepared? Oh, did he cry? Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 6: “The One With Ross’s Grant”

Ross: There’s no way around it, Pheebs. You’re just going to have accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money.
Mike: I heard that weddings are, like, a $40 billion-a-year industry.
Ross: Yeah. And I’m responsible for just, like, half of that.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 7: “The One With The Home Study”

Phoebe: But really, it does seem like this money could be put to better use.
Mike: Are you serious?
Phoebe: Yeah. Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and we just got married at City Hall?
Mike: I think it would make me wanna marry you even more.
Ross: I gotta say, you guys, that’s an incredible gesture.
Chandler: Maybe you do that next time you get married.
Ross: No, no, no. The next time’s gonna be Hawaii at sunset. But maybe the time after that.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 7: “The One With The Home Study”

Ross: I can’t believe we’re gonna be the only people that aren’t in this wedding.
Chandler: I know. I hate being left out of things.
Ross: And it’s a wedding. It’ll be weird if I’m not in it.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 12: “The One With Phoebe’s Wedding”

Did We Miss Any of Your Favorite Ross Geller Quotes?

Let us know in the comments below!


Photo of author

Kristy Brandt

Originally from Tasmania, Australia, Kristy was living in London when she unexpectedly met a Dutch bloke and ended up moving to the Netherlands to be with him. Now she can be found taking numerous photos of their four weird cats, eating lots of stroopwafels and blogging at Tassie Devil Abroad.

Leave a Comment