While Rachel Green’s hairstyle might have been the most famous part of her for a while there, there’s no denying the character remains popular to this day.
One half of television’s most infamous couple (Ross and Rachel), the ditzy waitress turned fashion executive is still one of Jennifer Anniston’s most memorable and beloved roles.
Her character arc from spoiled, rich daddy’s girl to independent and successful mother is inspiring, so much so that she ended up being perhaps the most popular friend for many viewers.
We’ve rounded up the best of Rachel Green in this post, including her funniest lines from throughout the series. Sit back, relax and enjoy these Rachel from Friends quotes.
Most Iconic and Well-Known Rachel Green Quotes
These are the most famous of Rachel’s lines, although we’ve only included one example of her iconic “nooooo” when finding out something shocking!
“Come on, Daddy, listen to me! It’s like all of my life, everyone has always told me, “You’re a shoe!” “You’re a shoe!” “You’re a shoe!” And then today I just stopped and said, What if I don’t want to be a shoe? What if I want to be a purse? Or a hat? No, I don’t want you to buy me a hat! I’m saying that I am a hat. It’s a metaphor, Daddy!” Friends, Season One, Episode 1: “The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate”
“Ross: But we haven’t seen each other since then. And I land in China, guess who’s in charge of the dig?
Rachel: Julie! Julie! Isn’t that great? I mean, isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?” Friends, Season Two, Episode 1: “The One with Ross’s New Girlfriend”
“And hey, just so you know. It’s not that common. It doesn’t happen to every guy. And it is a big deal!” Friends, Season Four, Episode 1: “The One with the Jellyfish”
“Phoebe: What’s he saying?
Monica: He’s with Emily at a bed and breakfast in Vermont.
Phoebe: What? Oh, my God!
Rachel: Wait, who the hell is Emily? Nooooo!” Friends, Season Four, Episode 14: “The One with Joey’s Dirty Day”
“Ross: Your page said, “Come to the hospital.” What? What was it? What happened?
Joey: Something called Braxton Hicks contraction.
Ross: Oh, oh. Thank God. That’s no big deal. Most women don’t even feel them.
Rachel: Okay, no uterus, no opinion.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 14: “The One with the Secret Closet”
Best Ditzy Rachel Green Lines
Rachel was very knowledgeable when it came to fashion, but not so much with general knowledge. These are the best Rachel Green quotes where she comes across as a little bit ditzy, air-headed or just plain clueless!
“Monica: Come on, you can’t live off your parents your whole life.
Rachel: I know that. That’s why I was getting married.” Friends, Season One, Episode 1: “The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate”
“Rachel: Wish me luck!
Monica: What for?
Rachel: I’m gonna go get one of those job things.” Friends, Season One, Episode 1: “The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate”
“Isn’t this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it. I steamed milk. And it was totally … not worth it. Who’s FlCA? Why’s he getting all my money?” Friends, Season One, Episode 4: “The One with George Stephanopoulos”
“Monica: Hey, look at me. I’m making jam. I’ve been at it since 4 a.m.
Ross: Where’d you get fruit at 4 a.m.?
Monica: Down at the docks. Bet you didn’t know you can get it wholesale.
Rachel: I didn’t know there were docks.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 3: “The One with the Jam”
“Rachel: We should definitely play football more often. Maybe there’s, like, a league we could join.
Phoebe: Isn’t there a “national football league”?
Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is. They play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Rachel: Oh, shoot. I work Monday nights.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 9: “The One with the Football”
“Phoebe: Okay, why didn’t you just say you hadn’t read the book?
Rachel: Because I didn’t want him to think I was stupid. I mean, that was really embarrassing, what happened to you.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 9: “The One with Ross’s Sandwich”
“Teacher: Well, go ahead, Rachel.
Rachel: Um, thank you, Phoebe. What struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was how the book was so ahead of its time.
Teacher: If you’re talking about feminism, I think you’re right.
Rachel: Well, feminism, yes. But also the robots.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 9: “The One with Ross’s Sandwich”
“Monica: I had to turn down a job catering a funeral for 60 people.
Rachel: Oh, my God. What happened?
Monica: Sixty guests.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 6: “The One with the Dirty Girl”
“I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle!” Friends, Season Six, Episode 9: “The One Where Ross Got High”
“Phoebe: Another amazing find. I bet this has a great story too.
Rachel: It does. It is a room-separating apparatus from Colonial times.
Ross: Huh. A lot of this stuff is from the Colonial times. Hey, what are some other time periods, Rachel?
Rachel: Well, there’s yore. And, you know, yesteryear.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 11: “The One with the Apothecary Table”
“Rachel: Well, it’s a long story, but, I broke Joey’s chair-
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You broke Joey’s chair?
Chandler: I thought I broke Joey’s chair, that’s why I replaced it with mine.
Rachel: Oh. That’s how it got fixed.
Chandler: What did you think? That elves came in and fixed it?
Rachel: No. Angels.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 13: “The One Where Rosita Dies”
“Monica: Hey, could you do me a favor and talk to Chandler’s dad and try to keep him away from Chandler’s mom.
Rachel: Yeah. but I don’t know what he looks like.
Monica: He is the man in the black dress.
Rachel: Man in the black dress. [walks up to a woman who is not Chandler’s dad] Hi. I’m Rachel, a friend of Monica and Chandler’s.
Amanda: I’m Amanda.
Rachel: Oh, I get it. ‘A man, duh!'” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 23: “The One with Monica and Chandler’s Wedding (Part 1)”
“Rachel: Hey, you know what, I’m not waiting. I’m gonna push this baby out. I’m doing it. I mean it’s what, three centimeters. That’s gotta be like this, right? [holds her hands apart]
Ross: Actually, it’s more like this. [moves them closer]
Rachel: Oh, stupid metric system.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 23: “The One Where Rachel Has a Baby (Part 1)”
“Rachel: You are in such good hands, and I am so good with meeting parents. With the father, you know, you wanna flirt a little, but not in a gross way. Just kind of like, “Oh, Mr. Pinzer, I can see where Wallace gets his good looks.”
Monica: You went out with Wallace Pinzer?
Rachel: He took the SATs for me.
Monica: I knew you didn’t get a 1400.
Rachel: Yeah, well, duh!” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 7: “The One with Ross’s Inappropriate Song”
“Rachel: But I mean, come on, look at this. Look at this sweater. I mean, this is just beautiful.
Ross: Wow, this is really soft. Three hundred and fifty dollars?
Rachel: Down from 700. You’re saving, like, 200 bucks.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 9: “The One with the Birth Mother”
Funniest Rachel Green Quotes
Since Friends was an ensemble sitcom, all the characters had hilarious lines. Here are all the best funny Rachel Green lines that made us chuckle throughout the series.
“Ross: Your money’s mine, Green.
Rachel: Your fly’s open, Geller.” Friends, Season One, Episode 18: “The One with All the Poker”
“Monica: Do you see anybody you think could be me?
Instructor: People, last time there were empty yogurt containers lying around after class. Let’s not have that happen again.
Rachel: She could be you.” Friends, Season One, Episode 21: “The One with the Fake Monica”
“Monica: It took me 28 years to find a man I wanted to spend my life with. If I have to wait another 28 years, I’ll be 56 before I can have a baby. And that’s just stupid.
Chandler: That’s what’s stupid?
Monica: I don’t need an actual man. Just a few of his best swimmers. And there are places you can go to get that… stuff.
Rachel: Down to the docks again?” Friends, Season Three, Episode 3: “The One with the Jam”
“Ross: And Isabella Rossellini.
Chandler: Very hot. Very sexy. But she’s too international. She’s never gonna be around.
Chandler: So you gotta play the odds. Pick somebody who’s gonna be in the country all the time.
Rachel: Yeah. Because that’s why you won’t get Isabella Rossellini. Geography.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 5: “The One with Frank Jr.”
“Rachel: Or we could put a hat on his head.
Monica: A hat. Yes, we need a hat. Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Rachel: Oh, I’ll get Rainy Day Bear.
Monica: Because he’ll know what to do? [Rachel brings a bear wearing a hat and raincoat] Oh, my God. You’re a genius.
Rachel: Oh, God, it’s kind of sewn on.
Monica: Give it. Give it. [Monica decapitates the bear trying to pull the hat off]
Rachel: Oh, God, it’s just like a bloodbath in here today.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 8: “The One with the Giant Poking Device”
“Ross: It was a mistake. I made a mistake, okay?
Rachel: A mistake? What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?” Friends, Season Three, Episode 16: “The One with the Morning After”
“Ross: You’re welcome.
Rachel: I’m sorry. Were you speaking to me, or sleeping with someone else?
Ross: We were on a break!
Rachel: You know, Ross, why don’t you just put that on your answering machine?” Friends, Season Three, Episode 17: The One Without the Ski Trip”
“Ross: Hey, what are you doing shopping at 8 in the morning?
Rachel: Well, I’ve been up since 6 thanks to somebody’s dumb-ass rooster.
Phoebe: You guys, you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldn’t be living in an apartment.
Rachel: Yeah, especially not with all these knives and cookbooks around.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 12: “The One with the Embryos”
“Put that box down. We are not going anywhere. This is my apartment and I like it. This is a girl’s apartment. That is a boy’s apartment. It’s dirty and it smells. This is pretty. It’s so pretty. And look, it’s purple. And I’m telling you, you with your steady hand, I am not moving. And now I have got the steady hand. [Rachel holds out a shaky hand]” Friends, Season Four, Episode 12: “The One with the Embryos”
“Ross: She thought the very idea of me playing rugby was hilarious. So I’m going to show her how tough I really am.
Rachel: [laughs] I’m sorry. You are a tough guy. You are the toughest palaeontologist I know.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 15: “The One with All the Rugby”
“Rachel: I hate this apartment. I hate the color of these walls. I hate that this place still smells like bird. I hate that singing guy.
Joey: Are you kidding? I love that guy. “Morning’s here, Morning is here”-
Rachel: Stop it. I will kill you.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 19: “The One with All the Haste”
“Ross: I still don’t know. I’m sorry, I just want to make sure I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says “Kids welcome here,” but that also says “Come here to me.”
Rachel: What? You say that to kids?
Ross: No, no, no. The “Come here to me” is, you know, for the ladies.
Rachel: Ross, honey, it’s a nice couch, it’s not a magic couch.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 16: “The One with the Cop”
“Rachel: But you know, I never had anything to worry about. Ross was never really good at the flirting thing.
Ross: What- What- What are you talking about? It worked with you.
Rachel: Oh. No, you’re right. We met, you flirted and then bam! Nine years later, you had me.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 19: “The One Where Ross Can’t Flirt”
“[picking up the phone] Hello, Vegas? We would like more alcohol. And you know what else? We would like some more beers. Hello? Oh, I forgot to dial.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 24: “The One in Vegas (Part 2)”
“Rachel: The bottom line, Ross, is we cannot stay married.
Ross: I don’t know if that’s true.
Rachel: Oh, but it is.
Ross: Okay. You know what this is? This is a difference of opinion. And when that happens in a marriage-
Rachel: Oh, Ross, come on. This is not a marriage. This is the world’s worst hangover!” Friends, Season Six, Episode 1: “The One After Vegas”
“Rachel: Bug! [Rachel throws a bouquet of flowers, Monica catches them] Ah, that’s funny. You look like you’re gonna be the next bri-
Monica: Don’t say it. Don’t even think it.
Rachel: Geez. All right. Okay, Chandler, enjoy your handful.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 1: “The One After Vegas”
“Judge: Okay, you two are asking the court for an annulment?
Rachel: Yes, Your Honor. And here are our forms, all filled out.
Judge: So based on your petition, you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that “Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.”
Ross: Fine. I’m mentally unstable.
Judge: And based on the fact that “Mr. Geller is an intravenous drug user.”
Rachel: Yes. Heroin and crack.
Ross: Crack isn’t even an intravenous drug.
Rachel: Well, you would know.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 4: “The One with Joey’s Porsche”
“Ooh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?” Friends, Season Six, Episode 8: “The One with Ross’s Teeth”
“Ross: And that’s the story of the dreidel. Now, some people trace the Christmas tree back to the Egyptians, who used to bring green palm branches into huts on the shortest day of the year, symbolizing life’s triumph over death. And that was, like, 4000 years ago.
Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 10: “The One with the Routine”
“Joey: Can we come in yet? We’re dying out here.
Monica: Come in! Come in! We’re engaged!
Rachel: Oh, this is the least jealous I’ve ever been.
Phoebe: Oh, no, wait. This is wrong. Ross isn’t here.
Rachel: Oh, hell, he’s done it three times. He knows what it’s about.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 25: “The One with the Proposal (Part 2)”
“Rachel: So no brothers or sisters, huh? You know what, I had two sisters and we just tortured each other.
Ben: Really? Like how?
Rachel: Well, you know, we would, um we’d repeat everything the other said, or we’d jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar with salt so they put salt on their cereal.
Ben: That’s a good one.
Rachel: Yeah, you like that one?
Ben: Yeah, you’re funny.
Rachel: I’m funny? Oh, thank God.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 16: “The One with the Truth About London”
“Ross: I just want you to know that I’m going to be there through this whole thing. Okay. The doctor’s appointments, the Lamaze classes, baby-proofing the apartment. Although, we can probably worry about that after we get married.
Ross: Well, yeah, I think we should get married.
Rachel: Because that’s your answer to everything?” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 3: “The One Where Rachel Tells…”
“Rachel: I’m apartment hunting.
Ross: You’re moving?
Rachel: Yeah, well, I can’t live with Joey once the baby comes. I don’t want my child’s first words to be, [in a squeaky voice] ‘How you doin’?'” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 7: “The One with the Stain”
“Ross: Okay. How about for a guy, Thatcher?
Rachel: Ross, why do you hate our child?
Ross: Fine, you go.
Rachel: Okay. James.
Rachel: But only if it’s a girl.
Ross: Veto. Oh, I like Ruth. What about Ruth?
Rachel: Oh, I’m sorry. Are we having an 89-year-old?” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 13: “The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath”
“Ross: I don’t think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, Little Ruthie Geller? How cute is that?
Rachel: Oh, my God, I can practically hear the mahjong tiles.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 13: “The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath”
“Rachel: It was just a momentary lapse.
Ross: Momentary lapse. Don’t you have any self-control?
Rachel: Okay. [putting her hand on her pregnant belly] A couple months late on the lecture, Ross.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 13: “The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath”
“Rachel: We’re having a girl. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s with you, but still, we’re having a girl.
Ross: I know. You know what? I’m putting Ruth back on the table.
Rachel: Oh. Yes, we’ll have ourselves a little baby Ruth.
Ross: Permission to veto.
Rachel: Yes, please.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 13: “The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath”
“Joey: So how’s it going living over at Ross’s?
Rachel: It’s good, except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages?” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 15: “The One with the Birthing Video”
“Phoebe: Let me ask you. Do you believe in soul mates?
Rachel: Oh, yes, I do. I do. I believe there’s one person out there for everyone. And you know how you find him? You stop looking for him. That’s why I’ve stopped looking for Russell Crowe. He’ll find me.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 16: “The One Where Joey Tells Rachel”
“Rachel: So, what’s the final head count on my baby shower?
Phoebe: About twenty. A couple of people from work had things to do.
Monica: Also, both of your sisters called and neither can make it.
Rachel: What? You mean they’re not coming to a social event where there’s no men and no booze? That’s shocking.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 20: “The One with the Baby Shower”
“Monica: How are you doing?
Rachel: Oh, not bad. You know that feeling when you’re trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass?” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 24: “The One Where Rachel Has a Baby”
“Rachel: I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike’s parents. She’s so nervous. It’s so sweet.
Ross: Guess what. I made Emma laugh today.
Rachel: You what? And I missed it because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 7: “The One with Ross’s Inappropriate Song”
“Rachel: I haven’t seen you in, like, a year.
Amy: Oh, I know. I know. I’ve just been crazed.
Rachel: Well, me too. I had a baby.
Amy: I decorated Dad’s office.
Rachel: Yeah? Well, unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, not the same thing.” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 8: “The One with Rachel’s Other Sister”
“Rachel: I did not know you spoke French.
Phoebe: Oui, bien sur je parle Français. Qu’est-ce que tu penses alors? [Yes, of course I speak French. What did you think?]
Rachel: Oh, you’re so sexy.
Joey: Well, so will you help me? I really wanna be in this play.
Phoebe: Sure. Tout le plaisir est pour moi, mon ami. [The pleasure is all mine, my friend]
Rachel: Seriously, stop or I’m gonna jump on you.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 13: “The One Where Joey Speaks French”
Best Rachel Green Quotes About Fashion and Shopping
Rachel was very passionate about fashion and loved shopping, before ultimately working in fashion. Here are all the best Rachel Green sayings on the topic of fashion and shopping.
“Phoebe: Yes, because now I have to go down there and deal with them .
Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it!
Phoebe: It’s not mine. I didn’t earn it. If I kept it, it’d be like stealing.
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping.” Friends, Season One, Episode 3: “The One with the Thumb”
“Monica: What’s the job?
Rachel: Assistant buyer. I would be shopping! For a living!” Friends, Season One, Episode 18: “The One with All the Poker”
“Mark: Believe me, I’ve been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at that Mannequins Plus.
Rachel: Okay. Well, I’m just gonna go back to talking to my friend here. You can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.
Mark: Just one other thing.
Mark: I work at Bloomingdale’s. I might know of a possible job, if you’re interested.
Rachel: Do you want my pickle?” Friends, Season Three, Episode 11: The One Where Chandler Can’t Remember Which Sister”
“Monica: And you know what? I just realized in the last year, I’ve only gone out with two guys: Richard and Julio. You got to help me out. You gotta set me up. Get me back in the game.
Rachel: Well, that shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, I work in fashion, and all I meet are eligible straight men.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 18: “The One with the Hypnosis Tape”
“Mrs. Burgin: Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.
Rachel: What, this? Oh, no, no, no. That’s not what it is. See. Okay, I work in fashion. And this is a real dress, actually. It’s- They’re wearing it in Milan. So part of my job is to wear the clothes and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdale’s. Obviously, in this case I am going to report back: “U.S.A. not ready.”
Mr. Burgin: Maybe in L.A.
Rachel: Yes.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 18: “The One with Rachel’s New Dress”
“Rachel: [picking up Phoebe’s fur coat] Oh, my God. Look at these pelts.
Monica: Don’t get too attached. She’s having it cremated.
Rachel: Phoebe? Honey? Honey, I know you’re quirky, and I get a big kick out of it. We all do, actually. But if you destroy a coat like this, I mean, that is like a crime against nature. Not nature. Fashion!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 6: “The One with the Yeti”
“Rachel: So what’s this book about?
Phoebe: You didn’t read this one, either?
Rachel: Well, I was going to, but I accidentally read something else.
Rachel: Vogue.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 9: “The One with Ross’s Sandwich”
“Oh, my God. I’m standing at a cash register, I’m holding a credit card, and I’m bored.” Friends, Season Eight, Episode 21: “The One with the Cooking Class”
“Ross: Hey, guys, I need some fashion advice. How does this look? [puts on a hat]
Rachel: Well, it’s It’s a little low. Pick it up a little. A little bit more. A little bit more. There you go. Now throw it away.
Ross: Come on! This looks good.
Rachel: Ross, please trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don’t know who’s running for president or who that NATO guy is, but I do know that you have to get far away from that hat.” Friends, Season 10, Episode 9: “The One with the Birth Mother”
Best Rachel Green Lines About Sex, Dating and Love
Friends was ultimately about being in your 20s/early 30s, so sex and dating was a big part of many storylines. And, of course, the on-again-off-again relationship between Ross and Rachel kept fans hanging for all ten seasons! These are our favorite Friends Rachel quotes about sex, dating and love.
“Monica: You don’t understand. For us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right! You serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah.
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Chandler: I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act. I mean, it’s like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: And it’s not that we don’t like the comedian. It’s just that, that’s not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: You see the problem is, though, no matter how great the show was, you girls are looking for the comedian again. I mean, we’re in the car, fighting traffic, basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise, next time you’ll find yourself listening to that album alone. [Rachel high fives Monica]” Friends, Season One, Episode 2: “The One with the Sonogram at the End”
“Rachel: Okay, look. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I promise I’m not going to laugh anymore. Put your hands back there.
Ross: No. No, see, now I can’t because I’m feeling to self-conscious.
Rachel: Just one cheek.
Ross: The moment’s gone.
Rachel: Just put your hands out and I’ll back up into them.
Ross: That’s romantic.
Rachel: Come on, touch it.
Rachel: Oh, come on, squeeze it.
Rachel: Rub it?
Rachel: Oh, come on. Would you just grab my ass?” Friends, Season Two, Episode 15: “The One Where Ross and Rachel… You Know”
“Ross: Listen, I’m sorry I had to work tonight.
Rachel: Oh, that’s okay. You were worth the wait. And I don’t just mean tonight.” Friends, Season Two, Episode 15: “The One Where Ross and Rachel… You Know”
“[As Ross and Rachel roll about, kissing]
Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, honey? That’s okay.
Ross: What? Oh, no. You just rolled over the juice box.
Rachel: Oh, thank God!” Friends, Season Two, Episode 15: “The One Where Ross and Rachel… You Know”
“Ross: Okay, you’re going to have to understand you’re with a guy who’s not going to stop planning his future with you because he knows we’re gonna end up together. And if that scares you, tough! Because you’re gonna have to deal with that.
Rachel: I will.
Ross: Good, because I love you.
Rachel: Oh, yeah? Well, I love you too.
Ross: Well, that’s the first time we’ve said that.
Rachel: Yes, it is.
Ross: Well, I’m gonna kiss you.
Rachel: Well, you better.” Friends, Season Two, Episode 20: “The One Where Old Yeller Dies”
“Ross: Wait a minute. Look! It’s an empty apartment. We’re all alone in an empty apartment.
Rachel: Honey, I have to be at work in 10 minutes. [Ross starts kissing Rachel] All right. It’s not like I’m employee of the year or anything.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 3: “The One with the Jam”
“Chandler: Do I look fat?
Ross and Rachel: No.
Chandler: Okay. I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean I was calling her a cow.
Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey. Walk us through it.
Chandler: Okay. Janice said, “Hi. Do I look fat today?” And I looked at her-
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her? You never look. You just answer. It’s like a reflex.
“Do I look fat?” “No.”
“Is she prettier than I am?” “No.”
“Does size matter?”
Ross: And it works both ways.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 3: “The One with the Jam”
“[as they’re banging their heads on a beam]
Rachel: Look at that! We all do it! Okay, I’m stopping now.
Monica: Are you okay?
Rachel: Yeah. You know, if it’s not a headboard, it’s just not worth it.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 8: “The One with the Giant Poking Device”
“Rachel: And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship.
Ross: Look, I didn’t think there was a relationship to jeopardize. I thought we had broken up.
Rachel: We were on a break.
Ross: That, for all I knew, could last forever. That to me is a breakup.
Rachel: You think you’re gonna get out of this on a technicality?
Ross: I’m not trying to “get out” of anything. I thought our relationship was dead.
Rachel: Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 16: “The One with the Morning After”
“Rachel: Do you think it’s easy for me to see you with somebody else?
Ross: You’re the one who ended it.
Rachel: Because I was mad at you. Not because I stopped loving you.
Ross: You still love me? You still love me.
Rachel: Yeah, so? You love me.” Friends, Season Three, Episode 25: “The One at the Beach (Part 2)”
“Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break up this relationship.
Rachel: You and that girl, which yesterday you took full responsibility for.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 1: “The One with the Jellyfish”
“Oh, I can’t believe I even thought of getting back with you! We are so over.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 1: “The One with the Jellyfish”
“Monica: [teaching Chandler about erogenous zones] All right, the important thing is to take your time. You want to hit them all and you want to mix them up. Keep them on their toes.
Rachel: Oh, toes! For some people.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 11: “The One with Phoebe’s Uterus”
“Joey: Okay. For next time, what do you say?
Rachel: “l have an extra ticket.” “An extra ticket.” Not “two tickets.” “I have an extra ticket.”
Ross: So the first time you asked a guy out he turned you down?
Rachel: He didn’t turn me down. He’s at the game, isn’t he? I got the date. I’m just not on it.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 13: “The One with Rachel’s Crush”
“You guys, come on. I have to meet Joshua. It’s my one chance for him to see the “fun” Rachel. The “wouldn’t it be great if she were my wife?” Rachel.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 14: “The One with Joey’s Dirty Day”
“All I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua so he could go ahead and start falling in love with me.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 14: “The One with Joey’s Dirty Day”
“Ross: You’re great. And I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.
Rachel: “Hang in there”?
Ross: No, I didn’t mean.
Rachel: I mean, maybe you have not heard of a little serious relationship called “me and Joshua”?
Ross: Oh. I thought you had just been on, like, four dates. I didn’t realize that had become anything.
Rachel: Oh no, it has become. Oh no, those were four great dates. I mean, and the connection. Emotionally, mentally. You know? Physically.” Season Four, Episode 20: “The One with All the Wedding Dresses”
“Phoebe, I’m not going to Ross’s wedding, because he’s my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. It’s not because I’m still in love with him. I mean, hey, I like Ross as much as the next guy. Clearly, I have feelings for him, but feelings don’t mean love. I mean, do I still have loving feelings for Ross? Yeah. I have continuing feelings of love. But that doesn’t mean I’m still in love with him. You know, I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him. [gasps] Oh, my God. Why didn’t you tell me?” Friends, Season Four, Episode 23: “The One with Ross’s Wedding (Part 1)”
“Rachel: Pheebs, do you remember where the duck food is?
Phoebe: Yeah, it’s in the guys’ apartment, under the sink. Why?
Rachel: Because I’m going to London.
Phoebe: What? What do you mean you’re going to London?
Rachel: I have to tell Ross I love him. Now, honey, you take care and don’t have the babies till I get back.” Friends, Season Four, Episode 23: “The One with Ross’s Wedding (Part 1)”
“Rachel: I think I’m just going to say it. I’m just going to say it. I’m still in love with you, Ross.
Ross: Wow, uh. Huh. I’m- Wow. I’m not sure what to do with that right now.
[Rachel starts laughing]
Ross: What? Was that a joke? Because it’s mean.
Rachel: I’m so dead serious. I’m totally serious.
Ross: Why are you laughing?
Rachel: Because I just heard it. I heard it. And it’s ridiculous. I mean. You’re married. You’re married, and it’s just ridiculous. It’s like when I said it, I sort of floated up out of my body, you know. And then I heard myself say it, and then the floating Rachel – I was like, “You are such an idiot!” [laughing]” Friends, Season Five, Episode 2: “The One with All the Kissing”
“Rachel: Oh, God. You know what? Do you think, could you just forget I told you this?
Ross: Well, I kind of have to. Because the thing is-
Rachel: The thing is, you know, that you’re married to Emily.
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Rachel: Oh, God. Ross, things won’t be weird between us, right? Was that just the stupidest thing? Me telling you that?
Ross: No, no, no. I’m glad you did. Look, if nothing else it’s always great when someone tells you they love you.
Rachel: That’s what I said!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 2: “The One with All the Kissing”
“Rachel: You know how my parents are out of town, and Chip was going to come over.
Monica: Yeah, yeah. And you were going to give him your “flower.”
Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex? It really creeps me out when you call it that. Okay, and by the way, while we’re at it, a guy’s thing is not called his “tenderness.” Believe me.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 8: “The One with All the Thanksgivings”
“Monica: Listen, if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you’ll tell me everything.
Rachel: Oh, totally, totally. You know, it’s not that big a deal. We already kind of did it once.
Monica: I know, but this time you’re going to definitely know whether or not you did it.
Rachel: I know. And Chip promised that this time it’d last at least for an entire song.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 8: “The One with All the Thanksgivings”
“Ross: Not that it’s any of your business, but we did go out.
Salesman: Really? You two?
Ross: Yeah, Rach?
Rachel: Come on, I really don’t want to be doing this right now. I’m carrying a heavy couch.
Ross: Then tell him quickly.
Rachel: Fine. We went out.
Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it 298 times!
Rachel: Ross! Oh, my God. Uh, you kept count? You are such a loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!” Friends, Season Five, Episode 16: “The One with the Cop”
“Joey: Well, the reason I think Monica and Chandler are so great is because they were friends first. So I asked myself, who are my friends? You and Phoebe. I saw you first, so…
Rachel: What are you saying?
Joey: I’m saying maybe you and I crank it up a notch.
Rachel: You know, honey as flattered as I am that you saw me first, I just don’t think we should be cranking anything up.
Joey: I’ll treat you real nice.
Rachel: Yeah. Well, you know. I think it’s a great idea to become friends with someone before you date. But I think the way you do it is you meet someone, become their friend, build a foundation, then ask them out on a date. Don’t hit on your existing friends.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 16: “The One with the Cop”
“Chandler: Rachel, when you were going out with Ross, did it bother you when he flirted with other women?
Rachel: No. No, it bothered me when he slept with other women.” Friends, Season Five, Episode 19: “The One Where Ross Can’t Flirt”
“Ross: You know, you’ve done a lot of stupid stuff too, okay?
Rachel: Oh, name one stupid thing that is as stupid as this one.
Ross: Okay, how about you flew to London to stop my wedding? How about you told me you loved me after I was already married.
Rachel: Wait, that was different. I did those things because I was in love with you.” Friends, Season Six, Episode 5: “The One with Joey’s Porsche”
“Rachel: So did you read your evaluation yet?
Tag: No, it was marked “confidential.” I just sent it down to human resources.
Rachel: Okay, please, you’re kidding, right? I wrote that one as a joke for you.
Tag: A joke they would appreciate?
Rachel: I’m thinking, no.
Tag: What did you say?
Rachel: I said I thought you were a good kisser and that I liked your teeny, tiny tushy.
Tag: Oh, no, not my tushy.
Rachel: Oh, it gets worse. Where asked if you take initiative, I wrote: “Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision.” And under problems with performance, I wrote, “Dear God, I hope not.” And then- And then I drew a little smiley face. And then a small pornographic sketch.” Friends, Season Seven, Episode 9: “The One with All the Candy”
“Rachel: You know what, honey? Guys are just different. They like things that we can’t understand. You know, I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend that he was an archaeologist, and I was this naughty cavewoman who he unfroze from a block of ice.
Monica: Ew. Are you talking about my brother?
Rachel: Yeah, I didn’t disguise that very well, did I?” Friends, Season Nine, Episode 4: “The One with the Sharks”
“[on answering machine] Ross, hi. It’s me. I just got back on the plane. And I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting to see you and all of a sudden you’re there and saying these things. And- And now I’m just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn’t. I mean, I didn’t even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I’ve gotta see you. I’ve gotta get off this plane.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 18: “The Last One (Part 2)”
“Ross: You got off the plane. [Ross and Rachel kiss]
Rachel: I do love you.
Ross: I love you too, and I am never letting you go again.” Friends, Season Ten, Episode 18: “The Last One (Part Two)”
Did We Miss Any of Your Favorite Rachel Green Quotes?
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