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The Game of Thrones TV series is classified as action, adventure, fantasy and tragedy – but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t also have its moments of humor!
In fact, there were many moments where character lines made audiences laugh, often because of profanity and gallows humor, but not always.
While we’ve also done a guide to the best Game of Thrones quotes (including inspirational ones and those dealing with the main themes), today we are focusing on all the best funny Game of Thrones lines.
Do be aware that there is some truly foul language used by many characters, but we’ve endeavoured to put all the rudest and most sweary quotes in one section, so you could still enjoy the rest and skip that one if you prefer!
So grab a cup of wine and read on for all of the best Game of Thrones funny quotes, insults, jokes, quips and one-liners from the television show, as well as from the book series.
The Most Iconic Funny Game of Thrones Quotes
These are the most iconic funny lines from Game of Thrones, that are definitely memorable to this day!
“Jaime Lannister: Tell me you’re not thinking of taking the black.
Tyrion Lannister: And go celibate ? The whores would go begging from Dorne to Casterly Rock. I just want to stand on top of the Wall and piss off the edge of the world.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 2: “The Kings Road”
“Olenna Tyrell: We mothers do what we can to keep our sons from the grave. But they do seem to yearn for it. We shower them with good sense, and it slides right off like rain off a wing.
Cersei Lannister: And yet the world belongs to them.
Olenna Tyrell: A ridiculous arrangement, to my mind.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 4: “And Now His Watch Is Ended”
“Tyrion Lannister: It’s not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 10: “Mhysa”
“Tyrion Lannister: Dragons do not do well in captivity.
Missandei: How do you know this?
Tyrion Lannister: That’s what I do. I drink and I know things.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 2: “Home”
“Sansa Stark: What do dragons eat, anyway?
Daenerys Targaryen: Whatever they want.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
The Best Funny Insults from Game of Thrones
Some of the funniest quotes from Game of Thrones actually occur when one character is insulting another, especially since most of these insults are also quite clever. Here are our favorite funny insults.
“Jon Snow: I came very close once. I was alone in a room with a naked girl, but…
Samwell Tarly: You didn’t know where to put it?” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 4: “Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things”
“Lancel Lannister: It’s made too small, Your Grace. It won’t go.
Robert Baratheon: Your mother was a dumb whore with a fat arse. Did you know that? Look at this idiot! One ball and no brains. He can’t even put a man’s armor on him properly.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 5: “The Wolf and the Lion”
“Sansa Stark: Where are you from anyway? The North or the South?
Septa Mordane: I come from a very small village in…
Sansa Stark: Oh, wait. I just realized, I don’t care.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 6: “A Golden Crown”
“Jon Snow: Having a rough time of it?
Samwell Tarly: Nothing’s killed me yet.
Grenn: Your ass killed the sledge.
Samwell Tarly: You offered me a ride!
Grenn: I just wanted you to shut up about your damn blisters.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 1: “The North Remembers”
“Janos Slynt: The man was a traitor. He tried to buy my loyalty.
Tyrion Lannister: The fool! He had no idea you were already bought.
Janos Slynt: Are you drunk? I’ll not have my honor questioned by an Imp.
Tyrion Lannister: I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I’m denying its existence.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 2: “The Night Lands”
“Arya Stark: You’re a liar.
Gendry: You shouldn’t insult people that are bigger than you.
Arya Stark: Then I wouldn’t get to insult anyone.
Gendry: Well, I don’t care what any of them want. No good’s ever come of their questions.
Arya Stark: No good’s ever come? Who asked questions before?
Gendry: How can someone so small be such a huge pain in my ass?” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 2: “The Night Lands”
“Rabble-rouser: [to a crowd] A dancing king, prancing down his bloodstained halls to the tune of a twisted demon monkey.
Tyrion Lannister: You have to admire his imagination.
Bronn: He’s talking about you.
Tyrion Lannister: What? Demon monkey?” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 5: “The Ghost of Harrenhal”
“Samwell Tarly: The Fist of the First Men. Think of how old this place is. Before the Targaryens defeated the Andals, before the Andals took Westeros from the First Men.
Dolorous Edd: Before I die, please, stop talking.
Samwell Tarly: Thousands and thousands of years ago, the First Men stood here where we’re standing all through the long night. What do you think they were like, the First Men?
Dolorous Edd: Stupid. Smart people don’t find themselves in places like this.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 5: “The Ghost of Harrenhal”
“Jaime Lannister: Why do you hate me so much? Have I ever harmed you?
Brienne of Tarth: You’ve harmed others, those you were sworn to protect, the weak, the innocent.
Jaime Lannister: Has anyone ever told you you’re as boring as you are ugly?” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 8: “The Prince of Winterfell”
“Samwell Tarly: If you step back and think about it, the thing about Gilly that’s so interesting is–
Grenn: Just bloody kill me.
Samwell Tarly: No, truly. The thing about her that I find so interesting is that after all that Craster’s done to her, she’s still got hope that life might get better.
Dolorous Edd: The thing about Gilly that you find so interesting is that she said six words to you.
Samwell Tarly: And the thing about you that I find so interesting is absolutely nothing.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 10: “Valar Morghulis”
“Cersei Lannister: You’re a clever man, but you’re not half as clever as you think you are.
Tyrion Lannister: Still makes me more clever than you.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 1: “Valar Dohaeris”
“Sansa Stark: And I was sorry when I heard of Lord Renly’s death, Lady Margaery. He was very gallant.
Olenna Tyrell: Gallant, yes. And charming and very clean. He knew how to dress and smile and somehow this gave him the notion he was fit to be king.
Margaery Tyrell: Renly was brave and gentle, Grandmother. Father liked him and so did Loras.
Olenna Tyrell: Loras is young and very good at knocking men off horses with a stick. That does not make him wise. As to your fathead father-” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 2: “Dark Wings, Dark Words”
“Tyrion Lannister: What did she say about Littlefinger?
Shae: That Sansa shouldn’t trust him.
Tyrion Lannister: Is there an idiot in any village who trusts Littlefinger?” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 2: “Dark Wings, Dark Words”
“Jaime Lannister: I’m surprised. You never let Pycelle near you.
Cersei Lannister: [Laughs] You think I’d let that old lecher put his hands on me? He smells like a dead cat.
Jaime Lannister: I’m not sure I’ve ever smelled a dead cat.
Cersei Lannister: Well, they smell like Pycelle.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 1: “Two Swords”
“Jaime Lannister: [to Brienne of Tarth] Are you sure we’re not related? Ever since I’ve returned, every Lannister I’ve seen has been a miserable pain in my ass. Maybe you’re a Lannister, too. You’ve got the hair for it if not the looks.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 1: “Two Swords”
“Bronn: I like you, pampered little shit that you are. I just like myself more.
Tyrion Lannister: I understand.
Bronn: I’m sorry it has to be this way.
Tyrion Lannister: Why are you sorry? Because you’re an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That’s what I liked about you in the first place.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 7: “Mockingbird”
“Olenna Tyrell: [to Cersei] Margaery is the queen. You are not the queen because you’re not married to the king. I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing in your family.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 3: “Oathbreaker”
“Tyrion Lannister: I’d call that a successful gambit.
Varys: Would you?
Tyrion Lannister: Look around. The city has come back to life.
Varys: You made a pact with fanatics.
Tyrion Lannister: I did and it worked.
Varys: If you shaved your beard with a straight razor, you’d say the razor worked. That doesn’t mean it won’t cut your throat.
Tyrion Lannister: Spoken like a man who has never had to shave.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 8: “No One”
“Sansa Stark: What do you want, Lord Baelish?
Petyr Baelish: I want you to be happy. I want you to be safe.
Sansa Stark: I am safe. I’m at home, surrounded by friends. I have Brienne to protect me from anyone who would harm me.
Petyr Baelish: What about happy? Why aren’t you happy? What do you want that you do not have?
Sansa Stark: At the moment, peace and quiet. [As Brienne walks up the stairs Petyr goes to speak] No need to seize the last word, Lord Baelish. I’ll assume it was something clever.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 1: “Dragonstone”
“Arya Stark: I was never going to be as good a lady as you. So I had to be something else. I never could have survived what you survived.
Sansa Stark: You would have. You’re the strongest person I know.
Arya Stark: I believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
Sansa Stark: Well, don’t get used to it. You’re still very strange and annoying.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 7: “The Dragon and the Wolf”
“Euron Greyjoy: Do I please the queen?
Cersei Lannister: You might be the most arrogant man I’ve ever met. I like that.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
“Beric Dondarrion: The Lord of Light has brought us together all the same. This is his moment. When light-
Sandor Clegane: Thoros isn’t here anymore, so I hope you’re not about to give a sermon. Because if you are, the Lord of Light’s gonna wonder why he brought you back nineteen times just to watch you die when I chuck you over this fucking wall. [As Arya goes to leave] Where are you going?
Arya Stark: I’m not spending my final hours with you two miserable old shits.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 2: “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”
The Best Game of Thrones Funny Quotes
These are the main humorous lines from Game of Thrones, that are straightforwardly funny, without having to resort to profanity (much) or being downright dark and shocking!
“Tyrion Lannister: The Eyrie. They say it’s impregnable.
Bronn: Give me 10 good men and some climbing spikes… I’ll impregnate the bitch.
Tyrion Lannister: I like you.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 5: “The Wolf and The Lion”
“Theon Greyjoy: Are you afraid?
Robb Stark: I must be.
Theon Greyjoy: Good.
Robb Stark: Why is that good?
Theon Greyjoy: It means you’re not stupid.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 8: “The Pointy End”
“Walder Frey: Don’t deny it. You know it’s true. The fine Lord Tully would never marry any of his children to mine.
Catelyn Stark: l’m sure there were reasons –
Walder Frey: l didn’t need reasons. l needed to get rid of sons and daughters. You see how they pile up?” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 9: “Baelor”
“Jaime Lannister: [in chains] Lady Stark. l’d offer you my sword, but l seem to have lost it.
Catelyn Stark: lt is not your sword l want. Give me my daughters back. Give me my husband.
Jaime Lannister: l’ve lost them too, l’m afraid.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 9: “Baelor”
“Tyrion Lannister: [to Cersei] You love your children. It’s your one redeeming quality. That and your cheekbones.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 1: “The North Remembers”
“Arya Stark: Gendry’s an armorer’s apprentice. Hot Pie, tell Gendry what makes it a battle.
Hot Pie: (Hesitates) It’s when they’ve got armor on.
Gendry: Now who told you that.
Hot Pie: A knight?
Gendry: How’d you know he was a knight?
Hot Pie: Well, cause he got armor on.
Gendry: You don’t have to be a knight to have armor. Any idiot can buy armor.
Hot Pie: How’d you know?
Gendry: ‘Cause I sold armor.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 2: “The Night Lands”
“Davos Seaworth: [talking about his missing fingers] Well, life’s been good since you hacked them off, Your Grace. And it’s four less fingernails to clean.
Stannis Baratheon: Fewer.
Davos Seaworth: Pardon?
Stannis Baratheon: Four fewer fingernails to clean.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 4: “Garden of Bones”
“Tyrion Lannister: Stannis has more infantry, more ships, more horses. What do we have?
Bronn: There’s that mind of yours you keep going on about.
Tyrion Lannister: Well, I’ve never actually been able to kill people with it.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 5: “The Ghost of Harrenhal”
“Xaro Xhoan Daxos: So, tell me, how long has your manservant been in love with you?
Daenerys Targaryen: He’s not my manservant and he’s not in love with me. He’s my advisor and he’s my friend.
Xaro Xhoan Daxos: Unlikely. I can almost always tell what a man wants.
Daenerys Targaryen: And what about what a woman wants?
Xaro Xhoan Daxos: Much more complicated.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 5: “The Ghost of Harrenhal”
“Dolorous Edd: I always imagined meself doing something much worse.
Grenn: We’re digging latrine pits at the end of the world. I can’t imagine anything much worse.
Dolorous Edd: You lack imagination.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 8: “The Prince of Winterfell”
“Bronn: Oh, are we friends now?
Tyrion Lannister: Of course we are. Just because I pay you for your services doesn’t diminish our friendship.
Bronn: Enhances it, really.
Tyrion Lannister: Oh! “Enhances.” Fancy word for a sellsword.
Bronn: Been spending time with fancy folks.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 9: “Blackwater”
“Hot Pie: I’m not a Stark of “Winterhell”.
Arya Stark: Winterfell.
Hot Pie: You sure?
Arya Stark: I’m sure.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 3: “Walk of Punishment”
“Catelyn Stark: I’ve missed you, Uncle. Father missed you, too, from the day you left. Maybe he never said it in so many words-
Brynden Tully: Maybe? Your father was a stubborn old ox. I was surprised when he died. Didn’t think death had the patience.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 3: “Walk of Punishment”
“Tyrion Lannister: Any advice for me on my new position?
Petyr Baelish: Keep a low profile.
Tyrion Lannister: If I had a gold dragon for every time I heard that joke, I’d be richer than you are.
Petyr Baelish: Well, you are richer than I am.
Tyrion Lannister: Good point.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 3: “Walk of Punishment”
“[as Podrick returns a purse to Tyrion]
Tyrion Lannister: Oh, it was a gift, Podrick. This is more than I give you in a year.
Bronn: He’s a squire. You don’t pay him.
Tyrion Lannister: Oh, then it’s much more than I give you in a year.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 3: “Walk of Punishment”
“Jon Snow: If you’re impressed by a windmill, you’d be swooning if you saw the Great Keep at Winterfell.
Ygritte: What’s swooning?
Jon Snow: Fainting.
Ygritte: What’s fainting?
Jon Snow: When a girl sees blood and collapses.
Ygritte: Why would a girl see blood and collapse?
Jon Snow: Well, not all girls are like you.
Ygritte: Well, girls see more blood than boys. Or do you like girls who swoon, Jon Snow? [Gasps] Oh, a spider! Save me, Jon Snow. [She falls backwards into his arms, smiling] My dress is made of the purest silk from Tralalalaleeday.
Jon Snow: I’d like to see you in a silk dress.
Ygritte: Would you?
Jon Snow: So I could tear it off you.
Ygritte: Well, you rip my pretty silk dress, I’ll blacken your eye.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 7: “The Bear and The Maiden Fair”
“Tyrion Lannister: My lady, people have been laughing at me far longer than they’ve been laughing at you. I’m the Halfman, the Demon Monkey, the Imp.
Sansa Stark: You’re a Lannister. I am the disgraced daughter of the traitor Ned Stark.
Tyrion Lannister: The disgraced daughter and the Demon Monkey. We’re perfect for each other. [Sansa laughs]” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 10: “Mhysa”
“Sansa Stark: [chuckles] We could sheep shift Lord Desmond’s bed. You cut a little hole in his mattress and you stuff sheep dung inside. Then you sew up the hole and make his bed again. His room will stink, but he won’t know where it’s coming from.
Tyrion Lannister: Lady Sansa!
Sansa Stark: My sister used to do that when she was angry with me. And she was always angry with me.
Tyrion Lannister: Why sheep shift?
Sansa Stark: That’s the vulgar word for dung.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 10: “Mhysa”
“Tyrion Lannister: [looking in his wine cup] There’s a bug.
Varys: Yes, best be careful. You might accidentally consume some solid food.” Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 2: “The House of Black and White”
“Man 1: You’d bring wildlings here, through our gates?
Jon Snow: Men, women, and children will die by the thousands if we do nothing.
Man 1: Let them die. We got our own to worry about. Less enemies for us.
Stannis Baratheon: [quietly] Fewer.
Davos Seaworth: What?
Stannis Baratheon: Nothing.” Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 5: “Kill the Boy”
“Tyrion Lannister: [trying to speak Valyrian and miming giving money] For your baby. To eat. [The woman cowers away from him]
Varys: [to Tyrion] She thinks you want to eat her baby.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 51: “The Red Woman”
“Khal Moro: Even if I was blind, I’d hear my wives say, “Cut off her head” and I’d know this woman was beautiful. I’m glad I’m not blind. Seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time, what is better than that?
Bloodrider #3: Killing another Khal?
Khal Moro: Yes, killing another Khal.
Bloodrider #4: Conquering a city and taking her people as slaves, and taking her idols back to Vaes Dothrak.
Bloodbrider #3: Breaking a wild horse, forcing it to submit to your will.
Khal Moro: [annoyed] Seeing a beautiful woman naked for the first time is among the five best things in life.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 1: “The Red Woman”
“Tyrion Lannister: Missandei, do you like the wine?
Missandei: I do.
Tyrion Lannister: Tell a joke.
Missandei: Two translators are on a sinking ship. The first says, “Do you know how to swim?” The second says, “No, but I can shout for help in 19 languages.” [There is a pause]
Tyrion Lannister: Ah! [He begins to laugh. Missandei smiles and sips her wine]
Grey Worm: That is the worst joke I ever heard.
Missandei: You don’t even know what a joke is.
Grey Worm: I am soldier all my life. You think I never hear joke?
Tyrion Lannister: You lied to us.
Grey Worm: I make joke. [Missandei and Tyrion laugh. Grey Worm smiles]” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 8: “No One”
“Davos Seaworth: It wasn’t the Boltons defeated Stannis. It was Stannis himself. I loved the man. He lifted me up and made me something. But he had demons in his skull whispering foul things.
Tormund Giantsbane: You saw these demons?
Davos Seaworth: What? No, it’s a manner of speaking. Not actual demons.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 9: “Battle of the Bastards”
“Missandei: [to Jon Snow and Davos Seaworth] You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, The Unburnt, The Breaker of Chains.
[Jon turns and looks at Davos]
Davos Seaworth: This is Jon Snow. [He nods and pauses] He’s King in the North.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 2: “Stormborn”
“Tyrion Lannister: [to Jon Snow] I came out here to brood over my failure to predict the Greyjoy attack. You’re making it difficult. You look a lot better brooding than I do. You make me feel like I’m failing at brooding over failing.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 3: “The Queen’s Justice”
“Tyrion Lannister: I’d very much like to believe that Jon Snow is wrong, but a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it.
Daenerys Targaryen: Which wise man said this?
Tyrion Lannister: I don’t remember.
Daenerys Targaryen: Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?
Tyrion Lannister: I would never do that.. to you.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 3: “The Queen’s Justice”
“Jon Snow: There’s no time for that. I saw the Night King, Davos. I looked into his eyes. How many men do we have in the north to fight him? 10,000? Less?
Davos Seaworth: Fewer.
Jon Snow: What?” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 4: “The Spoils of War”
“Gendry: I wanted to be one of you. I wanted to join the Brotherhood but you sold me off like a slave. Do you know what she did to me? She strapped me down on a bed, she stripped me naked-
Sandor Clegane: Sounds all right so far.
Gendry: –and put leeches on me.
Sandor Clegane: Was she naked too?
Thoros of Myr: She needed your blood.
Gendry: Yes. Thank you. I know that.
Sandor Clegane: It could have been worse.
Gendry: She wanted to kill me. They would have killed me if it wasn’t for Davos —
Sandor Clegane: But they didn’t, did they? So what you whingeing about?
Gendry: I’m not whingeing.
Sandor Clegane: Your lips are moving and you’re complaining about something. That’s whingeing. [He motions to Beric] This one’s been killed six times. You don’t hear him bitching about it.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 6: “Beyond the Wall”
“Daenerys Targaryen: Go on.
Jon Snow: I don’t know how to ride a dragon.
Daenerys Targaryen: Nobody does. Until they ride a dragon.
Jon Snow: What if he doesn’t want me to?
Daenerys Targaryen: Then I did enjoy your company, Jon Snow.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
“Bronn: Oh, speaking of builders, all the best brothels burned down. The Master of Coin is willing to fund reconstruction.
Samwell Tarly: Uh… the Archmaester is less than enthusiastic about the salutary effects of brothels.
Bronn: Well, I imagine he isn’t using them properly.
Brienne of Tarth: I think we can all agree that ships take precedence over brothels.
Bronn: I think that’s a very presumptuous statement.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 6: “The Iron Throne”
The Darkest Funny Games of Thrones Lines
There’s a lot of death in Game of Thrones, so it stands to reason that there’s also a lot of talk about death, dying and general gallows humor. These are the darkest funny quotes from the series.
“[As Daenerys eats a horse heart]
Viserys Targaryen: She has to eat a whole heart? I hope that wasn’t my horse.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 6: “A Golden Crown”
“Dolorous Edd: Then I said, if the gods wanted us to have dignity, they wouldn’t make us fart when we died.
Grenn: We fart when we die?
Dolorous Edd: My blessed mother was holding her own when she left this world. She farted so hard, the whole bed shook.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 2: “The Night Lands”
“Tyrion Lannister: If I told you to murder, an infant girl say, still at her mother’s breast, would you do it without question?
Bronn: Without question? No. I’d ask how much.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 2: “The Night Lands”
“Joffrey: You can’t talk to me like that. The king can do as he likes!
Tyrion Lannister: The Mad King did as he liked. Has your Uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him?
Meryn Trant: No one threatens His Grace in the presence of the Kingsguard.
Tyrion Lannister: I’m not threatening the king, ser. I am educating my nephew. Bronn, the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. That was a threat. See the difference?” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 4: “Garden of Bones”
“Tyrion Lannister: Oh, Lancel, tell my friend Bronn to please kill you if anything should happen to me.
Lancel Lannister: [to Bronn] Please kill me if anything should happen to Lord Tyrion.
Bronn: It will be my pleasure.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 5: “The Ghost of Harrenhal”
“The Hound: [to Bronn] Oh, there’s women in the ground. I put some there myself. So have you. You like fucking and drinking and singing. But killing, killing’s the thing you love. You’re just like me. Only smaller.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 9: “Blackwater”
“Oberyn Martell: What are you? His hired killer?
Bronn: It started that way, aye. Now I’m a knight.
Oberyn Martell: How did that come to pass?
Bronn: Killed the right people, I suppose.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 1: “Two Swords”
“The Hound: [talking about Joffrey’s death] I wasn’t the damn wine taster. Little shit deserved to die, but poison…poison’s a woman’s weapon. Men kill with steel.
Arya Stark: That’s your stupid pride talking. It’s why you’ll never be a great killer. I’d have killed Joffrey with a chicken bone if I had to.
The Hound: [laughs] I’d pay good money to see that.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 8: “The Mountain and The Viper”
“Varys: You have your father’s instinct for politics, and you have compassion.
Tyrion Lannister: Compassion? Yes. I killed my lover with my bare hands. I shot my own father with a crossbow.
Varys: I never said you were perfect.” Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 1: “The Wars to Come”
“Varys: You have a choice my friend. You can stay here at Ilyrio’s palace and drink yourself to death, or you can ride with me to Mereen, meet Daenerys Targaryen, and decide if the world is worth fighting for.
Tyrion Lannister: Can I drink myself to death on the road to Meereen?” Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 1: “The Wars to Come”
“Tyrion Lannister: The last time we spoke was at Joffrey’s wedding. Miserable affair.
Sansa Stark: It had its moments.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
The Rudest Funny Game of Thrones Quotes
As we mentioned, there is a lot of profanity and rudeness in Game of Thrones, even when characters are being amusing. This section has all the worst dirty and inappropriate jokes, with lots of swearing. We recommend you skip this section if you don’t like that sort of thing!
“Tyrion Lannister: When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe. She was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. If I close my eyes, I can still see her tits bouncing. When I was 10, I stuffed my Uncle’s boots with goatshit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged and I escaped justice. When I was 12, I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. [The crowd gasps, outraged. Bronn chuckles] I flogged the one-eyed snake. [Chuckles and gasps sound in the air] I skinned my sausage. I made the bald man cry…. [He rattles his chains, shaking his hand below his belly] into the turtle stew, which I do believe my sister ate, at least I hope she did.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 6: “A Golden Crown”
“Robb Stark: Tell Lord Tywin, Winter is coming for him. To find out if he really does shit gold.” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 8: “The Pointy End”
“Petyr Baelish: When they castrated you, did they take the pillar with the stones? l’ve always wondered.
Varys: Have you? Do you spend a lot of time wondering what’s between my legs?
Petyr Baelish: l picture a gash. Like a woman’s. ls that about right?
Varys: l am flattered, of course, to be pictured at all.
Petyr Baelish: Must be strange for you, even after all these years… a man from another land, despised by most, feared by all.
Varys: Am l? That is good to know. Do you lie awake at night fearing my gash?” Game of Thrones, Season 1, Episode 10: “Fire and Blood“
“Shae: This city stinks Like dead bodies.
Tyrion Lannister: A bit corpsey, yes.
Shae: And shit.
Tyrion Lannister: I thought you wanted to come here.
Shae: I love it.
Tyrion Lannister: You love the smell of dead bodies and shit?
Shae: And cum and garlic and rum.
Tyrion Lannister: You can smell cum from the balcony?
Shae: I love the stink. I love the noise. Cities make me want to fuck.
Tyrion Lannister: And so did the country.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 1: “The North Remembers”
“Matthos Seaworth: This war isn’t about you. We’re not attacking King’s Landing so that you can rape the queen.
Salladhor Saan: I’m not going to rape her, I’m going to fuck her.
Matthos Seaworth: As if she would just let you!
Salladhor Saan: You don’t know how persuasive I am. I never tried to fuck you.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 2: “The Night Lands”
“Shae: Every man who has tasted my cooking has told me what a good whore I am.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 3: “What Is Dead May Never Die”
“Bronn: The little king’s backed up. Clogged from balls to brains.
Tyrion Lannister: You think dipping his wick will cure what ails him?
Bronn: There’s no cure for being a cunt. But the boy’s at that age. And he’s got nothing to do all day but pick wings off flies. Couldn’t hurt to get some of the poison out.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 4: “Garden of Bones”
“Ygritte: How old are you, boy?
Jon Snow: I’m a man of the Night’s Watch.
Ygritte: You’re a boy who’s never been with a girl. Don’t your stones start to hurt if your bone never gets-
Jon Snow: Don’t call them that.
Ygritte: What, stones? Or bone?
Jon Snow: Neither. Both. Move!
Ygritte: I heard they get all swollen and bruised if you don’t use them. Of course, maybe that’s just what the lads say when they want me feeling sorry for them. As if I’d feel sorry for them. Are there no girl crows?
Jon Snow: There are no women of the Night’s Watch, no.
Ygritte: So the lads just do it with each other?
Jon Snow: No.
Ygritte: Never?
Jon Snow: Never. We swore an oath.
Ygritte: You have sheep at the Wall? With your hands, then? No wonder you’re all so miserable.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 7: “A Man Without Honor”
“Cersei Lannister: Perhaps I’m dangerous, too. You, on the other hand, are as big a fool as every other man. That little worm between your legs does half your thinking.
Tyrion Lannister: It’s not that little.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 8: “The Prince of Winterfell”
“Tyrion Lannister: The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned, the Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where is the god of tits and wine?
Varys: In the Summer Isles, they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats.
Tyrion Lannister: We should sail there immediately.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 8: “The Prince of Winterfell”
“[Grenn finds a piece of dung]
Grenn: Is this goat?
Dolorous Edd: [putting it in his basket] It’s moose. People shouldn’t live anywhere you need to burn shit to keep warm.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 10: “Valar Morghulis”
“Brienne of Tarth: I’m not interested in foul rumors.
Jaime Lannister: Unless they’re about me. It’s all true about Renly. His proclivities were the worst kept secret at court. It’s a shame the throne isn’t made out of cocks. They’d have never got him off it.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 2: “Dark Wings, Dark Words”
“Olenna Tyrell: Yes, all Lannisters are lions. And when a Tyrell farts, it smells like a rose.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 2: “Dark Wings, Dark Words”
“Grenn: When people talk about the Night’s Watch, they never mention the shoveling.
Dolorous Edd: Or the shit.
Grenn: They tell you about honor, pardoning crimes, and protecting the realm, but shoveling really is most of it.
Dolorous Edd: And getting attacked or killed or worse. And that.
Grenn: But when you’re not getting attacked or killed, usually you’re shoveling.
Dolorous Edd: Oh, look. More shit. I was starting to wonder what to do with the rest of my day.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 4: “And Now His Watch Is Ended”
“Varys: My lady. I wanted to personally welcome you to King’s Landing. The city has been made brighter by your presence.
Olenna Tyrell: The city is made brighter by my presence? Is that your usual line, Lord Varys? Are you here to seduce me?
Varys: A little obvious, perhaps.
Olenna Tyrell: Oh, no, please. Seduce away. It’s been so long. Though I rather think it’s all for naught. What happens when the non-existent bumps against the decrepit? A question for the philosophers. But you’ve come mincing all this way for something.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 4: “And Now His Watch Is Ended”
“Jorah Mormont: Proudest moment of my life. One knee in the dust, the king’s sword on my shoulder, listening to the words. ‘In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave.’ All I could think of was how badly I had to piss. [Barristan Selmy laughs] In full plate metal for sixteen hours. Never occurred to me till the fighting was over. I was very nearly the first man knighted to piss on the king’s boots.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 5: “Kissed By Fire”
“Tywin Lannister: Your sister has learned that your new friends the Tyrells are plotting to marry Sansa Stark to Ser Loras.
Tyrion Lannister: Very well. She’s a lovely girl. Missing some of Loras’ favorite bits, but I’m sure they’ll make do.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 5: “Kissed By Fire”
“Ygritte: Do you think I’m as dumb as all those girls in silk dresses you knew growing up? You’re loyal and you’re brave. You didn’t stop being a crow the day you walked into Mance Rayder’s tent. But I’m your woman now, Jon Snow. You’re going to be loyal to your woman. The Night’s Watch don’t care if you live or die. Mance Rayder don’t care if I live or die. We’re just soldiers in their armies and there’s plenty more to carry on if we go down. It’s you and me that matters to me and you. Don’t ever betray me.
Jon Snow: I won’t.
Ygritte: ‘Cause I’ll cut your pretty cock right off and wear it ’round my neck.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 6: “The Climb”
“Tywin Lannister: The years punish us as well, I promise you that. My stomach remains quite strong, however. The only thing that might turn it are details of your grandson’s nocturnal activities. Do you deny them?
Olenna Tryell: Oh, not at all. A sword swallower through and through.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 6: “The Climb”
“Brynden Tully: I’ve seen wet shits I liked better than Walder Frey. Apologies, Your Grace. Spent too many years around lancers and pikemen.
Talisa: I’ve spent the last two years nursing wounded men, watching them bleed and die. I’m not afraid of wet shits. [Brynden laughs]” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 7: “The Bear and The Maiden Fair”
“Bronn: You waste time trying to get people to love you, you’ll end up the most popular dead man in town. [chuckles] You want to fuck that Stark girl. You just don’t want to admit it.
Tyrion Lannister: I don’t pay you to put evil notions in my head. The ones already there don’t need company.
Bronn: You pay me to kill people who bother you. Evil notions come free.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 7: “The Bear and The Maiden Fair”
“Tyrion Lannister: A bad joke, Your Grace. Made out of envy of your own royal manhood. Mine is so small. My poor wife won’t even know I’m there.
Tywin Lannister: Your uncle is clearly quite drunk, Your Grace.
Tyrion Lannister: I am. Guilty. But- but it is my wedding night. My tiny drunk cock and I have a job to do. Come, wife. I vomited on a girl once in the middle of the act. Not proud of it. But I think honesty is important between a man and wife, don’t you agree? Come, I’ll tell you all about it. Put you in the mood.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 8: “Second Sons”
“Bronn: How do you plan on finding a single Dornishman in a city this big?
Tyrion Lannister: You’re famous for fucking half of Westeros. You just arrived at the capital after two weeks of bad roads, where would you go?
Bronn: I’d probably go to sleep, but I’m getting old.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 1: “Two Swords”
“[both speaking Valyrian]
Daario Naharis: [about Missandei] You like this girl? Must be frustrating.
Grey Worm: You are not a smart man, Daario Naharis.
Daario Naharis: I’d rather have no brains and two balls.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 1: “Two Swords”
“Arya Stark: [about Polliver] He killed Lommy.
The Hound: What the fuck’s a Lommy?
Arya Stark: He was my friend. Polliver stole my sword and put it right through his neck. He’s still got it.
The Hound: Got what?
Arya Stark: My sword, Needle.
The Hound: Needle? Of course you named your sword.
Arya Stark: Lots of people name their swords.
The Hound: Lots of cunts.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 1: “Two Swords”
“[Jaime and Tyrion Lannister sit in Tyrion’s cell]
Jaime Lannister: To tell you the truth, this isn’t so bad. Four walls. A pot to piss in. I was chained to a wooden post covered in my own shit for months.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 4: “Oathkeeper”
“[Sallador Saan sits in a bath with two prostitutes]
Sallador Saan: The lookout sees a pirate ship sailing their way. The captain shouts to his first mate, “Bring me my red shirt.” The first mate brings the red shirt and the captain puts it on. And when the pirates try to board, the brave captain leads his men to victory. A few days later, the lookout screams, “Two pirate ships!” The crew is shivering like scared mice. But the courageous captain hollers, “Bring me my red shirt!” After the battle, the first mate asks, “Captain, why do you call for your red shirt before battle?” The captain replies, “So that if I am stabbed, you will not see me bleed.” The next morning the lookout screams, “10 pirate ships! We are surrounded!” The crew goes silent. They all look to their brave captain, waiting for his usual command. Calm as ever, the captain bellows…
Women: ‘Bring me my brown pants!'” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 6: “The Laws of Gods and Men”
“Oberyn Martell: Lord Varys is right. I have been to Essos and seen the Unsullied firsthand. They are very impressive on the battlefield. Less so in the bedroom.” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 6: “The Laws of Gods and Men”
“Tyrion Lannister: [as someone enters his cell] Oh, get on with it you son of a whore.
Jaime Lannister: Is that any way to speak about our mother?” Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 10: “The Children”
“Slaver: What about the dwarf?
Malko: Worthless. Cut his throat.
Tyrion Lannister: Wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait, let’s discuss this!
Malko: And then chop off his cock. We can sell it for a fortune. A dwarf’s cock has magic powers.
Tyrion Lannister: Wait, wait, wait, wait! You can’t just hand a dried cock to a merchant and expect him to pay for it. He has to know it came from a dwarf. And how could he know unless he sees the dwarf?
Slaver: It will be a dwarf-sized cock.
Tyrion Lannister: Guess again.” Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 6: “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken”
“Tyrion Lannister: [when Varys tsks at him pouring wine] If I lost my cock, I’d drink all the time. [He looks at Grey Worm] Meaning no offense. He makes dwarf jokes, I make eunuch jokes.
Varys: I do not make dwarf jokes.
Tyrion Lannister: You think them.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 2: “Home”
“Tormund Giantsbane: They think you’re some kind of god. The man who returned from the dead.
Jon Snow: I’m not a god.
Tormund Giantsbane: I know that. [He moves closer to Jon and whispers in his ear] I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small?” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 3: “Oathbreaker”
“Bronn: Now, that is a sorry attempt at a siege. Someone needs to teach those sad twats how to dig trenches.
Jaime Lannister: Someone certainly does. [He looks at Bronn]
Bronn: Oh, no. Not me. I’m just an upjumped sellsword.
Jaime Lannister: You’re an anointed knight. There’s quite a difference.
Bronn: Aye, knights don’t get paid.
Jaime Lannister: You have better instincts than any officer in the Lannister army.
Bronn: That’s like saying I have a bigger cock than anyone in the Unsullied army.
Jaime Lannister: I expect to command all the Lannister forces before long. You can be the right hand I lost.
Bronn: You promised me a lordship and a castle and a highborn beauty for a wife.
Jaime Lannister: And you’ll get all three. A Lannister always-
Bronn: Don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 7: “The Broken Man”
“Lothar Frey: Ser Jaime. We didn’t know you were coming.
Jaime Lannister: ‘Cause you didn’t set up a proper perimeter. You just allowed 8,000 men to approach unchallenged.
Bronn: Good thing we’re friends or we’d be fucking you in the ass right now.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 7: “The Broken Man”
“Bronn: [about Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth] Are they in there?
Podrick Payne: Mm-hmm.
Bronn: You think they’re fucking?
Podrick Payne: What? No.
Bronn: Why not? I’d fuck her. You’d fuck her, wouldn’t you?
Podrick Payne: I’m her squire.
Bronn: Oh. Well, he’d fuck her, that’s for sure. And she’d fuck him, don’t you think? The way she looks at him. The way all women look at him is frankly irritating. I preferred working with the little brother on that account.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 8: “No One”
“Theon Greyjoy: [talking about how many ships they have] There are and Euron is building more. He’s going to offer them to you.
Daenerys Targaryen: So why shouldn’t I wait for him?
Theon Greyjoy: The Iron Fleet isn’t all he’s bringing. He also wants to give you –
Yara Greyjoy: His big cock, I think he said. Euron’s offer is also an offer of marriage, you see. You won’t get one without the other.
Daenerys Targaryen: And I imagine your offer is free of any marriage demands?
Yara Greyjoy: I never demand, but I’m up for anything, really.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 9: “Battle of the Bastards”
“Jaime Lannister: This same mob spat at my sister not long ago, and if you turn on us, they’ll cheer to see your head mounted on a spike.
Euron Greyjoy: Or yours. They just like severed heads really. Listen, if you have any advice at all I’d love to hear it when we have an hour or two to speak as brothers.
Jaime Lannister: Advice?
Euron Greyjoy: Does she like it gentle or rough? A finger in the bum? [Jaime turns to Euron angrily] Shhh, shhh, shhh, not now. We’ll talk later.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 3: “The Queen’s Justice”
“Bronn: Men shit themselves when they die. Didn’t they teach you that at fancy lad school? Well, I learned it when I was 5.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 4: “The Spoils of War”
“Bronn: Listen to me, cunt. Till I get what I’m owed, a dragon doesn’t get to kill you. You don’t get to kill you. Only I get to kill you.
Jaime Lannister: That was only one of them. She has two more. If she decides to use them, to really use them —
Bronn: You’re fucked.
Jaime Lannister: Don’t you mean we’re fucked?
Bronn: No, I do not. Dragons are where our partnership ends. I’m not going to be around when those things start spitting fire on King’s Landing.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 5: “Eastwatch”
“Tormund Giantsbane: You’re the one they call the dog.
Sandor Clegane: Fuck off.
Tormund Giantsbane: They told me you were mean. Were you born mean or you just hate Wildlings?
Sandor Clegane: I don’t give two shits about Wildlings. Gingers I hate.
Tormund Giantsbane: Gingers are beautiful. We are kissed by fire. Just like you. [points at his face]
Sandor Clegane: Don’t point your fucking finger at me.
Tormund Giantsbane: Did you trip into the fire when you were a baby?
Sandor Clegane: I didn’t trip. I was pushed.
Tormund Giantsbane: Ever since you’ve been mean.
Sandor Clegane: Will you fuck off?
Tormund Giantsbane: I don’t think you’re truly mean. You have sad eyes.
Sandor Clegane: Do you want to suck my dick? Is that it?
Tormund Giantsbane: Dick?
Sandor Clegane: Cock.
Tormund Giantsbane: Ah. Dick. I like it.
Sandor Clegane: I bet you do.
Tormund Giantsbane: Nope. It’s pussy for me. I have a beauty waiting for me back at Winterfell. If I ever get back there. Yellow hair. Blue eyes. Tallest woman you’ve ever seen. Almost as tall as you.
Sandor Clegane: Brienne of Tarth.
Tormund Giantsbane: You know her?
Sandor Clegane: You’re with Brienne of fucking Tarth?
Tormund Giantsbane: Well, not with her yet, but I see the way she looks at me.
Sandor Clegane: How does she look at you? Like she wants to carve you up and eat your liver?
Tormund Giantsbane: You do know her.
Sandor Clegane: We’ve met.
Tormund Giantsbane: I want to make babies with her. Think of the great big monsters. They’d conquer the world.
Sandor Clegane: How did a mad fucker like you live this long?
Tormund Giantsbane: I’m good at killing people.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 6: “Beyond the Wall”
“Bronn: [about the Unsullied] Men without cocks. You wouldn’t find me fighting in an army if I had no cock. What’s left to fight for?
Jaime Lannister: Gold?
Bronn: I spent my life around soldiers. What do you think they spend that gold on?
Jaime Lannister: Family.
Bronn: Not without a cock, you don’t.
Jaime Lannister: Maybe it really is all cocks in the end.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 7: “The Dragon and the Wolf”
“Gendry: [about Melisandre] Then she tied me up, stripped me down, put leeches all over me.
Arya Stark: Was that your first time?
Gendry: No, yeah, I’ve never had leeches put all over my cock.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 2: “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”
“Tormund Giantsbane: We did it! We faced those icy fucks. Looked right into their blue eyes, and here we are. Now, which one of you cowards shit in my pants?” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 4: “The Last of the Starks”
“Tormund Giantsbane: You’re not gonna ride the dragon south?
Jon Snow: [He shakes his head] Just a horse. Rhaegal needs to heal. He doesn’t need me weighing him down.
Tormund Giantsbane: [scoffs] You weigh as much as two fleas fucking.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 4: “The Last of the Starks”
The Funniest Game of Thrones One-Liners
Many characters in Game of Thrones were good with a quick one-liner in response to somebody else. These are the funniest rejoinders to something said by someone else.
“Robb Stark: I need his ships. They say he has 200.
Catelyn Stark: They say a million rats live in the sewers of King’s Landing. Shall we rally them to fight for us?” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 1: “The North Remembers”
“Renly Baratheon: Now I understand. You know I have the numbers. You know I’m marching on King’s Landing. When I take the throne, you hope to retain your position. And your head.
Petyr Baelish: I would give priority to my head.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 4: “Garden of Bones”
“Melisandre: You should kneel before your brother. He’s the Lord’s chosen, born amidst salt and smoke.
Renly Baratheon: Born amidst salt and smoke? Is he a ham?” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 4: “Garden of Bones”
“Joffrey: For your good service and ingenuity in uniting the Houses of Lannister and Tyrell, I declare that you shall be granted the castle of Harrenhal with all its attendant lands and incomes to be held by your sons and grandsons from this day until the end of time.
Petyr Baelish: You honor me beyond words, Your Grace. I shall have to acquire some sons and grandsons.” Game of Thrones, Season 2, Episode 10: “Valar Morghulis”
“Beric Dondarrion: [to Melisandre] Forgive my manners. I don’t see many ladies these days.
Thoros of Myr: Lucky for the ladies.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 6: “The Climb”
“Tyrion Lannister: [talking about Sansa Stark] She’s a child.
Bronn: She’s a foot taller than you.
Tyrion Lannister: A tall child.” Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 7: “The Bear and The Maiden Fair”
“Jon Snow: How are you feeling?
Maester Aemon: Oh, like a hundred-year-old man slowly freezing to death.” Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 5: “Kill the Boy”
“Olenna Tyrell: Put the pen down, dear, we all know you aren’t writing anything.
Cersei Lannister: Ah, yes, the famously tart-tongued queen of thorns.
Olenna Tyrell: And the famous tart Queen Cersei.” Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 6: “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken”
“Obara Sand: We’re lucky he’s a singer. If he were a fighter we might have been in trouble.
Bronn: It’s against my code to hurt a woman.
Obara Sand: It’s amazing how many men we beat seem to have this code.” Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 7: “The Gift”
“Tyrion Lannister: [to the dragons Rhaegal and Viserion] I’m friends with your mother. I’m here to help. Don’t eat the help.” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 2: “Home”
“Sansa Stark: Jon. A raven came from the Citadel. A white raven. Winter is here.
Jon Snow: [smiles and looks up at the sky] Well, Father always promised, didn’t he?” Game of Thrones, Season 6, Episode 10: “The Winds of Winter”
“Thoros of Myr: Why are you always in such a foul mood?
Sandor Clegane: Experience.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 1: “Dragonstone”
“Tycho Nestoris [of the Iron Bank]: We don’t make bets. We invest in endeavors we deem likely to be successful.
Cersei Lannister: That’s a fancy way of saying bet.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 3: “The Queen’s Justice”
“Jon Snow: How do I convince people who don’t know me that an enemy they don’t believe in is coming to kill them all?
Tyrion Lannister: Good question.
Jon Snow: I know it’s a good question. I’m looking for an answer.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 3: “The Queen’s Justice”
“Daenerys Targaryen: What was that Ser Davos said about [Jon Snow] taking a knife in the heart for his people? Did you notice that?
Tyrion Lannister: You must allow them their flights of fancy. It’s dreary in the north.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 3: “The Queen’s Justice”
“Petyr Baelish: I only meant to say —
Sansa Stark: That the woman who murdered my mother, father and brother is dangerous? Thank you for your wise council.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 3: “The Queen’s Justice”
“Jaime Lannister: There are always lessons in failures.
Olenna Tyrell: Yes. You must be very wise by now.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 3: “The Queen’s Justice”
“Missandei: [about Daenerys] All of us who came with her from Essos, we believe in her. She’s not our queen because she’s the daughter of some king we never knew. She’s the queen we chose.
Davos Seaworth: [to Jon Snow] You’ll forgive me if I switch sides.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 4: “The Spoils of War”
“Daenerys Targaryen: Jon Snow’s not in love with me.
Tyrion Lannister: Oh, my mistake. I suppose he stares at you longingly because he’s hopeful for a successful military alliance.” Game of Thrones, Season 7, Episode 6: “Beyond the Wall”
“Lord Varys: You take great offense at dwarf jokes, but love telling eunuch jokes. Why is that?
Tyrion Lannister: Because I have balls and you don’t.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
“[To Daenerys after they ride the dragons]
Jon Snow: You completely ruined horses for me.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
“Daenerys Targaryen: We could stay a thousand years; no one would find us.
Jon Snow: We’d be pretty old.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
“Gendry: I always knew you were just another rich girl.
Arya Stark: You don’t know any other rich girls.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
“Dolorous Edd: Stay back, he’s got blue eyes!
Tormund Giantsbane: I’ve always had blue eyes!” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 1: “Winterfell”
“Tyrion Lannister: Maybe we should have stayed married.
Sansa Stark: You were the best of them.
Tyrion Lannister: What a terrifying thought.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 3: “The Long Night”
“Gilly: [about her pregnancy] I’m sure he knows how it happens, Sam. If it’s a boy, we want to name him Jon.
Jon Snow: I hope it’s a girl.” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 4: “The Last of the Starks”
“Bronn: The Master of Coin looks forward to helping the Master of Ships, but first he has to ensure we’re not wasting coin, or soon there won’t be no more coin.
Davos Seaworth: “Any more.”
Bronn: You Master of Grammar now too?” Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 6: “The Iron Throne”
The Funniest Game of Thrones Quotes from the Books
While A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin might not be completed yet, there are still many great lines that didn’t make it into the television series. Here are the funniest quotes from the books that were left out.
“Tyrion Lannister: Why is it that when one man builds a wall, the next man immediately needs to know what’s on the other side?” A Game Of Thrones
“Gendry: If you need help bark like a dog.
Arya Stark: That’s stupid. If I need help I’ll shout help.” A Clash of Kings
“Tyrion Lannister: Lord Varys, sometimes I feel as though you are the best friend I have in King’s Landing and sometimes I feel you are my worst enemy.
Varys: How odd. I think quite the same of you.” A Clash of Kings
“Tyrion Lannister: Noseless and handless, the Lannister Boys.” A Storm Of Swords
“Tyrion Lannister: My sister has mistaken me for a mushroom. She keeps me in the dark and feeds me shit.” A Storm Of Swords
“Her name is Brienne,” Jaime said. “Brienne, the maid of Tarth. You are still maiden, I hope?”
Her broad homely face turned red. “Yes.”
“Oh, good,” Jaime said. “I only rescue maidens.” A Storm Of Swords
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